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+--- Thread: Horn Intensifies (/showthread.php?tid=15288)
Horn Intensifies - Diesel - 09-14-2014
Ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to see is arguably one of the most legitimately insane competitors to grace the Xtreme Wrestling Federation. At one time, Big Daddy Cool Diesel was one of the most over superstars to grace a then-World Wrestling Federation ring. And he did it without being tawdry. He was never flashy. He was big and he was cool. Diesel merchandise flew from the shelves.
There is no mistaking that his near year long reign as WWF Champion was perhaps one of the greatest title reigns of all time. Defending against the likes of Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Sycho Sid, Bam Bam Bigelow, and to a lesser extent, King Mabel. Some of the absolute best in the WWF in 1995.
I honestly couldn't tell you where it went wrong. I couldn't tell you when the sanity switch within the brain of Kevin Nash lost its connection. In his mind, its still 1995. In his mind he still works for the WWF and not the XWF. So far, we've established the fact that Diesel thinks XWF Owner Shane Anonistrator is the late WWF President Jack Tunney. And poor little Steve Sayors? Big Daddy thinks he's Todd Pettingill.
Today, we're at an XWF meet and greet. Fans from all over the Nashville, Tennessee area will have the opportunity to meet some of the brightest young stars in the realm of the Xtreme Wrestling Federation. Most notably, “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane. If Shane is Tunney, and Sayors is Pettingill, I could only imagine who, in Diesels warped vision of reality, he likens Lane to.
We start todays festivities with the man of the hour, Big Daddy Cool Diesel, arriving via limousine. He shakes hands with fans and poses for pictures outside the venue. The old “winged eagle” title is draped over his shoulder. As Bret Hart would say, don't all eagles have wings?
Diesel finally makes his way through the crowd, with yours truly, in my 100% Resistol Stetson, by his side.
”C'mon Kev, they're waitin' for ya inside!”
”Who's Kev, Jim?”
”You are, ya big dummy, now lets go!”
Diesel gets a confused look on his face. Believe me, its not an uncommon sight. He ventures to his designated area and takes a seat. Ironically, Vinnie Lane is seated next to him, just a few feet away. He leans toward me, whispering.
”I don't like that you call me Kev. I don't know who that is. Could you just call me by my name?”
”And what is your name?”
”Diesel! You're such a kidder, JR!”
”Sorry. I'll call you Diesel.”
”Awww, thanks man!”
It is only just now, that Diesel notices who sits beside him.
”This is terrible, JR.”
”What's that, big guy?”
”Shawn is just pretending I'm not even here. I mean, I saved his ass from Sycho Sid and everything. Yet, here we are, in the same place at the same time for the first time since, and he doesn't even so much as say 'hi Diesel.'”
I could have guessed. Vinnie Lane is apparently the XWF equivalent to the Heartbreak Kid.
”I think he's just busy signing autographs, Diesel. I don't think its anything personal.”
A tear escapes the corner of his eye... Seriously, what the ever lovin' fuck is wrong with this guy?
He leans toward Lane, and nudges him with his elbow.
”Hey man. You get my message?”
Lane looks at Diesel. Barely giving a shit who he is.
”Hey. No I never got a message from you.”
Diesel looks at me, smiling from ear to ear.
”What?”
”Don't you get it?”
”Get what?”
”He's not still mad at me, he just never got my message! You think I should buy him a new answering machine? I mean, since his is losing his nessages.”
”No, Diesel. I think he can afford his own.”
He turns back to Lane.
”You maybe wanna go play croquet after this?”
Oh brother.
”Nah, man. I appreciate the gesture though.”
And back to me.
”Why are these people calling him Vinnie?”
I don't have a chance to answer. Diesel darts to his feet and starts yelling.
”HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE BE SO DISRESPECTFUL!? CALLING THIS MAN VINNIE? HIS NAME IS SHAWN, DAMMIT!”
He steps toward Lane, wrapping the poor guy in a bearhug.
”I'm SO sorry, little buddy. These people can't hurt you anymore!”
Vinnie Lane looks at me, very much confused. I shrug.
”He thinks you're Shawn Michaels.”
”It's alright big guy. It's just a little fun I'm having with the fans.”
Damn it. Will no one not feed his delusions?
”C'mon! Two Dudes pose!”
”Ummmmm what?”
”Just like old times! C'mon! The fans will love it!”
”Oh what the hell. I'll do it.”
Both Diesel and his little buddy Vinnie Lane, who he thinks is Shawn Michaels, do their famous Two Dudes with Attitudes pose and the camera flashes are non stop. Moments later, the pose is over and Diesel has more tears in his eyes. He sits back down and buries his head ion my shoulder.
”What's wrong big guy?”
”He messed up the pose.”
Jesus.
”But it was SO beautiful!”
I really need to start looking at my contracts.
Diesel stands up again, wiping the tears from his eyes.
”If anybody wants to get their hands on my little buddy here! You'll have to get through Big Daddy Cool first! The Two Dudes With Attitudes are back in business!”
I'm starting to wonder if Vinnie didn't just open a whole can of worms he's not prepared for.