I grew up with the saying of if you get knocked down get back up before someone kicks you. I've come to learn I've never lived by that saying, instead, I lived by the saying of if you get knocked down make someone kick you so you can kick harder. Perhaps this is the reason why I feel the way I do and am the monster I made myself out to be. I've hurt people I cared about and became someone I hated.
You could say that is the reason I am here today, sitting, waiting, watching a door swing open and people I know nothing about walk in and ask for a beer. I am away from the ring again, missing as some would call it. Maybe I walked away due to wanting answers or perhaps just closure in knowing what I am. I do plan to return to the ring but for now "Missing" was the best for me.
With only Ally knowing my exact location I was trying to stay away from the radar of everyone else. It explains the reason behind why I am sitting in this dump with a Vodka Coke in my hand.
Wow.
A sigh left my lips as I watched a man walk in and walk near the table. He stopped beside me and looked down with a smile on his face that was warm and inviting, it took me off guard slightly. I looked up and smiled back.
I told Ally where I was, I didn't think she would come but I also didn't expect the brother Callaway to come. Hello Damien.
OOC: Took me forever to type with one hand and I might have taken meds to late and slept later than the alarm, sorry for the lateness of the rp lol.
"Hello beautiful. How are you?" Damien offered his hand to her, wondering if she would take it. "It has been a while, hasn't it?" He looked at Mandii and god was she beautiful. "Sorry I've been absent for some time. Life took a toll on me."
I took his hand and stood from my seat as he pulled me into a hug.
Life takes a toll on us all at times, don't worry about it. With that being said life's taken its toll on me but I'm still fighting.
I pulled away, a smile on my face.
It is good to see you. Now mind sitting down and telling me about this toll on your life? You tell me yours I might tell you mine.
Damien let her sit first then took a seat. He took a deep breath and looked at her. Still keeping his head angled down.
"Well, let's just start at the beginning shall we?"
Damien took another deep breath, trying to still his racing heart. Damn you Mandii Rider.
"I was married once before, sadly, a group called Catalyst shot her. She and my unborn child died. I was messed up for a pretty long time, then, I met Micah. I thought my life was changing. Come to find out I was setting myself up for another heartbreak. She and I split, and I didn't see her again, until I came here to help Griffin rescue my sister. And well.. the rest is public knowledge. I did a favor for her and Zak, days later she's fucking King Theo and then runs back to Radio. So naturally, I washed my hands of it. And now.. here I sit."
Damien nodded and took a sip of his drink, before setting it back down on the table gently.
If only Jason had the wise idea of washing his hands of Micah. Sadly I have to say I'm here due to Jason having feelings for her and me thinking her brother would be any use to me. I ended coming here for only the site of him being with someone, Nova, and having Jason tell me I'm the one that turned him gay.
I laughed under my breath and took a sip of my Vodka and Coke.
I'm not exactly what you call "normal" anymore. In fact, I'm not sure what I am. I know I've changed and part of me wanted to come here and work out what I am with Zak. That was a bust and now I'm on my own trying to find out what I am. Hence the reason I'm out and away from the ring.
Looking over at Damien I caught his eyes on me. I smiled and put my head down before sitting back in the seat.
I probably sound like the stupidest love sick chick. Things used to be easy and then I lost...
I choked on Sage's name and closed my eyes.
I'm just confused right now and sick of pain coming from everywhere.
I leaned my head on Damiens shoulder and let out a sigh before looking forward.
I've had this feeling the world enjoys kicking my ass lately.Good to know it's not just my ass the world enjoys to kick.
"Sounds to me like you could use a friend."
Damien nodded with a smile in her direction. He remembered how it felt after he lost his kid, then hearing that Micah's son Kain had been his, he jut felt seriously lost.
"Sometimes I think that's what we all need, someone who's been there and understands what it's like."
Damien offered his hands to her, offering her the comfort she longed for.
