Once upon a time, there was a ... wait that’s not right!

In a galaxy far, far away ... dammit!

Jon Plex
Come on man! This is my debut and you’re making me look silly!

Well it’s not exactly my fault that you have been away from wrestling for so long! I have been forced to work two jobs and setting the tone for a promo wasn’t one of them! There should be an expectation of rust.

Jon Plex
-_-

Don’t start! Ahem! Now where was I? Oh yes... it was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...

Jon Plex
You’re fired! Give me a time lapse before you go!

A few days later ...

Todd Vincent
What exactly are we doing here?

Jon Plex
Where?

Todd Vincent
Here!

Jon Plex
Where is here?

Todd Vincent
Hell I don’t know! Maybe if you hadn’t fired the introduction guy! He usually tells us where we are and what we are doing!

Jon Plex
Well I guess for the time being I could fill in. Hmm let’s see... oh I got it! We are at a temporary hiring agency looking for a replacement introduction guy!

Todd Vincent
Logical. Although I have a few more questions for you.

Jon Plex
Fire away buddy!

Todd Vincent
Sigh... I feel like I already know the answer before I ask the question.

Jon Plex
I knew it! You ARE psychic!

Todd Vincent
We are here for wrestling aren’t we?

Jon Plex
Yessir!

Todd Vincent
Son of a ...

Jon Plex
Now wait just a minute! This time will be different!

Todd Vincent
That’s what you said about the last time... and the last time.

Jon Plex
Yeah but those weren’t my fault! The doctor said I had one of the worst cases of attention deficit disorder he had ever seen!

Todd Vincent
So... what did he do?

Jon Plex
I dunno, I wasn’t paying much attention at the time.

Todd Vincent
Look, I don’t have time for this back and forth charade. Just give me the short and sweet of it.

Receptionist
Next!

Jon Plex
Ah, that’s me! I will now walk to the counter and present my requests to the lady behind the desk.

Todd Vincent
Why are you telling me what you are... ohh yeah... never mind.

Jon Plex
Hello. Hola. My name is Jon Plex. Mi nombre es Jon Plex.

Receptionist
Huh?

Todd Vincent
What the hell are you doing Jon?

Jon Plex
Well every time I call one of these places, they say everything in English and Spanish! I was being polite!

Receptionist
Um well sir that’s appreciated, but not necessary. I see on your paperwork that you are a professional wrestler and looking for someone with the skill set required to introduce you into a scene. Is that correct?

Jon Plex
Now we’re cooking with hot oil!

Todd Vincent
What are you... 50 years old?

Receptionist
Well it just so happens we have someone available that meets your requested criteria and can have them sent over immediately!

Jon Plex
Excellent!

Todd Vincent
Finally! Now we are getting somewhere!

Jon Plex
Literally!

First and foremost I would just like to thank you for the opportunity Mr.Plex. I have always been a big fan and hope that I can do you half the justice that your previous scene setter did!

Jon Plex
Yeah, yeah get on with it rook! I ain’t got all day!

Oh, well yes of course. The smell of urine and cigarette smoke fill the dingy, damp motel room where we find our hero Jon Plex packing his bags in preparation for his first match in the XWF tomorrow night at Warfare. Todd Vincent is looking over some of the material of his contract and researching his first opponent.

Jon Plex
Nicely done.

Todd Vincent
As much as I’d love to sit here in this disgusting piss pot glory hole and listen to your dialogue with a non-existent person, I think you should start directing your focus on your upcoming match.

Jon Plex
What is there to focus on?

Todd Vincent
Hmm I don’t know Jon... maybe the fact that it has been years since you last set foot inside a wrestling ring. Perhaps it could also be the fact that your opponent has already produced a novel introducing himself to the XWF and no one knows squat about you!

Jon Plex
I really feel like we can skip the particulars. Who cares about who I am or where I came from. In the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Todd Vincent
I swear to Christ if you start doing your promos in song lyric fashion I’m out of here!

Jon Plex
Fine! Geez, sorry if I just find it boring and nonsensical to trouble people with my baggage. The fans want the here and now Jon Plex!

Todd Vincent
It’s not like I am asking you to go the route of your opponent and give your life’s history. It wouldn’t hurt, however, to give a brief idea of you as a person outside the ring.

Jon Plex
Ugh! Ok well let’s see... I was born and raised in Philadelphia, more notably the West side of town.

Todd Vincent
See, that’s interesting to know. I have known you for years now and wasn’t even aware of that.

Jon Plex
Yeah well it’s because I don’t really like to talk about it all that much. It was a dark time of my past.

Todd Vincent
Let it out brother. No better platform than the one you have now. I think you’ll feel better afterwards.

Jon Plex
You think? Okay well... while growing up in Western Philly, I was never much of a “school” learning kind of guy so I spent most of my days chilling outside and especially found solace in shooting the ole basketball around. All good things must come to an end I am afraid.

Todd Vincent
What happened?

Jon Plex
Well... one day there were a couple of guys who came around and had started becoming rather bothersome to some of the locals. I knew they were up to no good and eventually it landed on my doorstep. I tried to ignore them, but ultimately it ended up in one big fight. After that my mother was always worried that something much worse was going to happen and decided it would be in my best interest to send me off to live with my aunt and uncle.

