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+--- Thread: It's Just Not Cricket... (/showthread.php?tid=16512)
It's Just Not Cricket... - Monolith - 11-04-2014
Monolith sits at his computer, a look of consternation on his face. He scratches his head with bemusement and stares blankly at the screen. Daniel Rapaport enters the room. You okay there, big guy? You look like someone just asked you to recite the Chinese alphabet! I'm starting to get pissed off with this goddamn contraption. I think I'll have to call technical support. I mean, I keep trying to watch Mastermind's promo videos but I only seem to be able to access tedious footage of cricket matches! Do you think there's something wrong with my connection? Daniel smiles incredulously. Err... no. Actually I think you'll find that those cricket videos ARE Mastermind's promos. I don't understand the significance either. Monolith furrows his brow with confusion. Cricket, huh? I guess it all makes sense. I mean, the only thing more incomprehensible than Mastermind's dreary ramblings is goddamn cricket! Did you know that I used to play cricket at boarding school? I was renowned for my sledging ability. Sledging? I don't follow... It means verbally abusing your opponent. You know, throwing them off their game with insults. Cricketers are notorious for that kind of thing. Monolith smiles. Sledging, huh? Well, maybe it's time I subjected Mastermind to some sledging of my very own! He turns back to his computer, activates the webcam and hits 'record'... Mastermind, our match is only twenty four hours away. Now, on the eve of a big fight I always get a little tense. I focus so damn hard and train so damn long that sometimes I find it hard to switch off. And so I want to thank you, Mastermind. Because after watching your inept promo work I now have no trouble drifting off into a long and deep sleep! in fact, watching you mince about on screen and hearing you spout your faecal drivel is like the equivalent of a test match in cricket; long, boring, convoluted and utterly devoid of any excitement. So, let's continue with our cricketing theme, shall we?! Mastermind, this Wednesday night I'm gonna charge at you faster than the quickest seam bowler you've ever seen! I'm gonna outsmart you more than even the trickiest off spin delivery! I'm gonna smack you upside the head harder than a vicious bouncer! And when you step in the ring with me there won't be any breaks for drinks or lunch. In fact, the only 'breaks' involved will be the snap, crackle and pop of your fragile bones beneath my feet! You know, I was wondering, Mastermind; are you planning on wearing your cricket gear during our match? Well, I sure hope not. Because it'll take more than a batting helmet and a few pads to protect you from my onslaught! Besides, I imagine your blood would be a hell of a tough stain to scrub out of those pristine whites! You see, in cricketing terms when you put me and you side by side I'm like an opening batsman and you're like a lowly tail-ender! And this Wednesday night I'm gonna be knocking you to the boundary for six runs over and over again! But it's just gonna be me and you out there, Mastermind. There won't be a second innings reprieve for your sorry ass. There won't be any Umpire referrals for you to hide behind! Because when you step inside the XWF ring then the rules of the ICC no longer apply... but Monolith's rules come into play! And my first rule states... THAT I WILL CRUSH YOU, MASTERMIND! HOWZAT?!?! |