I looked down at his hands. Comfort, its what many longed for in times of pain or confusion, but was it really what I wanted? I wanted to bring pain to one man who I used to love and watch the pain of another.
You don't understand everything that has happened to me Damien. I don't even understand a lot of it.
I looked up into his eyes. He was kind and caring and after all that has happened, he was still a person worth having around. I was a monster, having him in my life, even as friend, could end badly for the both of us. I took his hands. Any type of love, would I be able to feel it...or even allowed to feel it...
I need to tell you something but not here. You need to know what exactly has happen with me over the past few months, even before coming to XWF.
I stood up with one of Damien's hands in mine.
If you truly want to help, if that is your intentions here Damien, will you follow? I will tell you now, I'm not a safe person to be around but will you trust me enough to follow? If I tell you everything there is something I have to show you first.
I looked down on Damien and the smile I had before was gone. The only thing I questioned now was will he follow?
Damien stood with a nod and followed Mandii. He would have to trust her. He could.. it would just take a bit of time. Time was something they had.
"I will follow you Mandii."
He nodded looking at her. He wondered what made her lose her way. What had changed her so much from the person he had heard about to the woman she is now. Something about her in that moment seemed so different than normal.
"You can tell me everything you want to."
He smiled, taking her hand in his and walking out of the shop, following her to wherever she was going to take him.
A dirt road laid out in-front of Damien and me as I stopped the car and opened my door to accumulating dirt in the air. Standing up, I could feel my heart race and I couldn't stop myself from wondering how much of a mistake this could be. He looked over at me from the other side of the car before walking around and holding out his hand. I took it and together we walked down the dirt path leading to a cluster of trees, almost like a fairy tail ending but this wasn't happy ever after.
After talking about what had happen with Zak and what I had been through the past few months we stood in front of what seemed to be a cave made of the branches of trees. I looked over at Damien and released a sigh.
I lost Sage, me and Marcus got into a fight and things were done and said that found me unsuitable to parent her. In taking her away, I changed...
Damien stood still for a moment as my words trailed off into the air. I moved what leaves hung down over to one side as a brownish gold color gleamed over my eyes and I went into what seemed nothing more than a hole in the middle of the leaves. I reached out for Damien's hand, eyes still goldish brown, and he took it going into the leaves with me. When we got to an opening in the leaves, it lead to an open area where the water was a crystal blue and the grass around it was lush green. I looked over at Damien then over the water.
I've been here trying to understand what I am. When I said I changed I mean completely changed. Everything about me was different after I lost Sage. I lost the only part of me that was keeping me...Human.
Damien...
I turned to him.
I'm a Siren. After I lost Sage I went through a pain I had never felt mentally and then physically. I lost her and only a few days a shooting pain was going though of my body. It felt like fire running in my veins.
I turned away and started to walk to closer to the water in front of us.
The pain stopped but I had an uncontrollable anger for some time. I had turned on Jason and wasn't able to control anything about me.
I turned back to Damien.
When I get upset I'm not able to control myself. You seem to care deeply to how I feel and that is not always the best for us both. I don't want to hurt you on purpose or even accidentally. I care for you Damien and I care that you trust me enough to follow me. I wish I could say that I won't hurt you and that whatever this is I feel for you will stop me from ever hurting you but I can't.
I growled slightly under my voice before closing my eyes and kicking my foot picking up a slight dust patch as I turned back to the water.
We aren't supposed to care for anyone but ourselves yet I care for you, I care deeply about you. I brought you here and told you everything as a warning. I know you want to help and I too want your help, but I don't know how far things will go and I don't know what you want. I thought if I brought you here and told you everything you would understand the monster I am and turn me away or walk away yourself.
I laughed under my breath and looked up.
I don't know what you see me as and I didn't expect to feel this toward you. I want you to turn me away so I don't you hurt and so I know I won't get hurt but at the same time....I wish I could just be with you...around you.I feel no rage when I am around you. I feel less than a monster.