01-12-2014, 08:52 PM
Frodo sits down in front of the camera in his living room, he has a serious look on his face, and this is unlike him. His normally jovial face looks angry, and almost dangerous.
"An open challenge to everyone on the Monday card has been issued by Frodo Smackins, and I doubt any of you will actually be man enough to answer. Yes, I’ve mostly been calling out Caliban but I’ll be taking on any of you who think you’re good enough to handle me. Trust me, you’re wrong, but you can try. Let’s break down the list of why you’re wrong, and who you are.
Levi Storm, who the fuck are you? Some poncy little boy running around in your drawers like you’re some sexy thing. I will break every bone in your face, I am not afraid of you. You say you’ve trained with some of the best MMA fighters? Well, I’ve done MMA fighting, I did Krav Maga, and Wing Tsun. Look those last two up, then tell me you wanna ride with me. There’s no ending for that match that works in your favor. You are an insect compared to me. Yes, you’re taller than I am, that won’t stop me from ending your career here. When you go to sleep at night, I want you to think of me, lurking under your bed, waiting to destroy you. That’s where I’ll be, that’s what I’ll be. Though I took my name from Frodo, for you I’ll be Gollum, boy. Bite your finger off, too. Put on some damn pants, and hope to god I don’t ruin those good looks too badly. You’ll need them when you realize you can’t handle this.
Ric Flair, you’re a used up tampon. Fuck off. Do I need to add more? Ok, if I have to? If we fight I will break your dusty old hips, and raggedy Anne bones. You’ll be driven to Hospice after I destroy you. And it will hurt. When I’m done I’ll call Amos James Jr. because you’ll be begging for the rot. Just go away. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will. Unlike Levi, I want to hurt that pretty boy, take the pretty out of there.
Hayden. Same as Levi, who in the level of fuck do you think you are? Am I to be impressed because you have sex and can remember names in the morning? Does your money intimidate me? Not one bit, not about anything. You’re not some playboy billionaire in the ring, in the ring you’re my bitch. And I will make you cry like one. It will hurt, and I will laugh. Probably get a hard on, too. After I beat your ass in the ring I’m going to jerk off with hundred dollar bills. Cum on a C-note. Fucking wasting money just to prove you’re not anyone special. Bitch.
Dimallisher, are you
? I mean, seriously? Your valet looks like Miss Piggy, if Miss Piggy gained a ton, literally a ton. And about your pinning move, I’m going to quote Morbid Angel,
Linguist, let’s see how if I can make this so easy even a French piece of euro trash like yourself can understand. You don’t want any of this, boy. I will kick your ass so bad you’ll feel like it’s the 30’s and my name’s Adolf. I will walk you around that ring singing “Die Loreli”. Your people have never been fighters, now’s not the time to try and buck up like a real man, hear me Jacques? Go on home and make me some fries, or toast or whatever you do when not pantomiming and being invaded by Germany. And for the love of god, what kind of respectable man is named Linquini? You’re named after a pasta, you moron. Goddamn frogs invading my country.
I’m not even commenting on Sid Feder, he’s already a fucking joke. Not even the good Feder, the real Feder. The Real Feder is from Detroit, you’re just a worthless puppy trying to be a wolf. When we meet in the ring on the 29th I will beat you then, too. There will never be a match where you can beat me. End of story. Get the real Feder back.
And Morbid Angel, I ain’t fucking with you. You literally picked me up and carried me through the mall. Fuck that noise."
Frodo got up, walked away from the room, then came back a minute later.
"Boo, bitches. Eat my dick."
Then he walked off leaving the camera still rolling.
"An open challenge to everyone on the Monday card has been issued by Frodo Smackins, and I doubt any of you will actually be man enough to answer. Yes, I’ve mostly been calling out Caliban but I’ll be taking on any of you who think you’re good enough to handle me. Trust me, you’re wrong, but you can try. Let’s break down the list of why you’re wrong, and who you are.
Levi Storm, who the fuck are you? Some poncy little boy running around in your drawers like you’re some sexy thing. I will break every bone in your face, I am not afraid of you. You say you’ve trained with some of the best MMA fighters? Well, I’ve done MMA fighting, I did Krav Maga, and Wing Tsun. Look those last two up, then tell me you wanna ride with me. There’s no ending for that match that works in your favor. You are an insect compared to me. Yes, you’re taller than I am, that won’t stop me from ending your career here. When you go to sleep at night, I want you to think of me, lurking under your bed, waiting to destroy you. That’s where I’ll be, that’s what I’ll be. Though I took my name from Frodo, for you I’ll be Gollum, boy. Bite your finger off, too. Put on some damn pants, and hope to god I don’t ruin those good looks too badly. You’ll need them when you realize you can’t handle this.
Ric Flair, you’re a used up tampon. Fuck off. Do I need to add more? Ok, if I have to? If we fight I will break your dusty old hips, and raggedy Anne bones. You’ll be driven to Hospice after I destroy you. And it will hurt. When I’m done I’ll call Amos James Jr. because you’ll be begging for the rot. Just go away. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will. Unlike Levi, I want to hurt that pretty boy, take the pretty out of there.
Hayden. Same as Levi, who in the level of fuck do you think you are? Am I to be impressed because you have sex and can remember names in the morning? Does your money intimidate me? Not one bit, not about anything. You’re not some playboy billionaire in the ring, in the ring you’re my bitch. And I will make you cry like one. It will hurt, and I will laugh. Probably get a hard on, too. After I beat your ass in the ring I’m going to jerk off with hundred dollar bills. Cum on a C-note. Fucking wasting money just to prove you’re not anyone special. Bitch.
Dimallisher, are you
? I mean, seriously? Your valet looks like Miss Piggy, if Miss Piggy gained a ton, literally a ton. And about your pinning move, I’m going to quote Morbid Angel, Morbid Angel Said:that shit is just nasty…it takes a dysfunctional motherfucker to fart on another motherfuckers face like that. We will meet, maybe, and you will try and pin me, try and fart on my face, but I will bite your ballsack if your ass goes near my face. Put that shit in my mouth, and clamp down like you were a bear, and I’m the trap. I will come at you from the high road, then the low road, and if you’re lucky I’ll actually stick to that plan and not just sneak up on you and break your goddamn jaw. Football helmet or no, this won’t be the end of Rudy. There will be no cheers for you, just cries as I end you. I may be tiny, but I will rip out your goddamn trachea like I was a pitbull and you were fucking up my turf.
Linguist, let’s see how if I can make this so easy even a French piece of euro trash like yourself can understand. You don’t want any of this, boy. I will kick your ass so bad you’ll feel like it’s the 30’s and my name’s Adolf. I will walk you around that ring singing “Die Loreli”. Your people have never been fighters, now’s not the time to try and buck up like a real man, hear me Jacques? Go on home and make me some fries, or toast or whatever you do when not pantomiming and being invaded by Germany. And for the love of god, what kind of respectable man is named Linquini? You’re named after a pasta, you moron. Goddamn frogs invading my country.
I’m not even commenting on Sid Feder, he’s already a fucking joke. Not even the good Feder, the real Feder. The Real Feder is from Detroit, you’re just a worthless puppy trying to be a wolf. When we meet in the ring on the 29th I will beat you then, too. There will never be a match where you can beat me. End of story. Get the real Feder back.
And Morbid Angel, I ain’t fucking with you. You literally picked me up and carried me through the mall. Fuck that noise."
Frodo got up, walked away from the room, then came back a minute later.
"Boo, bitches. Eat my dick."
Then he walked off leaving the camera still rolling.