01-09-2014, 09:26 PM
The scene opens up to Frodo in his underwear, with a bottle of Jack in his hands, clearly celebrating his victory over Hank Lane. He notices there’s a camera about, and decides to speak into it, for Caliban. His next victim.
How are you able to keep throwing mad insults at me? How are you able to take yourself seriously as a “competitor”? Don’t you actually have to win, or even come close to winning for that? You’ve done nothing of the sort. All you do is get the shit kicked out you and claim to be great. You know who you’re like? North Korea. You are Kim Jong Un, just a lot less useful and comical. You’re his
brother, Kim Jong TIMMAHH! From now on the only thing you should be saying is “TIMMAHH!” whenever anyone speaks to you. I think you need to actually quit the XWF and go to the Special Olympics, it’s not fair for us to be challenging someone who’s so obviously mentally handicapped. Shit, son, I’m higher than Giraffe pussy most of the day and I still make more sense than you. Oh, you smoke some weed so you think your drug habits can keep up with mine? Mother fucker, I get higher within an hour of waking up than you do in a year. Here, let me help you out a little. Repeat after me, “I, Caliban, refuse to fight in the XWF ever again because I am that goddamn useless.”
That’s ok, quitting is perfectly acceptable when your only other option is to be beaten so badly that even your own mother can’t identify you. Who else do you have a scheduled match with coming up? Another person you can’t possibly beat? Is there anyone here you can beat? Yes, I think you might have a chance to beat that Table guy/thing/whatever, but I don’t think you’ll win that one either. Maybe those dudes over at Resistance Inc. but likely you’ll get squashed by them as well. Damn, I don’t actually think you can beat anyone. Fuck, you really are the bottom of the barrel.
And no, my book references aren’t to insult you, if I wanted to do that I’d have to go much lower than DNA or even Stephanie Meyer so you can actually understand what I’m saying. Dr. Seuss might be more your speed there, little fellow. You keep bragging about how awesomely literate you are by calling yourself Caliban after one of Shakespeare’s worst plays ever, then bragged about your Pratchett sleeve. I just wanted you to realize you’re not the only around here who gets your half-assed literature jokes. Come back when you can name a good book, or author. Hell, come back when people will actually be convinced you know how to read. And yes, I am well aware that Frodo Smackins is a reference to a book that came out in the 40’s, and is much older than any of its movie adaptations. I never claimed making references to works of literature was lame, I just said that Terry Pratchett was lame.
Now, you fall back on making fun of me because my mother doesn’t love me and I’m short, and formally poor. So what if I live in a TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT WITH CRACK, MY MANAGER, so what if I still don’t have a car? Who cares if I occasionally sell my ass on backpage for rent money? And people pay! Not a lot, but they pay. Fact is I admit to all of these things, so you pointing them out isn’t really insulting me as much as it parroting me. Polly want a cracker? BEEEGAWK! Yeah, I figured you’d have nothing original to say. You suck.
Frodo steps away from the camera and begins to thrust his pelvis at the camera in an explicit manner. Then he grabs a sign that says “Caliban can suck this” with an arrow pointing downwards, he begins to hold the sign over his crotch as he thrusts.
What’s your girl’s name? I’ll fuck her so hard my jism will form an appendix for her. Can’t fix your soulless red hair problem, sorry. No matter how much jism I pump up your ass, or down your throat you still won’t get a soul. You’re god’s mistake. Jesus’ abortion, as it were. Good game, though. Bitch.
He puts the camera down and walks away, exposing his bare ass to the camera, a sticker on his ass reads, "Caliban can kiss this."