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+---- Thread: Don't You Know About the Bird? (/showthread.php?tid=20978)
Don't You Know About the Bird? - Christopher Isles - 07-30-2015
Christopher: You know, I was going to use one of my vlog clips for this show in order to ensure a hard fought victory, but then I realized, 'wait a minute, I'm up against one of those false Gods that left the federation for no good reason!' So I decided to save what I had until the next show and just trash Bird outright. Let's face it, that douchebag doesn't deserve any effort.
[We hear Dustin's faint laughter from behind the camera. Chris politely waits for him to finish before continuing on with his point.]
Christopher: Ya done?
Dustin: Yeah, brah, I'm done.
Christopher: Cool. Now, imagine you were a God that randomly decided to become a wrestler one day. How exactly do you want to start forming an alliance with everyone else in this company? Maybe you want to gather as many people as possible and persuade them to join your side for a new religious movement? That would make some sort of sense, right?
[Christopher puts on a smirk and shakes his head in disagreement.]
Christopher: You'd think that's what an omnipotent being would do. Instead, he decides to attack a preacher because he thought he was a God when he really wasn't. I really don't know how anyone can make that mistake, but whatever, something like that can be forgiven I guess. I mean, he did pick up a victory against four men for a shot at the Hart title, after all.
Dustin: Didn't he waste that shot after getting his ass squashed by Cain?
Christopher: You've watched that shit, brah? I thought you didn't watch anything unless I was in it.
Dustin: Yeah, well I had to study up on your opponent so you didn't look like a complete dumbass right now.
Christopher: Trust me, brah, no matter how bad I might act on camera, some of the others I have to put up with are ten times worse. Look at Dim and Pete. Sure they got a lot done, but my God, are they as dull as a fucking unsharpened pencil. Ethan is just about up there, because he appears to have completely forgotten about this place and proceeded to let his neck-beard completely consume him. Either that, or he just doesn't care anymore. Yeah, the second one probably is more likely, don't you think?
Dustin: given his last performance, yeah, I'd say he doesn't really care.
Christopher: Right, dude? He took all of Dim's moves like it was his fucking job to stand there like a training dummy! 'S amazing how one man with such hopes can fuck up so badly, y'know?
Dustin: You mean like you?
[Chris smiles and slaps Dustin somewhere on his person. Even though we couldn't exactly see where it hit, we can hear the slap echo off Dustin, making a loud snap off of Dustin's skin. In the background, we can see Drew Archyle looking over the wooden fence, apparently watching Chris cut a promo against his opponent. As soon as Chris walks back into frame, Drew proceeds to head away from the camera and out of the lens's field of vision. The wrestler of the duo probably didn't even recognize him until he was just about to upload this promo to the website.]
Christopher: So I've been in a slump lately, so what? Ethan sure as hell isn't going to try and I'm more than certain that whoever I might fight next won't either. What exactly can you say to a man who simply doesn't care about his career anymore, anyways? I mean, a man who doesn't like what he's doing is already defeated on the inside. The only real opponents they have are unemployment and bills, and those two are really tough opponents.
Dustin: But dude, he said he was a God. He shouldn't have to worry about what we're suffering from.
Christopher: You sure he isn't faking it, brah? I mean, him being an actual God could be as likely as Kim Kardashian having real tits. Me being able to prove that there isn't an actual God that is willing to waste his time with us is more likely than him being a real God, and Atheists are getting closer to outweighing Christian men! Hell, even if he does respond to me, which would be rarer than seeing a blue moon, it more than likely wouldn't be worth my time anyways.
Dustin: Hell, recording this felt like a waste of time.
Christopher: It sure as fuck felt like one, dude. Want to go back inside and play some Borderlands?
Dustin: Sure thing, brah.
[The scene then cuts to black.]