When we last left our hero, Jon Plex, the camera was capturing his good side for the cover of next month’s XWF Magazine. You can either love him or hate him, but there was no denying the success of XWF’s newest superstar. Well I use that term loosely, because let’s face it, the XWF is chalked full of subpar wannabes and over-the-hill fossils that belong in a museum. Coincidently, both of Plex’s opponents tonight are prime examples of both. On one hand you have the young Kendall Sawyer, who despite her best attempts to convince you otherwise, has done nothing significant in the XWF except boast about accomplishments she did not earn. Then you have Wyatt Reynolds. Once a great racist and mediocre champion…and that’s about it. Maybe he was at the top of his game before the Civil War, but he’s been in decline ever since. I digress, you have tuned in to watch the always anticipated antics of your beloved Jon Plex. It just so happens he has just finished his photo shoot and arrived back at the motel.

Jon Plex
I’m not so sure about some of those outfits he had me try on.

Todd Vincent
Jon, the man is a professional. He’s photographed all the greats. I’m sure he has sense of what’s hot and trending.

Jon Plex
Are you sure? I didn’t know ass-less chaps and polyester shirts were on the comeback tour.

Todd Vincent
Well…

Jon Plex
Never mind! It’s over and done with! All I know is that I’m itchy as hell and need a shower.

Todd Vincent
Well you ahead and get cleaned up and I’ll start preparing everything for tonight.

Jon Plex
Sounds good. Wait… you’re not going to like… peek are you?

Todd Vincent
What are you talking about?

Jon Plex
I mean, I’m just saying… Dusty Wyatt was pretty convincing when he—

Todd Vincent
Man you better take your damn shower before I kick your ass!

Jon Plex
I’d like to see you try!

Plex lets out a natural animalistic roar and charges at Todd who simply side steps him and drives his elbow into Plex’s back, sending him to the floor.

Jon Plex
Ugh…ohh damn…who the hell taught you that!?

Todd Vincent
I used to represent The Rock when he first started out.

Jon Plex
You win this round Toddy, but their are 33 rounds left to go.

Todd Vincent
33..what…

Jon Plex
Yeahhhh this ain’t over by a long shot!

Again Plex tries to lunge at Todd, but only ends up receiving a judo-style chop to the side of his neck.

Jon Plex
Aww damn you done shut this whole side down.

Plex drops one side of his body and stumbles around the room.

Todd Vincent
Would you please just take your shower and hurry up. We don’t have all day for these shenanigans!

Plex reluctantly slumps off to the shower, while Todd starts packing up for their trip back to Key Arena for Monday Night Madness.

Todd Vincent
I swear that boy is a damn fool!

30 minutes later…

Jon Plex
Alright I’m ready to go!

Todd Vincent
Hold on a second, let me finish this anagram.

Jon Plex
Anagram!? Todd you can’t be doing drugs are you out of your damn mind!?

Todd Vincent
Drugs? It’s a anagram! Do you even know what that is?

Jon Plex
Yesssssss! Anything that comes in a gram can’t be good! You need to get off that shit man!

Todd Vincent
Forget it! Let’s just head out.

Jon Plex
Like a fetus!

Todd Vincent
Ew.

The two make their way to the limo that awaits outside to take them to Key Arena. Plex seems to be in his usual good spirits and Todd his usual uptight, no fun having old ass…

Todd Vincent
Hey fuck you! It’s called being mature and focused!

Try boring and a bitch!

Todd Vincent
:(

Jon Plex
Whamo!

I’m sorry, that was out of line. I mean, I meant it but I shouldn’t have said it.

Todd Vincent
That…doesn’t really make me feel any better…

Water under the bridge! Now I have to get you two to the arena! Let’s go! Annnnnnnnd you’re there!

Jon Plex
I love narrators!

Todd Vincent
Let’s just get to your locker room and prepare for tonight. It’s been a weird week and I’m just ready to put an end to it all.

Jon Plex
Oh no…no no no… my Toddy is suicidal! You been watching them damn Jeff Hardy DVDs again haven't you!?

Todd Vincent
What are you talking about!?

Jon Plex
Ohh it’s going to be ok buddy! We’re going to get you the best help money…well the best help a little money can buy! We’ll fight this thing together!

Todd Vincent
Are you serious right now?

Jon Plex
Serious!

The Joker
Why so serious?

Jon Plex
Not now Joker, I've got a life to save!

Todd Vincent
I got an idea. How about you save this promo and actually say something about your match tonight?

Jon Plex
Kendall Sawyer is a woman. Period! No I’m not talking about the bloody mess her vagina makes either, I’m talking about end of conversation! There is no middle ground. You’re either Jon Plex or you’re not. In her case, she’s not and some Oprah shit! God made Adam and Eve. Adam was winning World Titles while Eve was off chit-chatting with snakes and eating forbidden fruits! It’s in Genesis, just go ask the dude! Wyatt Reynolds. Hell he’s too busy at the Ku Klux Klan Kountry Klub playing shuffleboard or some shit to even realize he’s got a damn match. Don’t even try to explain to me how he even became champion! He must’ve had an inferno match with a cross or something! Bottom line is he’s a non factor and Sawyer is a non man! Put those two in a ring with the hottest thing since lava lamps and you’ve got a recipe for a new XWF European champion! Hell I had the highest ratings on XWF TV this week when I spoke after my battle royale win! I'm who the people want to see! Not a menstruating mental case or a retirement home racist! To summarize one last time… Sawyer is hot and probably wants to bang me which is cool and all, but all the tits and ass in the world won’t help you tonight! Wyatt is a peon, which would make since for him to be the “You’re a peon” champion, but tonight I’m the new peon!

Todd Vincent
Wait, no…context...

Jon Plex
No Todd! I got this! I’m gonna walk out of here the new peon and there’s nothing anybody can do about it!

Todd Vincent
Cut the feed!

Until we meet again, all hail Plex!

Jon Plex
But I’m not done dammit!?

#moreplexplease