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+--- Thread: (PLEASE) Saying Her Name - Feedback Please (/showthread.php?tid=13008)
(PLEASE) Saying Her Name - Feedback Please - Steve "KingSlayer" Davids - 06-18-2014
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12991
This is leading to the conclusion of an ongoing story that has lasted around nine months, I would love for you all to give me your opinion on this RP as it is one of my favorites.
Thanks, Steve/Arch
(PLEASE) Saying Her Name - Feedback Please - Archie Lawson - 06-18-2014
anyone?
(PLEASE) Saying Her Name - Feedback Please - Morbid Angel - 06-18-2014
I don’t see anyone else jumping at the chance so I’ll get you some feedback.
It was very poetic and descriptive and I liked it. Leading into the woman who betrayed you and the crying was pretty good but the quick break in the story to mention the Leap of Faith kind of broke the trance. It was a bit out of place. What I would have done is moved it to the end and continued with the story until that point and made a smooth entry of the Leap of Faith.
All in all I did like it. Even the part where it didn’t fit but right after that it rolled in line and flowed again BUT it was out of place for the topic at hand.
I was just being honest so don’t be insulted. I still liked it.
(PLEASE) Saying Her Name - Feedback Please - Rain - 06-18-2014
Yeah, Morby's right. I am heavily into character development. And by that, I mean it often takes up most of my roleplay, people here have hated that fact, as have many other people in many other feds....I mean, lookit all the stuff I have goin' on in the CD section >< ....But. I ALWAYS leave the trash talk at the end, or, I'll have a bit at the start, then the 'clincher' at the end, after the CD work, that hits things home on a 'final note'....It was an excellent piece. Just another reason I respect the hell outta ya, Arch. But that's the one thing that sticks out. Easy fix, and you'll be golden.
BTW...Morby. I know it probalby won't matter by now, but I am still planning on getting you the feedback on your roleplays. I still have about ten different things of my own that I have not finished writing, have begun, but put off. And, I just started cleaning my room [which has needed it for about three days, and you don't even know how badly].....I started. Told myself I wouldn't get side-tracked by XWF. I am now on XWF.....
I get distracted easily, and disappoint even myself on the things I put off. So please do not take it personally, same goes to Petey....I'm workin' on it. Slowly, step by step, which is why I cannot bring Reeve back for the time being....Again, bottom line, it's not that I flaked, I've just been running on empty. Like, literally, I barely eat, and....I'm not gonna keep on about this, anyway. I truly apologize for letting you down, and when I can, I promise you I will give you your feedback. I'm sorry.
~Shane
(PLEASE) Saying Her Name - Feedback Please - Morbid Angel - 06-19-2014
its cool man. don't be too hard on yourself.
(PLEASE) Saying Her Name - Feedback Please - Steve "KingSlayer" Davids - 06-25-2014
thanks for your responses guys