+- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf99.com)
+-- Forum: RP Archive (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=113)
+--- Forum: Archives (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=13)
+---- Forum: "Anarchy Special" RP Board (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=10)
+---- Thread: Calling all cunts (/showthread.php?tid=11845)
Calling all cunts - Tommy Gunn - 04-21-2014
Let’s talk about what it means to matter.
And I don’t mean that in the Webster’s Dictionary sense.
I mean in the “I signed a contract to wrestle in the XWF but I am too much of a pussy to actually do so, so at the end of the day I don’t really MATTER."
Whoa Peter Gilmour, come down with the random annunciations.
Sorry, I get carried away when I talk about a subject really near and dear to my heart.
I thought about doing a promo where I cut each and every other opponent in this Battle Royale to pieces. It would have been fun, at least for me. But then I watched Heyman Alliance member Kendal Sawyer do it and honestly, it took a little bit of the wind from my sails.
But fear not, Tommy Gunn will prevail.
So with Plan A out of the window I am charging ahead with Plan B.
And that is ripping the XWF as a whole.
For far too long this place has adopted a sense of pussyocrity.
What is pussyocrity you ask?
Well let Professor Gunn school you fools.
Pussyoccrity is simultaneous pussification as while also striving for mediocrity at best of any group or sect.
In this case, the XWF roster.
Now if you are wondering, “Professor Gunn, what are the qualifications for someone to fall into this group of pussyocrity?”
The answer is really simpler than you would imagine.
Sign up for the XWF and then run away like a scared little bitch when someone offers you a challenge. That’s the pussy part.
Now as for medicocrity, well, basically, just strive to be Michael McBride, or Peter Gilmour. The old Peter Gilmour, not the new Peter Gilmour because he’s not the old Peter Gilmour, even though he walks and talks just like the old Peter Gilmour. But that’s another story for another day, one where I am probably so drunk that what I say will be completely ridiculous and probably make no sense whatsoever.
And yet it will still be better television than anything Peter Gilmour has ever done.
Past.
Present.
Or future Gilmour.
But now, back to Pussyocrity and all those that have been caught up in it’s wake.
Now while Michael McBride is mediocrity personified he’s not a pussy.
He will take a match against anyone.
At anytime.
Even when the liklihood of him getting his ass kicked is about as high as the chances of Frodo asking some random stranger if he can give him a little scratch and tickle.
That might, no, that does make McBride an idiot. But not a pussy.
You know who is a pussy though?
Nope, not SwagMire.
Well yes, SwagMire.
But that’s not where I am going with this, not now.
Been there.
Done that.
Oh and SwagMire…
Pussy.
Now, the man, I think it’s a man.
Rather, the person that I am talking about today is Zak “Man Tramp” Misery.
This mother fucker, I offer him a challenge, I offer him a chance to show the world what he is capable of.
And what does he do?
He says no.
But he doesn’t just say no.
He comes up with the worst excuse ever used since “I need to paint my nails.”
Which FYI Zak, you could have used that and it would have not only been less ridiculous than what you came up with but it would have actually be appropriate.
But instead you throw out there what you do.
And honestly, at the end of the day I’m the asshole for offering a challenge to you in the first place.
What the fuck was I thinking offering a challenge to a guy on the XWF roster?
Why would I think that a professional wrestler would want to have a wrestling match?
You are a professional wrestler right?
That’s an honest to God question.
I see your name on the roster, which makes me think you are a wrestler and yet.
You turned my challenge down.
After digging a little deeper to try and understand this turn of events I eventually stumbled upon the truth.
Not the truth you threw out there, but the real actual truth.
Are you ready to hear it Zak?
Are you ready to hear it XWF?
The reason that Zak Misery turned down my challenge wasn’t because he was afraid to put down his popcorn and stop watching his sister like a creeper on the other side of a one way mirror.
No.
The reason Zak Misery turned down my challenge was because he is too busy trying out for bit roles on the newest soap opera “Gays of Our Lives.”
Obviously with his wrestling career being a joke Zak has decided to try and go another route. That’s commendable.
If not completely steeped in gayness.
The irony of all of this is that his sister, who already has a starring role in said shitty soap opera actually decided to stick up for her brother and instead offered herself up in his place.
That’s kind of her.
Clearly she wears the balls in that family.
So to Minxs I say this. If you really want a match with me, if you really want your only positive attribute to get absolutely destroyed by my fists than yes, I will gladly beat you down.
But only under one condition.
Your little bitch brother has to be at ring side to watch.
Because that’s his thing isn’t it?
Watching?
Fucking creeper.
So what do you say Minxs? Does that work for you and your ball gaggling brother?
Or are you going to back out because the stipulations are too bad? You know, pull a SwagMire.
And yes, that’s a thing now.
Pulling a SwagMire.
It used to be called pulling a Gilmour but now there’s a new Gilmour so, out with the old, in with the new.
I’ll wait to hear from you Minxs.
Just like I’m still waiting to hear from that pussy SwagMire.
Just like I’m still waiting to hear from DarkJay Cock Rider and Vincent “I wasn’t good enough for TrueBlood” Kane.
Clock is ticking bitches.
And trust me when I say this.
Time is not on your side.
I am not a patient man so if I don’t start getting some answers I will start the introductions myself and they will go a little something like this:
My boot, your face.
Comprende?