01-09-2014, 10:27 AM
Frodo was standing in the middle of a dark room with just a table in the middle. There was a manila envelope on the table. He brushed the envelope off to the side, and sat down.
Caliban, you’re just a sad sack of shit. You talk all this game about being so amazing, but come on dude. You couldn’t even get a solid hit in on Morbid, or Peterson. Can’t you hit a Diamond Cutter from anywhere in the ring? Guess not. Guess you can’t even climb the rope proper. Go back, treat your head wound and enjoy being the bottom dog in the kennel. I’d wager that you’ll never win a match here, because you suck. Let’s face it, Table could beat you. Fuck, Morbid’s kid could probably kick your ass. Matter of fact, that’s what I’d like to see, you fighting Morbid’s son. Let a 10 year old kick your ass back to that shithole you call a country.
And what was with that weak ass promo you cut? You think you’re top shit now? Your shit sucks, and your promos have been getting worse over time, like your first one was pretty ok, but then started getting shittier with each successive one. I have to be 5’5” to fight you? Bitch, I’m 5’6”. You know when we fight I will destroy you, so you throw up these weak ass claims to distract me, and the audience. No one thinks I’m legitimate? Then why am I signed up to take on a slew of people in the next month? I’ve got Amos, then Ezekiel, and then Gilmour and I might even throw Smoke, McBride, or Theo in there just for teenage kicks. Yeah, that’s a Busted joke; you’re not the only one who can allude to British things.
Speaking of British things, when we get down to the ring you and I are going to play a fun game. I call it “Colonization.” You be Northern Ireland, and I’ll be England. First I’ll destroy you, then I’ll claim you as my own, and then for the finally I’ll destroy you again. Fuck, maybe McBride and I can fight over your useless corpse for a while, all the while kicking you in the ribs to make sure you know you’re sub-human. How many northern irish does it take to change a light bulb? None, they have to get the Queen’s permission before they can wipe their “arse”.
I mean, where do I go from here? You can’t refute any of my claims, you can’t come up with a decent come back, you can’t win a match. I’m beginning to wonder what you can do besides lose spectacularly. Please, help me think of something you can do. You can’t stump me with your literary references, I’m a System Admin, or was, that means I didn’t have much of a social life, so I read a lot. Is that why you read, because you’ve no friends? Go read something good, next time. Color of Magic is terrible. That’s why Pratchett gave himself Alzheimer’s, so he could forget his shitty books. Here, I’ll make a recommendation for you, HitchHiker’s guide to the Galaxy. Or Twilight, you look like the type of fellow who enjoys Twilight. Team Edward, or Jacob?
No, you’re definitely Edward. Sparkly vamps are your thing, I bet. Don’t worry, I like boys with fangs, too. Look, I can break down all the reasons you suck all day, or I can make this clear. Face me like a man, for real. Cut a decent promo, act like a man, and see me in the ring, or fuck off. You’re not good at shit, you’re not big, you’re not bad, and you’ll never be. If you’re not going to put even the slightest bit of effort into a promo how can I be sure you’ll put any effort into a match with me? I’m disappointed, the supposedly great man with a “great” return turns out to be a joke. Nothing but a joke, and not even a good joke. Go home, just go home and hide in your mother’s closet.
Oh, and I know my mother doesn’t like me, I know I’m short, and I know I suck dick for pills. These are all cheap and low shots beneath someone as amazing as you claim. He’s one for you, though.
Frodo pulls out a picture of Caliban, drops his pants, stands over it, and shits on the picture.
You’re beneath my shit, how’s that make you feel?
Caliban, you’re just a sad sack of shit. You talk all this game about being so amazing, but come on dude. You couldn’t even get a solid hit in on Morbid, or Peterson. Can’t you hit a Diamond Cutter from anywhere in the ring? Guess not. Guess you can’t even climb the rope proper. Go back, treat your head wound and enjoy being the bottom dog in the kennel. I’d wager that you’ll never win a match here, because you suck. Let’s face it, Table could beat you. Fuck, Morbid’s kid could probably kick your ass. Matter of fact, that’s what I’d like to see, you fighting Morbid’s son. Let a 10 year old kick your ass back to that shithole you call a country.
And what was with that weak ass promo you cut? You think you’re top shit now? Your shit sucks, and your promos have been getting worse over time, like your first one was pretty ok, but then started getting shittier with each successive one. I have to be 5’5” to fight you? Bitch, I’m 5’6”. You know when we fight I will destroy you, so you throw up these weak ass claims to distract me, and the audience. No one thinks I’m legitimate? Then why am I signed up to take on a slew of people in the next month? I’ve got Amos, then Ezekiel, and then Gilmour and I might even throw Smoke, McBride, or Theo in there just for teenage kicks. Yeah, that’s a Busted joke; you’re not the only one who can allude to British things.
Speaking of British things, when we get down to the ring you and I are going to play a fun game. I call it “Colonization.” You be Northern Ireland, and I’ll be England. First I’ll destroy you, then I’ll claim you as my own, and then for the finally I’ll destroy you again. Fuck, maybe McBride and I can fight over your useless corpse for a while, all the while kicking you in the ribs to make sure you know you’re sub-human. How many northern irish does it take to change a light bulb? None, they have to get the Queen’s permission before they can wipe their “arse”.
I mean, where do I go from here? You can’t refute any of my claims, you can’t come up with a decent come back, you can’t win a match. I’m beginning to wonder what you can do besides lose spectacularly. Please, help me think of something you can do. You can’t stump me with your literary references, I’m a System Admin, or was, that means I didn’t have much of a social life, so I read a lot. Is that why you read, because you’ve no friends? Go read something good, next time. Color of Magic is terrible. That’s why Pratchett gave himself Alzheimer’s, so he could forget his shitty books. Here, I’ll make a recommendation for you, HitchHiker’s guide to the Galaxy. Or Twilight, you look like the type of fellow who enjoys Twilight. Team Edward, or Jacob?
No, you’re definitely Edward. Sparkly vamps are your thing, I bet. Don’t worry, I like boys with fangs, too. Look, I can break down all the reasons you suck all day, or I can make this clear. Face me like a man, for real. Cut a decent promo, act like a man, and see me in the ring, or fuck off. You’re not good at shit, you’re not big, you’re not bad, and you’ll never be. If you’re not going to put even the slightest bit of effort into a promo how can I be sure you’ll put any effort into a match with me? I’m disappointed, the supposedly great man with a “great” return turns out to be a joke. Nothing but a joke, and not even a good joke. Go home, just go home and hide in your mother’s closet.
Oh, and I know my mother doesn’t like me, I know I’m short, and I know I suck dick for pills. These are all cheap and low shots beneath someone as amazing as you claim. He’s one for you, though.
Frodo pulls out a picture of Caliban, drops his pants, stands over it, and shits on the picture.
You’re beneath my shit, how’s that make you feel?