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+---- Thread: The Prophet Speaks (/showthread.php?tid=17628)
The Prophet Speaks - Hysteria 'The Prophet' - 12-28-2014
Hysteria examines Time-Turner. The light from the sole lightbulb installed in his room within the church bounces off the trinket around his neck. Hysteria stuffs the necklace back down his white collared button-down shirt. He grabs a hammer off the table and sighs while holding it. He places it in his pockets. He grabs a lighter and a box of matches in which he places in his seemingly bottomless pockets. He reaches inside his jacket and withdraws The Book of the Higher Power. The Masked Prophet flips through the pages and finds a certain verse.
For he who requires vengeance, seek not the approval of The Higher Power. Seek it and do it in his Holy Name.
Hysteria begins laughing wildly as he places the book back in his jacket. He walks out of the room and motions for one of the Soldiers. He comes over and leads Hysteria out of the almost finished building. They exit the doorway and walk down to the already started car. Hysteria gets into the backseat as one hops in the driver’s seat and the other hops in the passenger seat with a camera. The Soldier turns it around and points it at Hysteria. Hysteria begins to laughing wildly as the angle changes to the camera’s view with “REC” flashing in red in the bottom left corner.
Well, well! It seems that our match is coming up sooner than expected! And by our match I mean MY Match! After all, I ASKED for it! I demanded that I defend my championship belt against FIVE competitors! FIVE! Who does that? A confidant man, that’s who. I didn’t ask for the opponents I was dealt, but I sure as fuck requested a match in order to kick ass and imprint my name into the record books of the XWF! The Prophetic Belt of The Almighty Higher Power shall be going back home to exactly where it has been since I won it from Guppy Parsh. Speaking of accomplishments, it seems I’m going against a crop of rookies looking to cut their teeth into the business. Welcome aboard, the gravy train, but I’m afraid that night will not be the night you claim victory over me. Not that night, nor any other! The Asylum Match has to suit the champion the best. After all, it’s a match named after my little family. A match I brought to the XWF. It’s a Chamber with four pods containing four of the contestants until five minutes pass. Then one will open at random sending that combatant into the match. It’s elimination rules so there won’t be any bullshit. You want this belt? You have to pin me. Good. Fucking. Luck.
Now let’s look at the fools stepping into the ring with me. Patrick Kissinger? Giggle at my name all you wish, punk, but look at it this way. Without me, you wouldn’t even be given this opportunity. I am the reason you’re here and I plan to take your giggling ass and rip the flesh from your face and feed it to my little pet Duncan B. Deadly. He’ll probably sit there and actually eat it too. After all, all he said about me is how valiant a champion I was! I thank you Duncan, but you can just shut your mouth and lay down for me in the ring if you just want to be nice. This isn’t a nice man’s game. This is the WAYYYYYY you get your ass kicked. Extend your hand to me before a match and I’m just as likely to bite it off as I am to shake it.
Speaking of things to shake off, I may need to take fifteen bathes to wipe the shitty smell of staleness positively OOZING from those Fernando promos. For fuck’s sake, can you be any more generic? ‘I am absolute.’ What the fuck was that even supposed to mean? You’re absolutely terrible? You’re absolutely a moron who is stepping into his first loss against a man whose primary focus is going to make sure that you walk out minus a few teeth? Perhaps it’s time to take you to school on how to cut a promo, Mr. Fernando.
Number one, don’t pick the name of a queer Calvin Klein model. When I first saw the name against me, I wondered whether I was in a real match or had been set-up for one of those Chip-N-Dale shows. In case you were wondering, you would be the Chris Farley rendition of it.
![[Image: ChrisFarleyChipNDaleDancer.gif]](http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q59/SoulColl3ctor/Gif/ChrisFarleyChipNDaleDancer.gif)
Yes! Just like that! Go ‘Nando! Go ‘Nando! Shake that fat, you fucker!
But back to Kissinger as we wouldn’t want him to get the wrong impression. You see Patrick, this is going to be your first… and LAST match here in the XWF. I’m going to wreck your shit before it even gets started. That’s the unfortunate thing for all of these rookies. They have the unfortunate dealing of going up against the most reckless and unstable force in the XWF. I plan to unleash hell and destroy any fucker in my way. But this Kissinger gent seems to think that he has the answer to me, but sir… that’s just inaccurate. No one can predict what I will do and no matter how intelligent you think you are... it’s not going to make a difference. The end is near and I’m going to demoralize and destabilize the very attacker on myself. You claim to be an easy guy to understand yet you throw interesting statements and words around that you know this crowd of imbeciles cannot comprehend. As for being hard to figure out, you are not incorrect as you seem to be as predictable as can be. Prepare to be outsourced and outmatched by the current and future reigning Prophetic Champion. Hasta la vista, fucker!
Now back to Austin Fernando as we wouldn’t want him to cry if I ignored him too much. He claims to be the source of the darkness smothering me? Excuse me? I’m breathing fine!
Hysteria takes a few deep breathes.
This darkness surrounding me is nothing more than a security blanket. I’m not afraid of the dark, but your insistence that it is does imply that you may have an issue with it. Were you afraid of the big bad monster in the closet? Were you afraid to place your feet on the floor beneath you for fear that whatever was under your bed was going to grab you? Hmm… PERHAPS he’s STILL concerned with it! This fucker could be using a nightlight right as we speak! It’s okay, Austin Fernando. There’s only one beast hiding in the dark and his name is Hyssssssteriaaaaaaa! And he’s only coming out to rearrange your face before retreating back to where he was. Consider yourself lucky, you little punk. Hysteria is going to claim victory on Monday Night and there’s not a damn thing that any of your fuckers can do. As for that Fernando Prophecy? Take that shit out of here. Or hand it here and I’ll wipe my ass with it and put it where it belongs… in the garbage.
The truck comes to a stop and Hysteria exits the vehicle outside of some city. Hysteria puts his hands in his pockets and begins walking down through the center of the city. The cold and crisp air feels perfect to Hysteria as he walks forward.
Fernando, Kissinger, Deadly, Koopa, Underwoood.
Five names to add to the list after Monday.
I’m sorry… but this is going to get fucking ugly.