{There are some secrets that I would like to bury. Memories that I wish I could permanently block out, so I would never reflect on such horrible events. Life would be easier that way. To forget the choices that I’ve made that cause me pain. The choices that magnify the rift between my actions and my morals.}

It couldn’t be more than twenty degrees outside, as the cold wind rubs against Thomas Nixon. He is dressed appropriately, wearing a coat and thick pants. He even wears a beanie over the top of his head, which he rarely does. He tends to leave his head uncovered, revealing his slick backed, clean-cut hairstyle.

Thomas Nixon stands on the outside of City Hall in Philadelphia. Despite the cold weather, the area is remarkably crowded. The streets that circle city hall are filled with cars, and dozens of people are enjoying themselves with festive activities. A “Holiday Village” hosts several vendors that provide food and drinks, and tens of people are spending their day ice skating at a small rink that is open for the winter time.

Nixon walks up and down the aisles of merchants, glancing at their products, and acknowledging the families and couples that are making an event out of the hokey set up.

{For almost all of my adult life, this basic experience has been a struggle for me. It isn’t some kind of social anxiety or a paranoia issue, but whenever I’m in a crowd of people, I become self-aware. I recognize that I blend in fairly well with a crowd. Right now, I look like another guy. Some guy that decided that they want to check out the “Holiday Village” and potentially buy some overpriced winter themed knick knack or drink.

This isn’t like the emotional tirade that middle school girls have, when they bitch about all that they’ve been through compared to somewhere else. They rant about how nobody understands them. They complain about how nobody gets them.

I know that my pain is something that a lot of people suffer from. It’s a little thing called cognitive dissonance, a psychology term. A large amount of people have this discomfort in their life because it has such a basic cause. Cognitive dissonance is when your actions don’t line up with what you want or what you believe.

In normal people, this can be something really bland or typical, like going to work every day even though you really dislike your job. It can be emotional, like staying with a girl because she is incredibly attractive even though she is brainless and bitchy. It can even have moral implications, like feeling bad for misleading a person because you think that your actions were immoral.}

Nixon finds himself straying from the array of booths, and he ends up sitting on a bench facing the ice skating rink and the large City Hall building.

{I’m not proud of my past. I’ve done a lot of sick things, stupid things. I have my regrets. When I look back on my past, I see some character defining moments that I wish I could have avoided.

I wish I could have lived my life without killing a single person. I can safely assume that none of the people that are ice skating in front of me have watched another being die in their arms because of their actions. I have personally slain more people than I will ever be able to count. Not because the number is so monumental, but I don’t think I could gather the memories of each individual act.

I live with these memories and add more of them to the vault on a regular basis. I wish life didn’t have to be that way, but I picked a path that I can’t back down from. There are some things in this sick world that must be done, and if this is the price I pay, I will live with the pain till the day I die.

But this cognitive dissonance is what separates me from one of my opponent’s this upcoming Saturday.

I’ve been digging into XWF’s past. There’s a lot of history in this company, and Cain makes up a small portion of it. I watched some footage of him, and he’s an interesting character. He’s done some downright nasty things. He’s definitely killed more people than I have, and he gets a sick thrill out of it. He enjoys bringing pain and death to others. It’s sick. It’s frightening. It’s absolutely deplorable.

If you look at my actions, I’ve done some horrendous things and I have no doubts that Cain has done similar things. I’ve slit the throats of innocent women. I’ve poisoned an old man. And I’ve killed people out of cold blood. But it’s not that simple. There’s an emotional layer missing from Cain. The layer than contains compassion and regret. He has a different set of emotions that coincide with his atrocities. He enjoys his heinous actions and he gets off on controlling the outcomes of other people’s lives.

I don’t commit murder for emotional satisfaction. The only time that would come close to that is when I killed Robert McNamara. That was pure revenge and there was no satisfaction. I didn’t feel anything when I avenged the killings of my friends and kin. It was hollow and empty. The other times I’ve killed, it was to fulfill a means to an ends. It’s not something I enjoy, I have to do it to maintain my lifestyle.

Cain kills for pleasure. He fights to hurt and endanger his opponents. He’s a savage that feeds off other’s pain. The suffering of other people is a sick game in his eyes. We are his puppets, and he makes us dance. He’s like a cat playing with a dead mouse. He feels no remorse when he strangles someone to death, and I would guess that it fills him with an immense amount of satisfaction. He loves the sick shit that he puts people through. That is truly disgusting, and I can’t fathom how he can sleep at night without any guilt weighing on him. He knows that he put people through hell, and it doesn’t seem to affect him one bit.

