12-30-2013, 01:44 PM
“Tony Stecchino, sounds Yiddish. You a Jew Tony?”
“This fucking guy.”
Out of nowhere the Fat Italian previously standing behind Tony pounces on Theo like a Lion stalking his prey and delivers a vicious punch to Theo’s right eye, almost instantaneously causing it to swell up.
CRACK!!
“That tickled.”
“I assure you Lorenzo here is capable of much more than a tickle if you’d like him to demonstrate.”
Tony Stecchino looks every bit the stereotypical Italian American “gangster”. A black jump suit with a white shirt underneath, a gold Italian Horn necklace dangles prominently from the man’s rather large neck and of course, no Italian American could call himself a “gangster” without the cliché pinky ring. Yes, this Tony, whoever he was certainly dressed the part.
“Tell me Mr. Irons, do we look like jerk offs to you?”
“Well yes as a matter of fact, but probably not for the reasons you are thinking I think.”
CRACK!!!
And again Lorezno the Lion springs into action like the good soldier boy and cracks Theo across the face, same exact spot, this time causing his already swelled area around his right eye to crack and allowed the pooled up blood to start trickling down his face. As bad as it looked it actually made the swelling hurt a little bit less.
“You don’t know when to quit do you?”
“I didn’t know we were playing a game.”
“You might be, me, I’m through playing games you fucking fanook.”
“Fawhat?”
“Fanook.
. Cock sucker. Homo. .”
“You said that one already.”
Third time wasn’t a charm, before Lorenzo could connect again Tony held up his hand signaling for the man to stop and of course Lorenzo complied with the guy who was obviously his boss.
“You said your name was Tony is that right?”
“It is.”
“Well Tony, if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a question do you?
“Be my guest.”
“Who exactly do you think I am?”
“Is this supposed to be a joke? You tryin to get clipped.”
“Wait clipped, I know this one….um….clipped…oh right, killed. No, I’d rather not get killed, or clipped, or whacked. And no, I don’t want to sleep with the fishes. I simply want you to tell me who you think I am because I’m pretty sure you and I have differing opinions on that.”
“Madoon, this guy, this fucking guy. Lorenzo, did you whack him over the head on the way here?”
“Wasn’t me skipper, it was Paulie.”
“Some fucking friend you are.”
CRACK!!!
As if acting simply on impulse like the true Neanderthal he is, Lorenzo cracks Theo once again, this time directly in the nose and yet again, more blood.
“Sorry boss, it couldn’t be helped.”
Tony nods in agreement and grabs a handkerchief from his pocket and uses it to lightly soak up the sweat that was beginning to build up on the man’s shimmering forehead.
“Well to answer your question, your name is Christopher Irons. And you owe me some money and you are here because you are way past due.”
“I see. May I ask a follow up question?”
“Please.”
“Did either of your goomba’s happen to check my wallet for Identification? You know, the one located in my back right pocket? By the way, do you like how I used your own slang? I watched the Sopranos, loved that show. That Paulie Walnuts, cracks me the fuck up”
“I’m sure they did.”
“Sorry Tony but I have to disagree with you there. One last question, I promise. Which do you think is more likely? That your two associates over there checked my ID and somehow managed to think that the name Theodore Pryce looks like Christopher Irons? Or, perhaps they never checked my ID to begin?”
“Who the fuck is Theodore Pryce?”
“I am.”
“You’re Christopher Irons.”
“What is this Abbott and Costello?"
“Who the fuck is Abbott and Costello? They friends of yours?”
“Not so much."
“For the last fucking time, you’re Christopher Irons.”
Pretty sure I’m not. In fact, why don’t you have one of your guys pull out their cell phone and Google the name Theodore Pryce and see what picture comes up. I assume you guys have cell phones? Or is that a no no so that the FBI can’t track you? I can certainly understand that. I’ve seen Goodfella’s too. One of my favorite movies of all time . Ditto for Godfather 1 and 2. People shit all over part 3 but I think it has it’s positive qualities. Casino, A Bronx Tale, all American Classics.
“Anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?”
“Yes. But regardless, is someone going to Google the name? Or perhaps check my back right pocket? Your choice. I’ll wait.”
“How about we do both wiseguy?”
“Wait, I got my stripes already? I thought I had to do that whole finger prick thing and then hold a burning Saint’s card in my hand? Or is that not how you guys do it? I can never tell what’s real and what Hollywood made up.”
