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+--- Thread: Any better? :/ (/showthread.php?tid=1134)
Any better? :/ - Agony - 02-28-2013
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=1133
What do you guys think of this RP, I tried to establish a setting as well as more actions.
Any better? :/ - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 03-01-2013
I enjoyed it but I'd say to add on to the description sections if you can. (in future RPs) Instead of using one quick line to describe him pouring the blood on himself, maybe try adding onto it... Talk about how he slowly lifts the bucket as he stares into the camera and then stares into the bucket itself before lifting it higher and tilting it. Describe the flow of the blood as it pours out and creeps down his head, neck, body, etc... maybe finish it off with a headbutt to the bucket or by kicking it out into the distance before shaking his head and letting blood fly all over, even hitting the camera. Obviously you'd word things like that in your own way but it's sometimes good to give those "big" moments of an RP more attention and focus. Don't rush through them with just 1 line because you want them to stick with the reader before we go back to spoken word from your character.
I'd also suggest using either a different color for spoken text, or some kind of alternate formatting to make it much easier on the reader to tell speaking from narration. Sometimes a quote mark (") is not enough at the start and end of spoken sections as everything can start looking like one blob of the same color to some readers.
Overall it's a great step in the right direction and I think with some further tweaking you will continue improving significantly.