Todd Vincent
Wait a minute... Philadelphia... basketball... bullies & fighting... mom got scared... live with aunt and uncle... YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Jon Plex
What!?

Todd Vincent
That’s the theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air! Goddammit! Are you going to take anything seriously this time around or is this just going to be another ass adventure into your dumb ass reality!?

Jon Plex
I’d like to think a little of both.

Todd Vincent
Kill me now...

Jon Plex
Look, if it means that much to you than just give me a rundown of my opponent for tomorrow night and I’ll cut a little traditional promo to make you happy and then we can go get something to eat. Sound good?

Todd Vincent
Whatever gets me out of this dump is nothing short of brilliant.

Jon Plex
Perfect! Now who is this dude I will be “wrestling”? Hehe people still think it’s real!

Todd Vincent
Well I’ve been reading on the internet today and it looks like his name is Tyrant EX. Upon my initial google search his name, I was left with nothing but a bunch of weird anime and fighting game clips.

Jon Plex
Ugh! One of those nerds!?

Todd Vincent
Not exactly. I did some more digging and found his bio on the XWF superstar page. Jon... he is a monster!

Jon Plex
RONSTER!? RUH ROH!

Plex leaps on the bed and pulls the covers over his head.

Todd Vincent
Good lord man, not literally! I mean he is 7 feet tall and 300 pounds! One large individual. The EX is an abbreviation for “Executioner”.

Jon Plex
Interesting. I have a abbreviated nickname as well!

Todd Vincent
I noticed. “Top Shelf MFER”. Why exactly did you abbreviate the last part? It’s not like we are censored on this network.

Jon Plex
Oh really!? Well then, I must make sure people know me as “Top Shelf Mountain Fiddler” Jon Plex!

Todd Vincent
Hmm... maybe we keep the abbreviation.

Jon Plex
Aww! What else did you uncover about this foe of mine?

Todd Vincent
Well he is apparently a schizo. So in all honesty, you two should be teaming up instead of going at each other.

Jon Plex
I’ll take that as a compliment.

Todd Vincent
Of course you will. I don’t really have much more on him beyond that. I mean he has appeared on XWF television a few times this week, but he has spent most his airtime focusing on some Gilmour character and setting you aside as a second thought.

Jon Plex
Ohhh big mistake for a big man!

Todd Vincent
Well to be fair, you haven’t given him much to go on.

Jon Plex
Traitor! Guards seize him!

Umm... I didn’t put any guards in the scene... you never told...

Jon Plex
YOU HAD ONE JOB!

Todd Vincent
Look it doesn’t matter. He still made a point to mention your name. In a nutshell he is requesting that you spare yourself a beating and not show up to Warfare tomorrow night. It appears he is on some prior mission to have it out with the Gilmour guy. We could actually use that to our advantage.

Jon Plex
Ah yes, sneaky sneaky mouse! See, that’s why I always bring you along on these little adventures as you call them. You are the stone cold to my creamery.

Todd Vincent
I’ve been called worse.

Jon Plex
So Tyrant EX wants to put me, Jon Plex, on the back burner? I think he is overcompensating for their true measure of talent. If it’s one thing you’ll learn in the time to come XWF, it’s that you never underestimate Jon Plex. Outside that ring I might be a looney bin, but inside that ring... well.. I guess I’m basically the same guy because it’s just a ring. If it was a phone booth though, I’d change into something much better than what you see before you and there is no stopping me after that!

Todd Vincent
Did you just, in a roundabout way, call yourself Superman?

Jon Plex
Dude, no one can beat Superman! It’s the ultimate metaphor!

Todd Vincent
Fair argument.

Jon Plex
Look, if Tex, I’m calling him Tex now.

Todd Vincent
Obviously.

Jon Plex
If Tex wants to have this obsession with another wrestler whilst preparing for our upcoming bout then have at it! His distractions will ultimately prove to be his downfall at Warfare. I’m no magician, but I always have something up my sleeve.

Todd Vincent
Is this how you talk now? Constant cheesy comparisons?

Jon Plex
Look who’s talking Mr.Alliteration.

Todd Vincent
Damn you! I knew I should have never sent you to Community College for a year!

Jon Plex
Tex, I could go on for days about how ignorant it is to be ill prepared to face me... well not literally days because the match is tomorrow. I guess I should’ve said hours. Tex, I could go on for hours about how ignorant...

Todd Vincent
Jon!

Jon Plex
Just know that come Warfare, I will find a way to Tyrant EXpose your flaws and use them as a catalyst for my rise to fame here in the XWF. Then you can use your Tyrant EXcuse of Gilmour clouding your thoughts and you two can go do your little song and dance routine while I bask in my first victory!

Todd Vincent
That was actually well said. Kudos Jonny boy!

Jon Plex
Like how I twisted his name to humorously gain the upper hand?

Todd Vincent
Slow down before your head balloons out of control.

Sadly it was too late. Jon’s head had already done just that and he was floating out of the room through the window.

Todd Vincent
Jon!

Jon Plex
Meet me at Waffle Houseeeeeeeeeee!

Todd Vincent
This is going to be a long year!

That last part didn’t actually happen because we do still live in the realm of realism. In fact Jon had just went out to the car to get it started while Todd used the bathroom. They were, however, indeed going to the Waffle House to enjoy some delicious hash browns. Until next time.