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+--- Thread: Feedback Much Appreciated (/showthread.php?tid=261)
Feedback Much Appreciated - Nio - 01-12-2013
Nio in RV's, TV's, and Guys in Suits
Some feedback would be much appreciated. First full-length RP I've done in a while.
Beware of length. I kinda kept going, knowing where I wanted to stop, and not stopping till I got there.
RE: Feedback Much Appreciated - John_Black - 01-12-2013
Niece Piece Nio
RE: Feedback Much Appreciated - Neonero - 01-12-2013
I love the depth of thought you go into with him, and the way you do things chronologically. When I first started reading I was struck by how similar some of our ideas are - they're totally different really but they have parrallels, maybe someone will know what I mean lol.
One thing I'd suggest is go more into the origin storyline. You kind of skim-explained it at the beginning, but for a first time reader you left a lot of questions. What is 'his race' for example? What would bring a Demi God down to the level of wrestling? One thing I have learnt recently is you need to hold your audience, even if it feels like you are repeating yourself.
I also didn't follow the WGWF/CCP stuff, I don't know anything about WGWF. I think it's okay to mention other feds (I assume its ok to mention WGWF) and others have done it, and it's definitely good in the sense of setting scene for your character, but it's something I'd recommend phasing out as he goes further in the new XWF....if that makes sense. The past references will make sense to the judges, but not to a large percentage of others.
Your trash talk and the way you interspersed it with the storyline was great. I love reading that style of rp.
Also, two Neo/Nio's is going to start confusing sooner or later lol. It's cool to share a name with such a good writer though.
RE: Feedback Much Appreciated - Nio - 01-12-2013
Thanks for the comments guys. Much appreciate it.
And yeah, the WGWF stuff's gonna be gone after the next RP. Just wanted to set everything up for the eventual return to the Dub.
As for the past, that's probably something I can make mention to more. I suppose I didn't see it fit since it seems like I repeat it almost every RP.