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+--- Thread: Takei me a river (/showthread.php?tid=26633)
Takei me a river - Hero Xtreme 7.9 - 02-20-2017
Minutes after the 4th promo.
The scene opens to Hero Xtreme 7.9 eating a cup-cake up in Heaven, he starts thinking about really funny people on Twitter, so he decides to see what George Takei is up to...
BREEOAN
That's the sound that happens when he thinks about a dead person...weird, he was thinking about George Takei. He knew that old
was pushing 80...but come on...he can't be really...no.Hero Xtreme 7.9 uses his magic to find George Takei's body.
Hero Xtreme 7.9: There it is, oh this is the neighborhood NOCMM was going to cleanse! Shit! He must've saw him getting all butt-hurt because he lost a poll.
Hero Xtreme 7.9 watches as the fire of NOCMM's lit match spreads across Mr. Takei's clothing and engulfs him in flame. Eventually George Takei is just a pile of ash on the floor.
Hero Xtreme 7.9: That means I can judge him, clearly he's going to Hell, because he's a
and he's from the Orient which means he's a demon, but his Twitter used to be so great. I also think whining about Trump is really funny. This is the first time someone God followed on Twitter died, so at first he didn't know what to do.
Then God gets an idea.
Hero Xtreme 7.9 closes his eyes and George Takei appears in front of him.
George Takei: Where am I? Am I in the alt-right's secret headquarters? Is this where they planned to hijack my poll and ding-dong ditch me?
Hero Xtreme 7.9: No, you're in Heaven and I am God.
George Takei: Really? I'm dead? The alt-right killed me? Where's St. Peter? I thought he'd send me to Hell because I sucked a dick or two.
Hero Xtreme 7.9: You should be in Hell, but I like your tweets, so what I want you to do is use this phone and tweet about Donald Trump and other shit. First, you should delete your tweets about that poll you made because they just make you look like a
and then you shall continue tweeting like you're still alive. George Takei: Why?
Hero Xtreme 7.9: Because I like laughing at you, so as long as you tweet and provide me entertainment you can stay here in Heaven. Then when you're ready to die just stop tweeting and I'll send you to Hell.
George Takei: Won't someone notice if I'm dead and be confused to see me still tweeting on Twitter?
Hero Xtreme 7.9: No, no one will notice, except the people who watch this promo. The old skool fans will keep your secret. No one will think you're dead until you stop tweeting, because that's all you're known for. No one cares about you personally. They just care to see that you also think something Trump did was dumb. I swear to myself, no one will think, "Hey is George Takei dead?" until you stop tweeting.
George Takei: Look...thanks for the offer, but at least 30,000 people think the media is worse than Trump. It's obvious that I'm out of touch with America. That invisible man was right. It's probably for the best that Trump's America isn't my problem anymore.
Hero Xtreme 7.9 slaps the shit out of the demon.
Hero Xtreme 7.9: If you keep being self-aware like that you'll lose all your followers. Keep being your dumb ass
self. Don't learn from this experience. Just keep tweeting dumb shit. Make me happy. Let the world keep laughing. Let us drink your sweet lolcow milk. Please do it until you can't anymore. George Takei: Do they have gay sex in Hell?
Hero Xtreme 7.9: Not for you, fags only get raped by women in Hell.
George Takei: Then I'll do it for as long as I can.
Hero Xtreme 7.9 smiles. He teaches George how to use Twitter on a phone because he's too old and stupid to teach himself as the scene fades to an Xtreme shade of black.