Instead of a crack to the face Lorenzo uses his giant boot to tip Theo over in his chair, the result has Theo laying on his left hand side, his back right pocket exposed. Lorenzo then reaches in and grabs Theo’s black leather wallet and hands it right off to Tony. Tony opens it up, glances inside and then throws the wallet on the ground.
“Ma fongool. Paulie, what does your phone say?”
Paulie holds the phone up to equal with Tony’s eye level, the burly man takes one look and then slaps the phone out of his hand.
“First unfucking tie him, then find me the asshole that swore to me this was Christopher Irons.”
Lorenzo kneels down and begins the task of untying Theo at the feet, hands and waist while Paulie exits the room, presumably in search of the person who will be taking Theo’s place in the white metal lawn chair. After a few seconds Theo is free from the chair and patting his face to assess the amount of blood coming from his busted up right eye.
“And my shoes?”
Lorenzo walks over to a small red used milk crate and pulls out Theo’s black shoes and socks and hands them to Theo, a look of clear disgust encompassing his face.
Unsure of what to do next Theo bends down, puts on his socks and shoes and then looks around the room to assess the situation. At this point, with Paulie now off to destinations unknown there remains three people in the room, Theo, Lorenzo and Tony. The options of how to proceed start rattling around Theo’s brain in rapid success. Clearly Tony is the boss, which means he can’t be attacked first, he does that and Lorenzo will surely take Theo out with the gun that he is obviously carrying. So that brings us to option 2. Take out Lorenzo fast enough that the shock of it will cause Tony to hestitate long enough for Theo to get the upper hand. Or, option 3, do nothing drastic and instead try and strike up a conversation with Tony. After all he did just let Theo lose after the revelation that he wasn’t in fact Christopher Irons, clearly Tony is a reasonable man.
Eeny
Meeny
Miny
Mo
Option Three it is.
“Tony I understand how you probably feel right now, I run a business just like you, I have hundreds of idiots working for me. So I know that feeling where you just want to reach out and punch someone’s face until it’s a puddle of bone and muscle.”
“Good to know. Now get the fuck out of here.”
“Actually I think I’ll stay.”
“You got a fucking death wish or something?”
“Or something. Look, despite our inauspicious first impression I think you and I should do business together.”
“Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what you are saying right now? You want to do business with me? Do you know what kind of business I do?”
“Like I said, I watched The Sopranos, I got a pretty good idea. “
“There you go with that Sopranos bullshit. Not every Italian American loved that Hollywood garbage. A fucking crew from New Jersey, give me a fucking break.”
“Tony, I am going to assume that since you had no idea who I really was a few minutes ago that you still don’t. Allow me to enlighten you. My name you know but what I do, you don't, I run a company called Pryce Industries, in a nutshell, we arm the world. Guns, Missiles, Rockets, Tanks, you want an army? I can get one of those too.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“And how pray tell can you help me, or even more to the point, why would you want to?”
“Well you see I got an associate, among his many skills and job’s is gun running. I assume you guys are often in the need of untraceable, guns? And I don’t just mean you, I mean you and the other families in New York.”
“Oh listen to you, five families.”
“Look, I’m aware that I’m not part of your thing but let’s not pretend like it’s some big organization veiled in mystery like the Illuminati. Let me ask you a question, you’re a business man, wouldn’t it be both smarter and probably cheaper if your organization, and I don’t just mean New York but other big cities if they dealt with one supplier? And you know what, expand that to drugs. The associate I mentioned, he has connections in the drug game. And as someone who has a nose for the good stuff, I can assure you, his connect has only the best. And it’s not just one connect. He can get stuff all over the world.”
“No shit?”
“No shit. Tell you what. How about you talk to your people, gauge their interest and if they want to hear more we can set up a meeting and I’ll let my associate give you the details of how he runs things. You can pick the location or I can host. I have offices throughout the all over the world, offices where the Governments only gets in if they have an appointment, which they often do, because let’s not bullshit each other, they need weapons to.”
“Wait, he runs things I thought he worked for you?”
“He does but he was running guns long before I got involved, why reinvent the wheel, you know? Trust me Tony, I only work with the best.”
"Theodore…”
“Theo, call me Theo.”
“Alright, Theo. How will I get a hold of you?”
“How about you and that big oaf over there take me back to where you found me and I’ll explain it on the way.”
