Only Bitches Need Help! - Printable Version

Jack Cain and his team of buttoned up bottom feeders are bringing it hard. A lot harder than I had ever expected. They are weaving a story of tension, drama, suspense, and fear. Fear for what they might actually bring to this match come next Wednesday. After I saw the latest outing from Jack Cain and Cadryn, I realized that I too needed to seek help. This isn’t a fight that I can win on my own. I suppose that makes me and Jack Cain more similar than I would have thought.

It’s just before dawn. The sun is barely beginning to peak over the horizon. The dark sky giving way to a light blue and pink haze. Micheal Graves is standing outside of a big white house on a large, beautifully landscaped piece of land. Graves stomps his way down the stone path leading to the front door. He stops just before walking up the steps and looks down at the tulips that are planted around the steps. Micheal leans down and picks one. He brings it up to his nose and takes a deep breath, enjoying the floral aroma. Oddly, Micheal shoves the flower into his mouth and bites off the bud. He quickly chews and swallows the flower before patting his belly and letting out a satisfied belch. Micheal then turns his attention back to the front door as he stomps up the steps. Without warning, Micheal kicks the door in and storms into the house like, well… a madman.

HEY FUCKER, WHERE YOU AT!

Micheal charges through the house, checking the living room, then the kitchen. Not finding what he is looking for, he walks down a hallway checking each room. Laundry room, nope. Closet… nope. Then Micheal opens a door, seemingly finding exactly who or what he has come here for. Micheal smiles a big goofy, toothy smile as he enters the bathroom and stands in front of the mirror.

There you are friend, the one guy that I can always rely on when I need to get shit done!

The camera enters the room behind Micheal and reveals that he is standing in front of a mirror, talking to himself. Micheal looks into the camera through the reflection in the mirror.

What? Did you really think that I was a bitch like Jack Cain?

Micheal spins around to face the camera and pushes the cameraman, shoving him out of the bathroom door and into the hallway.

So let me get this straight. Big bad six foot eight Jack Cain doesn’t like what I’m doing. Big ole’ Jack wants to see someone put a stop to my alleged kidnapping of children, but big ole Jack just isn't man enough to do the job himself. Jack needs little Cadryn Tiberius to do the legwork for him. That sound about right Jack? You show up at a man’s house wearing knuckle dusters, looking intimidating as fuck, and you’re there to ask another man to get his hands dirty in your stead? Fucking Christ man! I really wish I wasn't mistaken about facing Bearded War Pig or Thaddeus Duke instead of you! Because watching you fumble around like a

without a real point is killing me! Trust me, it's not because I’m afraid of ya, not anymore. The more I watch you throw out empty threats that you can't follow through with and cry to Cadryn to be the hero that you can never be, the more I realize that I have nothing to fear from you. You’re just a big pussy who tryin’ to put up a front. A guy who's playing a role. All bark and no bite! Need I remind you that I’ve already put you to the test. You gave me two options Jack, help you figure out some dumb shit about a sandwich order, which was probably just a setup anyway or piss through a funnel for the rest of my life. I dropped to my knees and begged for you to do your worst, and what happened? Nothing! You pussed the fuck out and walked away! Now you’re looking for Cadryn to deal with the pedo problem for you… Pathetic! When I’m looking to bring pain to somebody, I do it myself! I’m not afraid of getting my hands dirty, especially when it’s with the blood of some big mouthed

in a punisher costume! Do you see me showing up and Chris Chaos or Robert Main’s digs and begging them to bring the fight to any of you fools? Fuck no, and that’s because unlike you panty waist bitches, I’m a fucking man. I can, and will deal with you shitstains on my own! If it came down to it, I would defend these Trios titles single handedly, and you know what? I would still walk away with these Trio's Championships because I'm always willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done. Fuck the rules, fuck the laws, and fuck me!

Why fuck me, you ask? Because I don’t care about injury and pain. I don’t care what management, the fans, or any of the guys in the back think of me. I’m not here to be a hero or find redemption for anything. My past is fucked buddy, probably more so than yours, but it’s my past. It is a part of who, and what I am, and I love me. I’m my fucking favorite person in the world. So I would never look to change any of it. You, on the other hand, are apparently on some quest to find redemption. Fuck that! Own up to your past and feed on it! Let it mold the decisions that you make today. When you decide to do that, you will be a far more dangerous competitor! Coming to terms with who and what I am makes it easy for me to do what I need to do. If I wanted to track you down right now and relieve you of your baby dick, I would do it, no questions asked. Just a swift slice, then straight to eBay to make a few xbux off your missing member. If I made that threat, it wouldn't be just a threat. Luckily for you, I have no desire to take your cock, at least, not literally speaking!

Oh, but you stand out in the rain, kick doors in, drop idle threats, and carry a ridiculous amount of weapons around with you. You’re a throwback to everything that was wrong with superheroes in the 90’s! Admit it, before you signed your contract, you sat around watching Spawn and The punisher on a loop trying to get your tortured tough guy routine down. Problem is, those movies suck, just like you suck at “stopping people from doing wrong”, while NOT being a hero. You’ve had your sights set on me for some time now, and you have of course dropped a whole bunch of threats, but you’ve never acted on ANY of them. Just like you’re NOT going to act on your newest one! See Jack, even if you find the balls to actually step to me like a man once that bell rings, you still don’t have it in you to stand toe to toe with me. You should be feeding on the resident losers in the XWF right now like Gilmour and McBride. Not trying to come after one of the big dogs, much less THREE of the biggest dogs in the XWF! You’re outclassed by a so called Pedophile, how does that make you feel?

You think that I’m a product of a society? I don’t even know what the fucking point you are trying to get at there! I’m a product of pain and misery! Parents who were murdered before I can remember. A twin brother who I was split away from in the foster system. Years of abuse as a child. A life full of pain and suffering. I’ve overcome it all though! My experiences have shaped and molded me into the man that I am today, and no matter what you think of me, one thing remains a fact. I’m a winner! So the next time that you decide to try and psychoanalyze me, maybe give Doctor Phil a call. Because that lame fuck, for as fake as he is, would probably hit the nail on the head. He’d tell you that Micheal Graves is the product of an ass beating that you’re destined to take come Warfare! Then he’d call you a

, cause, ya know, you are one!

As far as you, Cadryn. Good idea to sit back and remain silent. You wouldn’t want to take the chance of pissing me off. Especially with that TV title shot coming up this Saturday. Do you think you can actually win it this time? Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually pulling for you. I can only bare to watch you stumble and fall so many times. So go on and beat Thomas Nixon for that Television Title. Hang out with your bitchy wife and tube sock Theo. Allow Jack Cain to keep drawing all of the aggro and maybe you and Emerick will walk out of Warfare in one piece!

As far as Gabriel Emerick goes… That rotting brother of yours is sucking Satan's cock in Hell. Say something bitch!

Suddenly the noise of footsteps on a wooden floor echo through the otherwise silent home. Micheal dips back into the bathroom and struggles with getting the window open. With the footsteps drawing closer, then the camera turns to see who is approaching. Two police officers walk into the hallway and immediately aim their weapons at the camera.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

The camera turns back to the bathroom to check on Graves, but only catches a glimpse of his feet as he slides out the window. The camera turns back towards the cops who have inched closer.

Sir, I’m going to need you to turn the camera off and put your hands up.

Listen, I work for the XWF. I was just here…

The camera lowers as the cameraman fidgets with it. Right before switching off, the camera catches a glimpse of Natalie Tiberius in her nightgown, revealing that Micheal has broken into the home of Cadryn Tiberius to film this promo.