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+--- Thread: Whiskey and jail cells. (/showthread.php?tid=11493)
Whiskey and jail cells. - John Samuels - 03-31-2014
The scene opens to a bright, sunny day and a mother walking her children through a large, greenery filled park. The camera shows a name tag pinned to her shirt that reads ‘Madison,’ with small pink hearts surrounding it. The mother, a haggard woman who is breathing hard through her mouth, controls two mentally challenged young boys--they run, stumble and laugh as they constantly run into each other, bumping their helmets together.
Madison: “Sebastian, Nathaniel, you boys need to settle down. We’ll find a quiet spot to breastfeed you boys as soon as we can.”
The woman continues walking, but stops when one of the tiny oafs trips over a large hump covered in newspaper. The man underneath sits up and groans. It’s a visibly inebriated John Samuels. Samuels squints and rubs his eyes, scratches his unkempt beard and swears under his breath before taking a swig from a half empty bottle of cheap whiskey.
Samuels: “Goddamn kid! I was sleeping here!”
Madison: “Don’t you yell at a poor Nathaniel! He’s a simple boy who doesn’t know any better!”
Samuels: “I’ll say! Good for nothing little fuck, just can’t help yourself from dragging everybody down, can you? You worthless little piece of possum shit.”
Nathaniel: “You can’t say those words you ni...ni….not nice man.”
Samuels: “Stutter some more, you worthless sack of shit. Look at you, you’re embarrassing the rest of your little club here. I don’t know how you haven’t cut this one loose yet, mama bear. He would’ve been better served as a bloody clump at the end of a coat hanger. You hear that, little Natey? You should’ve shot straight from your mother’s giant humphole into a garbage can, sandwiched between a half eaten order of Kung Pao chicken and the contents of some drunken sorority girl’s stomach.”
Madison: “Don’t you talk to him like that!”
Samuels: “Well what about tall, dark and clueless here? Can i talk about him?”
Madison: “Sebastian! Don’t you listen to this man, he’s clearly drunk!”
Samuels: “Awww how precious. Tiny little Sebastian. I bet he wouldn’t hurt a fly, would he? And by that, I mean he’s physically incapable. Look at him, he looks like he’d lose a fight to a ball of grease. What the fuck is his deal? He’s staring off into space like a little moron who’s living in a dream world filled with historical characters and people who can tolerate him. Poor little Basty, you know what’s going to happen to him when he grows up? He’s going to be big, and strong and he’s going to excel in boring people to the point that they contemplate fisting their own assholes to distract him long enough to waddle away from his bullshit stories.”
Madison: “Well I never! I’m calling the police!”
The woman pulls out her cellphone, but Samuels throws a cantaloupe he had concealed under the newspapers and knocks it out of her hands. The woman grabs the cantaloupe and probes the large hole in the center of it, when she pulls her fingers from the hole a clear liquid drips off, onto the ground.
Madison: “Have you been fucking this thing!?”
Samuels: “Shut your mouth you bitch. Don’t try to change the subject. I know who you are. I know who all of you are. You’re just another stupid, know-it-all cunt that has to hide behind her
parade because otherwise people would realize just how insignificant and worthless you really are. I see you trotting around here like you’re doing these a favor by walking them like a couple inbred cocker spaniels, but they’re the ones doing you the favor. If it weren’t for these subhumans trotting around here, people would take notice that you’ve got the most flaws out of them all, you just happen to fool everybody better. Not me though, I ain’t fooled, ya cunt. You’re strutting along with your two little Make-A-Wish candidates like I can’t smell that you’re a fuckin’ chicken… But I can smell it, it’s comin’ from inbetween your legs you nasty scunt. Wash the smell of superiority off of that thing, and maybe I won’t look at you like a Brit looks at a tube of toothpaste.”The woman begins frantically waving her hands at a pair of police officers patrolling the park, as they notice the waving, the police turn and begin walking toward the belligerent Samuels. Without breaking eye contact with the woman, Samuels pulls down his pants and begins to urinate on the ground right next to the children.
Samuels: “M-A-D-I-S-O- Almost, almost… there’s the N! Hey look scunt! I spelled your name, probably the nicest thing and guy has ever done for you, you
factory. Oh! I forgot to dot the i! Excuse me just one moment…”Samuels turns and pulls down his pants and squats down in-between the two young children. Samuels rests his arms on the childrens’ shoulders and braces himself.
Samuels: “Stay still, boys, this one feels like it’s gonna growl a bit.”
Before he can finish the deed, Samuels is tackled by the arriving cops. He laughs as they pin his arms behind him and stand him up, his bare ass facing the camera. Samuels begins to shake violently, then stops suddenly and bursts into laughter.
Samuels: “Did you see it? I was ‘twerking!’”
The police officers shake their heads and roughly lead him away from the now crying children and their disgusted mother. Samuels laughs as he’s being led to the police car parked in the parking lot. Along the way, Samuels attempts to kick a pomeranian, stumbles and falls right on his face. The police lift him up and begin to drag him the last few feet towards the car.
Samuels: “This is police brutality! Let me go or else I’ll have my buddy Theo hire a great, big black man to do to your butts what John Madison does to NAZI’s mouth!”
As the police put Samuels into the back of the squad car, one slams his head against the roof of the car, chuckles and throws Samuels in the back. The scene cuts to the car driving down the road, a black and blue Samuels seated in the back seat, head bobbing around with a smile on his face.
Samuels: “And then, and then I says… fuck you, Nerochinko! And that’s the day I became the greatest thing to ever happen to the XWF. That’s also the day that those Bitch Circle pussies all collectively decided that they were gonna be too busy painting each other’s toenails and comparing the smells of their tampons to get up of their swollen pusslips and face me! Every damn one of them, they know I’m better than they are, and they’ve been hiding ever since.. but they can’t hide any more. I finally get to see those wart covered pussies up close and personal, and I’m gonna violently stick my fist into each and every one of them. Oh yeah, that’s gonna be quite the sight: John Madison getting fisted like the stupid, loose little bitch that he is. Maybe if I’m feeling nice I’ll use Nazi’s tears to lube up Sebastian’s Maddy-hole. These poor girls are gonna cry harder than when Shane
broke their hymens and promised that he loved them. Silly bitches.”The car comes to a screeching halt in front of the county courthouse. The camera cuts to the interior where Samuels is thrown inside a holding cell with several drunk men. Samuels paces back and forth, bumping into his cellmates as he stares at clock on the opposite wall.
Samuels: “Hey! You guys know how they got the name The Black Circle, right? One day John Madison said ‘Hey Sebastian Dick! We’ll name our merry group of
after whatever you stick your tongue into!’ So naturally, Sebastian Dick pulled down Madison’s pants, making Nazi jealous, and bent him over. I assume the black part of the circle are the little balls of dried up shit that cling to Madison’s asshole hair, that Duke crunched on like croutons in the world’s most disgusting salad.”A shoe slamming against the back of Samuels’ head cuts him off, and sends his face into the bars of the cell. With a head of steam, Samuels spins around and lifts both middle fingers.
Samuels: “And just who the fuck do you think you… Oh, it’s you.”
The camera turns to reveal Morbid Angel seated on a bench, shaking his head at Samuels as the scene fades to black.