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+---- Thread: The Fall of the House of Cards (Gauntlet) (/showthread.php?tid=22468)
The Fall of the House of Cards (Gauntlet) - Christopher Isles - 01-25-2016
[REC]
[We fade in on Christopher Isles, the "Hardcore Hero" as some call him, and his manager, Dustin Evergreen, building a pyramid out of playing cards on top of a coffee table. Right now, it's Chris's turn to add another two cards to the pyramid. He grabs two cards and tilts them to make two parts of a triangle. His hands start to shake as he slowly brings them down to the second platform of the pyramid. He knows that if he fucks up, they'll have to start all over again.
Slowly, Chris brings the cards closer to the unfinished pyramid.
Slowly, he rests the cards on the platform of previous cards.
Slowly, he lets go of the cards and moves his hands away from the stack.
A few seconds of tense nothing later, the cards haven't fallen, nor have any of the others in the pyramid stack. Relieved, Chris claps his hands and pumps his fists out of celebration. Dustin can't help but chuckle as his friend's mannerisms.]
Christopher: Fuck yeah, brah! I finally fuckin' did it!
Dustin: Not fuck everything up this time?
Christopher: Exactly! It's about time I finally made some progress with the third level of a card pyramid.
Dustin: Yeah, it is. It only took ya, like, three or so years to finally do it right?
Christopher: Oh whatever brah. It's your turn anyways.
[Dustin proceeds to set down the smartphone he was holding to pick up his own two playing cards. As he has them set as a two-thirds triangle, Chris reaches over and grabs his friend's phone. Curious, he raises an eyebrow at his buddy, wondering just what the hell he's planning to do with his phone. It takes a little bit to realize that his friend isn't doing anything with his cards while staring at him as if he just shot someone.]
Christopher: I'm trying ta see if the XWF has anythin' new planned, ya kna? I mean, I heard that most of tha titles will be on the line for this show, so I might as well just check it out.
[His friend shrugs as he slowly moves his hands and the cards towards the pyramids. He barely manages to get to the pyramid before his friend lets out a mock laugh, making him jump a little.]
Christopher: 'Snow Job'. Wow, whoever wrote that has all the creativity of a kid on X-Box live.
Dustin: Oh come on, brah, don't be like that. I heard some of those kids can be pretty funny sometimes.
[Chris shrugs and nods to his friend as if to say he has a point. He scrolls further down the card to see a match that catches his interest. Dustin sets the cards down in order to let his friend rummage through the card to see anything that catches his eye.]
Christopher: Hey dude, take a look at this.
[Chris hands Dustin's phone back to him in order to showcase the match he has his eyes on. Just in case Dustin couldn't see it, he helpfully points it out to him by poking at it with his index finger. He shoves Chris's hand away and holds out his palm in front of him, as if to say "I see it, calm the fuck down." He looks at his phone screen to look at the match his friend was talking about.]
Dustin: The gauntlet match? What about it, brah?
Christopher: It's an open match, brah! Anyone can enter! Including some fat fucks that think they can wrestle!
[Dustin snickers.]
Dustin: Sounds like backyard wrestling all over again, huh?
[Chris laughs at his friend's joke.]
Dustin: By the way, how many people are in that match so far?
Christopher: Besides me? I think about three, brah. Who knows how many more fuckers are gonna take part in the gauntlet before the show starts, ya kna?
Dustin: Well just focus on the guys that ya know are in the gauntlet first. You'll take care of tha rest later.
Christopher: 'Kay then, brah. I might as well start with the only woman in the match so far.
Hey there, Lexi! How's everythin' comin' along with ya, brah? I wouldn't imagine you're feelin' all that good since a Pest burned ya and Austin fucked your ass up. But hey, that's tha kinda welcome ya oughta expect in this company. Well, let's look on tha bright side of things. Ya beat Mason Prince for his title by laying on him for twelve hours, ending his "streak" of kicking out of pins. Honestly, that isn't really much of an accomplishment, but ya did that. Oh, ya also gave a damn good match for the main event, although Austin was kickin' your ass for most of it. And now you're fighting D'Ville in this PPV, and uh...
[Chris chuckles nervously, as if he knows what will happen to her at the upcoming match.]
Christopher: Yeah, you're fucked, brah. I want ta say that you'll win, but I don't think ya can with him. Sure, he hasn't recorded anythin' yet nor has he called ya out on whatever bullshit he might've found, but when he gets his chances, he's a fuckin' beast. And when that beast is done with ya? Well let's just say that ya won't really be in tha best condition to take on me or anyone else in tha match. Speaking of the others...
[Christopher smiles and waves at the camcorder.]
Christopher: Hey there, MacBeth. You might be a returnin' man from fucking ancient times, but you're a new face ta me, brah, so I'm gonna treat ya like one. So, ya wanna make your debut in a gauntlet match, huh brah? Well there's nothin' wrong with that. But ya wanna make your debut by showin' yourself takin' some pills and swallowin' piss in a back alley? There's definitely somethin' wrong with that, brah. It doesn't tell me anythin' about you or why I should take ya seriously. In fact, it just shows me that you're a run down has-been that wants ta relive the glory days of his life.
[Chris shakes his head out of disappointment for his upcoming opponent.]
Christopher: That's just sad, dude. Why bother tryin' ta hype your return like it's gonna be a big thing when you drink what tha bums are pourin' on tha street? Your time has up and left, brah. Do everyone a favor and don't bother turnin' up. Otherwise you'll just embarrass yourself and everyone in tha arena. Speaking of complete embarrassments...
[Chris sighs and rubs his head because of a sudden headache that was given to him by the other participant.]
Christopher: I thought two wrestlers that loved memes were bad enough, but now we have a third? Why the fuck is this thing becoming popular?
[After rubbing his head and mumbling to himself, he looks back up at the camcorder to address the last confirmed opponent. He looks annoyed when he thinks about him.]
Christopher: First we have a Fuccboi Fragger, then a Meme Queen, and now a Meme Machine. And this one isn't even as cool or likable as the other two, this is just some fatass who lurks on 4Chan and Reddit for memes to quote. It's not even clever, it's just annoying and fucking
.So, this Max Green guy...wait, I thought it was Mike Green? Wow, way ta fuckin' go, ya idiot, ya managed ta get your own name wrong on your roster page. Great fuckin' start brah. And not only did you fuck up the spelling of your own name, you also put up a video where the Bee Movie was playing in the background while you just sat there on an office chair (that wants to fucking die because your fatass was crushing it) staring at the fucking camera. So, not only do you have no ideas of your own, you also think that giving your opponents something far more entertaining to listen to will beat them.
I just...really brah? I mean, I know you're stupid, but come on, there has ta be one original thought in your head somewhere. Also, why the fuck did you think that showing us your fucking pillow was a good idea? It isn't, brah, that shit's fucking gross. Come ta think of it, I feel gross just by talkin' about ya. I'm gonna take a shower and hope that ya realize that ya have no chance against guys that are not only more fit than you, but can also fuck your ass up with just one punch to tha nose.
[Chris begins to walk out of the scene while Dustin nearly finishes the card pyramid. As he walks past it, he swipes his hand across the middle of the stack, knocking everything over. Dustin stares at him with his mouth agape, wondering why the fuck he just did something like that.]
Christopher: Fuck tha cards, brah, it's time for me ta get back in tha ring ta take down the guys that haven't got a chance in the gauntlet.
[With that, the scene cuts to black.]