That’s the type of man that I have to be prepared to fight. That’s something I haven’t had to prepare for in the past, unlike Brandon Moore, Cain is a rare breed, and he is a new challenge for me. He is a sick twisted, fuck, but that personality type doesn’t have the same weaknesses that the arrogant athletes here have.

I’ve gotten this far into XWF by playing it smart. I’ve strategized and I’ve out wrestled my opponents. I’ve had some close matches, but I have never been beaten in XWF.

Brandon Moore is a hothead, and I had a game plan against me. I maximized every moment of in ring time, and when he hesitated or made a misstep, I capitalized on it. I did the same thing against Gabe Reno and Broken Hart, two other athletes that came into my championship match with a cocky swagger. All men that went into the match thinking they were “just plain better”.

But Cain doesn’t have the same attitude problem. Somewhere, deep down I’m worried that his sadistic mannerisms will only benefit Cain during our match. He might not stop beating down on me, once he gets the upper hand. And in this title match, there aren’t any rules. He’s going to be able choke me lifeless unless I can stop him or avoid letting him get the upper hand at all.

That’s tricky fucking territory. One false step and I could be sent half way to hell.

Brandon Moore and Cain are ruthless and aggressive. I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about the ways they’re going to tip the rules in their favor. But I can do something out of character. I don’t have to show up on Savage and try to replicate each of my title matches thus far. This match doesn’t have to be a fifteen minute barn burner, show stealing, wrestling clinic.

I can break the mold that I’ve formed for myself. I don’t have to try and use technique to win the match. If these two brawlers want to fight, I can bring the fight. I can use a combination of speed and violence to come out on top. Brandon is a quick guy for his size, but I’m going to use my agility to the fullest extent. It’s not about who can run straight at their opponent, it’s going to be about who can dodge a chair shot from Cain.

In that regard, I’m the smallest and fastest man in the bout. And that agility can be used to my favor when it comes to using weapons. This isn’t my first triple threat bout, but my last two have been cut and dry wrestling matches. I doubt my opponents are going to wrestle that way, so I don’t plan on wrestling that way either.

If I get the chance, I will deck Cain over the back with a kendo stick. If I’m launching Brandon Moore across the ring with a German suplex, there is going to be a set up chair that he’ll land head first on. I’m going to utilize the rules to my advantage because that’s the edge that separates winners from losers, and I don’t want my reign to come to a sad end on Saturday.

Cain will attempt to violently manhandle Moore and myself with the weapons at his disposal, and Moore is going to lose his cool and go berserk swinging chairs left and right. But I can use weapons to their fullest potential because I have one goal. I have one intention that overshadows Cain and Moore’s emotions. At the end of the day, I want to be XWF Television Championship. That’s what matters to me, and my kin, more than anything.

So I’ll do exactly what it takes to make that happen, and I won’t feel a shred of remorse about it.

I won’t have to look back at this match with regret and pain in my eyes. There will be no disagreement between my body and my mind. This match won’t be my past mental failures. The times where I’ve killed, when I really shouldn’t have. It’s not like the times that I’ve done horrible things for only selfish benefits. Retaining this belt brings honor, courage, and hope to the lizard people that are helpless.

I’m not going to kill or torment anybody in the ring next week, but I sure as hell will inflict damage. I will bring violence. But it isn’t to build my own legacy or to build on my ego. I’m not going to savor every moment because of the pleasure it brings me to hurt others.

This isn’t about me, and that’s why I won’t regret beating the hell out of Brandon and Cain. This is about helping the oppressed people. People that can’t go ice skating and can’t walk around winter festivals without worrying about being watched. People that can’t relax on a bench in the middle of town. I’m fighting for basic rights for the living. That overshadows any guilt I could feel from snapping Moore’s arm or giving Cain a concussion. I’m holding nothing back Saturday night, so I hope that my opponents are ready to brawl. I’m going to embrace the stipulation. Bring chairs, tables, ladders, nail guns, staplers, glass, and whatever else you can find. Just know that I’m bringing all that shit, too.}

After spending a decent amount of time people watching and sitting in the public space, it was time for Nixon to move on to his daily routine and errands. He headed towards west towards several stores in Center City, as the scene fades to black.