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+--- Thread: Feedback Request: First RP; Feedback? (/showthread.php?tid=21141)
First RP; Feedback? - Dominic Chambers - 08-06-2015
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=21121
I'm aware that there isn't any trash talk/match relevance in this one, which I plan to rectify in my second RP. Despite that, what do you guys think? Lay it all on me and thank all of you take time to read it.
First RP; Feedback? - Dominic Chambers - 08-06-2015
Yeah, the color coding thing was an oversight on my part when I was writing the RP. Omitted it for my own convenience but will definitely be adding it for future RPs to make it easier to read.
Also, this guy uses the name Chambers. Wait, not that winning of an endorsement, shit.
Thanks for the comments, though.
First RP; Feedback? - Mattael Cillio - 08-07-2015
The first role-play can be the hardest to get down, in my opinion. You've done well here, giving a decent-sized look into a couple of the events that have happened within Chambers life thus far, you've given us insight and shown us a few character tendencies already which is great, your scene and action description isn't too bad but word choice is slightly awkward at times and if used more effectively could turn the RP from a good one to a great one. The dialogue you had was simple and impactful, nothing to fancy, just straight to the point which is great.
Just keep in mind, these first RP's should be establishing your character, give us more insight as to who he is, what has happened in his past, what he plans to do here, why he is here, all those things and more so he feels real, not just some guy who like to beat people up for the fun of it, you get what I mean?
You've given yourself a solid foundation to work off of, add to that and soon everything will come much easier as the audience gets a better idea of who your character is, and you get a better idea of which direction you'd like to take him in regards to story.
Solid effort.