X-treme Wrestling Federation

-3x3x3x3x3x3x3x-

8==>Just Some Silly Bullshit<==8
8==>January 6th<==8

I arrive at my Miami Floria home -- probably my least favorite of all -- and I start going through all the mail that has been collecting. I haven't been here in about a month and many of my bills are sent to this address so I need to--

--oh shit! I didn't see you there! Yeah, I was just narrating the things I do out loud to myself and didn't even see I was on camera. Crazy, huh?

Well I guess you guys don't want to hear about my bills. I'm also pretty sure you guys already know my take on this whole European Championship defense I've been stuck into on tonight's Madness. We certainly don't need another lecture about how shitty the TV Title is, but here's thirty more reasons why it blows--
1) Because it's the only title in the XWF that professional sportsbooks will never accept bets on -- you can bet on WWE events, XWF events, every other sporting event known to man but when it comes to the XWF's Television Title you will never see it listed
2) Because it's the only XWF championship that doesn't get you a 50% discount at Steak N Shake
3) Because it's, ok fuck that! I'm not really listing 30 fucking things. We all understand what a lackluster champion Mr. Supernova is by now,

But do we understand how fucking shitty he is when it comes to -- wait for it -- TELEVISION?

Here I am in my Miami home, setting my bills aside so you and I can sit down together and watch some Supernova Television together. We enter the main living room which has a light blue and white color scheme to it -- light blue walls with white trim, white leather couches and recliners, and light blue curtains pushed aside to let the sun come pouring into the room. Of course you can see all of this for yourself just like you can see how nicely those artificial plants in the corners compliment the feel of the room.

I sit down in the middle of my amazingly comfortable couch and just let myself finish sinking into it for a couple seconds with a grin on my face. I grab the remote and fuck around with it for a while; much longer than what it would have been if I was prepared for this. I end up having to use two different remotes just to get where I want to be.

Fucking televisions.

I notice that my satellite TV is out and I roll my eyes because this is not uncommon. How is it that satellite TV is out this often in fucking Miami? Oh well, no matter -- let's switch to my internet and find a Mr. Supernova promo that way.

Let's start with this one--

Quote:The sun was slowly fading below the horizon when I started out on my journey. A journey that began on my rooftop and in an instant, saw me standing just outside of a densely packed, tree filled forest.

Oh, fuck me! I yell out loud as soon as I see he's doing that thing I hate -- fucking narrating his own god damned shit. How stupid is that? Just let people watch what's happening or hire a narrator who doesn't sound like he's got a dick in his mouth when he talks. Is that just my speakers or is your narration really that muffled sounding? How many dicks exactly are in front of your face when you record this shit?

Pssh; people narrating their own shit. Losers, man, I tell ya.

Anyway, I am excited to at least hear Mr. Supernova is about to take us on a journey with him. Let's turn back to the screen and see what's happening now--

Quote:Even though I'd like to cite myself as one of the greatest and most brilliant minds to travel the stars, curing vampirism is not an endeavor I can say I have much experience in. And, so...I must seek out those I believe might be of service in this situation.

I start kicking my feet into the air, leaning back into the couch and just laughing so fucking hard right now. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! What? Did this guy just start talking about trying to cure VAMPIRISM and confess that he doesn't have much experience in it? I keep on laughing, just saying fuck it and throwing my remote at the screen. It bounces off and the screen looks all distorted and fucked up now.

Damn you Nova! You broke my fucking monitor!

I am screaming but laughing; it's an unusual combination and not something I find myself doing often. I slap my hand down on the leather couch and it makes a loud smacking sound as I just keep laughing my ass off. Nova is seriously talking about curing vampirism and seeking out individuals he thinks can help -- oh boy, I'll help! I have the cure!

I shake my head, still laughing obnoxiously and my face red. I walk over to a small, long desk that is pushed up against the far back wall and I pick up a wooden stake--

--Ok, ok no, you got me. It's not a wooden stake; who the fuck has a wooden stake sitting around in their living room? This is actually what we humans call a pencil. I jab it forward a few times in similar fashion to somebody practicing fencing and I think about how easily I could jam this into Supernova's heart and be the answer to his vampire woes. Why the fuck didn't he come to me?

Shit, if that doesn't work then I'll grab some pliers like these ones I just happen to have sitting here. I can use them to grab hold of those gay ass fangs and just crack those sons of bitches right off so you're left with a nice, jagged tooth that looks sort of normal instead of a fucking fang. Ok, these aren't really pliers at all but it'll probably work just as well -- it's a stapler. I could see myself getting your fang locked in and prying that sucker off, or maybe I'll accidentally staple your tongue to the side of your mouth. Can you imagine how great he'd sound with his tongue literally stuck to the side of his mouth when he talks? Maybe he'd finally go back to using a robot to talk so we don't have to be tortured by his prepubescent boy voice rambling on about sticking his fangs into Zak Misery's penis to cure vampirism.

Seriously, Nova, how is sucking Zak's dick going to cure your disease? I honestly can't believe you came to that conclusion and made us all watch.

I toss my stapler back onto my desk and I grab a piece of paper. I fold it up into the most basic paper airplane possible and I send it sailing across the living room, right out of the open window. I look at the camera and I know you're all just waiting for me to somehow compare this to a Mr. Supernova blunder but I really just felt like making a paper airplane. Kind of like how Supernova sometimes just really wants to suck a dick even though it doesn't really make sense to do.

I really don't know what the fuck else to say here. Do you guys really need to be here filming me right now? I'd like to go back to paying my bills before heading out to Madness at the Tampa Bay Times Forum.

I start leading you out the door and we head over to the nearby beach which I am appropriately dressed for.

It's 82° this afternoon so I figure I might as well get in a very brief swim before I go back to my bills. This will also give me an opportunity to hopefully lose the cameras so I don't have to be bothered by you idiots.

I'm doing some swimming not too far from the shore and I feel my phone start to vibrate in my speedo so I swim back onto land and answer it.

The news is not good.

Fuck.

(looks like I've got Mr. Supernova beat on technology, too)

I'm very sorry to hear that, sir.

This is not a moment to fuck around. I can't really say what is being talked about or who I'm speaking to so I'll just start walking away from the camera as I continue my phone call. Hopefully you'll take a hint and get lost.

Yes, I can be there tomorrow. I have something I need to take care of tonight but I will be on the first flight out there tomorrow morning. I'll get your situation fixed right up; you can count on it.

Things are about to get a little hairy after today, and I'm not talking about my sexy legs either.

[---a clear shot of Sid walking away; stop looking at his ass---]

Sid Feder