“You heard the man.”
To be concluded...in about a week.
“This fucking guy.”
Out of nowhere the Fat Italian previously standing behind Tony pounces on Theo like a Lion stalking his prey and delivers a vicious punch to Theo’s right eye, almost instantaneously causing it to swell up.
CRACK!!
“That tickled.”
“I assure you Lorenzo here is capable of much more than a tickle if you’d like him to demonstrate.”
Tony Stecchino looks every bit the stereotypical Italian American “gangster”. A black jump suit with a white shirt underneath, a gold Italian Horn necklace dangles prominently from the man’s rather large neck and of course, no Italian American could call himself a “gangster” without the cliché pinky ring. Yes, this Tony, whoever he was certainly dressed the part.
“Tell me Mr. Irons, do we look like jerk offs to you?”
“Well yes as a matter of fact, but probably not for the reasons you are thinking I think.”
CRACK!!!
And again Lorezno the Lion springs into action like the good soldier boy and cracks Theo across the face, same exact spot, this time causing his already swelled area around his right eye to crack and allowed the pooled up blood to start trickling down his face. As bad as it looked it actually made the swelling hurt a little bit less.
“You don’t know when to quit do you?”
“I didn’t know we were playing a game.”
“You might be, me, I’m through playing games you fucking fanook.”
“Fawhat?”
“Fanook.
. Cock sucker. Homo. .”“You said that one already.”
Third time wasn’t a charm, before Lorenzo could connect again Tony held up his hand signaling for the man to stop and of course Lorenzo complied with the guy who was obviously his boss.
“You said your name was Tony is that right?”
“It is.”
“Well Tony, if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a question do you?
“Be my guest.”
“Who exactly do you think I am?”
“Is this supposed to be a joke? You tryin to get clipped.”
“Wait clipped, I know this one….um….clipped…oh right, killed. No, I’d rather not get killed, or clipped, or whacked. And no, I don’t want to sleep with the fishes. I simply want you to tell me who you think I am because I’m pretty sure you and I have differing opinions on that.”
“Madoon, this guy, this fucking guy. Lorenzo, did you whack him over the head on the way here?”
“Wasn’t me skipper, it was Paulie.”
“Some fucking friend you are.”
CRACK!!!
As if acting simply on impulse like the true Neanderthal he is, Lorenzo cracks Theo once again, this time directly in the nose and yet again, more blood.
“Sorry boss, it couldn’t be helped.”
Tony nods in agreement and grabs a handkerchief from his pocket and uses it to lightly soak up the sweat that was beginning to build up on the man’s shimmering forehead.
“Well to answer your question, your name is Christopher Irons. And you owe me some money and you are here because you are way past due.”
“I see. May I ask a follow up question?”
“Please.”
“Did either of your goomba’s happen to check my wallet for Identification? You know, the one located in my back right pocket? By the way, do you like how I used your own slang? I watched the Sopranos, loved that show. That Paulie Walnuts, cracks me the fuck up”
“I’m sure they did.”
“Sorry Tony but I have to disagree with you there. One last question, I promise. Which do you think is more likely? That your two associates over there checked my ID and somehow managed to think that the name Theodore Pryce looks like Christopher Irons? Or, perhaps they never checked my ID to begin?”
“Who the fuck is Theodore Pryce?”
“I am.”
“You’re Christopher Irons.”
“What is this Abbott and Costello?"
“Who the fuck is Abbott and Costello? They friends of yours?”
“Not so much."
“For the last fucking time, you’re Christopher Irons.”
Pretty sure I’m not. In fact, why don’t you have one of your guys pull out their cell phone and Google the name Theodore Pryce and see what picture comes up. I assume you guys have cell phones? Or is that a no no so that the FBI can’t track you? I can certainly understand that. I’ve seen Goodfella’s too. One of my favorite movies of all time . Ditto for Godfather 1 and 2. People shit all over part 3 but I think it has it’s positive qualities. Casino, A Bronx Tale, all American Classics.
“Anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?”
“Yes. But regardless, is someone going to Google the name? Or perhaps check my back right pocket? Your choice. I’ll wait.”
“How about we do both wiseguy?”
“Wait, I got my stripes already? I thought I had to do that whole finger prick thing and then hold a burning Saint’s card in my hand? Or is that not how you guys do it? I can never tell what’s real and what Hollywood made up.”
Instead of a crack to the face Lorenzo uses his giant boot to tip Theo over in his chair, the result has Theo laying on his left hand side, his back right pocket exposed. Lorenzo then reaches in and grabs Theo’s black leather wallet and hands it right off to Tony. Tony opens it up, glances inside and then throws the wallet on the ground.
“Ma fongool. Paulie, what does your phone say?”
Paulie holds the phone up to equal with Tony’s eye level, the burly man takes one look and then slaps the phone out of his hand.
“First unfucking tie him, then find me the asshole that swore to me this was Christopher Irons.”
Lorenzo kneels down and begins the task of untying Theo at the feet, hands and waist while Paulie exits the room, presumably in search of the person who will be taking Theo’s place in the white metal lawn chair. After a few seconds Theo is free from the chair and patting his face to assess the amount of blood coming from his busted up right eye.
“And my shoes?”
Lorenzo walks over to a small red used milk crate and pulls out Theo’s black shoes and socks and hands them to Theo, a look of clear disgust encompassing his face.
Unsure of what to do next Theo bends down, puts on his socks and shoes and then looks around the room to assess the situation. At this point, with Paulie now off to destinations unknown there remains three people in the room, Theo, Lorenzo and Tony. The options of how to proceed start rattling around Theo’s brain in rapid success. Clearly Tony is the boss, which means he can’t be attacked first, he does that and Lorenzo will surely take Theo out with the gun that he is obviously carrying. So that brings us to option 2. Take out Lorenzo fast enough that the shock of it will cause Tony to hestitate long enough for Theo to get the upper hand. Or, option 3, do nothing drastic and instead try and strike up a conversation with Tony. After all he did just let Theo lose after the revelation that he wasn’t in fact Christopher Irons, clearly Tony is a reasonable man.
Eeny
Meeny
Miny
Mo
Option Three it is.
“Tony I understand how you probably feel right now, I run a business just like you, I have hundreds of idiots working for me. So I know that feeling where you just want to reach out and punch someone’s face until it’s a puddle of bone and muscle.”
“Good to know. Now get the fuck out of here.”
“Actually I think I’ll stay.”
“You got a fucking death wish or something?”
“Or something. Look, despite our inauspicious first impression I think you and I should do business together.”
“Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what you are saying right now? You want to do business with me? Do you know what kind of business I do?”
“Like I said, I watched The Sopranos, I got a pretty good idea. “
“There you go with that Sopranos bullshit. Not every Italian American loved that Hollywood garbage. A fucking crew from New Jersey, give me a fucking break.”
“Tony, I am going to assume that since you had no idea who I really was a few minutes ago that you still don’t. Allow me to enlighten you. My name you know but what I do, you don't, I run a company called Pryce Industries, in a nutshell, we arm the world. Guns, Missiles, Rockets, Tanks, you want an army? I can get one of those too.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“And how pray tell can you help me, or even more to the point, why would you want to?”
“Well you see I got an associate, among his many skills and job’s is gun running. I assume you guys are often in the need of untraceable, guns? And I don’t just mean you, I mean you and the other families in New York.”
“Oh listen to you, five families.”
“Look, I’m aware that I’m not part of your thing but let’s not pretend like it’s some big organization veiled in mystery like the Illuminati. Let me ask you a question, you’re a business man, wouldn’t it be both smarter and probably cheaper if your organization, and I don’t just mean New York but other big cities if they dealt with one supplier? And you know what, expand that to drugs. The associate I mentioned, he has connections in the drug game. And as someone who has a nose for the good stuff, I can assure you, his connect has only the best. And it’s not just one connect. He can get stuff all over the world.”
“No shit?”
“No shit. Tell you what. How about you talk to your people, gauge their interest and if they want to hear more we can set up a meeting and I’ll let my associate give you the details of how he runs things. You can pick the location or I can host. I have offices throughout the all over the world, offices where the Governments only gets in if they have an appointment, which they often do, because let’s not bullshit each other, they need weapons to.”
“Wait, he runs things I thought he worked for you?”
“He does but he was running guns long before I got involved, why reinvent the wheel, you know? Trust me Tony, I only work with the best.”
"Theodore…”
“Theo, call me Theo.”
“Alright, Theo. How will I get a hold of you?”
“How about you and that big oaf over there take me back to where you found me and I’ll explain it on the way.”
“You heard the man.”
To be concluded...in about a week.