10-31-2013, 07:13 PM
The sun peers into the bedroom of Luca Arzegotti's rundown Los Angeles apartment. Surely, this will be a wonderful day, full of birds chirping, bees buzzing, and overall positivity, right?
Oh wait, this is Luca Arzegotti we're talking about.
Feeling the sun's rays beat down on his squinting eyes, he takes the pillow he was previously resting his head on and covers his eyes with it, fidgeting ever so slightly in the bed. All of a sudden, he feels a pair of hands wrap around his neck.
"I love you," a woman's voice begins, sighing softly. Turning around, Luca comes face to face with who he's sharing the bed with and places his hand between her breasts and shoving forward, knocking her onto the ground, and causing her to land with a gasp.
"Feeling ain't mutual, bitch! Get the fuck out."
Visibly agitated; the woman scours the ground for her clothes, throwing them on before storming out of the apartment. As the door slams shut, Luca can't help but let out a hysterical laugh. Reaching his hand off the bed, his palm hits the screen of his cell phone, the only thing stopping his hand from hitting the ground. Gripping the device, he pulls it up to him, powering it on almost solely to check the time.
10:23 AM.
"Fuck," Luca mutters, turning onto his his side and tossing the blankets from his body, before getting out of bed entirely. Looking down at the ground, he notices the mouth of a forty ounce bottle of some alcohol poking out from a brown paper bag. Without thinking, he picks it up by the neck, hearing the sloshing sound that indicates liquid very much still in there. Placing the mouth to his lips, he takes a swig from the bottle until no more liquid enters his mouth. In one gulp, he swallows it all, coughing, and tossing the bag/bottle combination onto the ground.
The glass bottle cracks on impact, but doesn't shatter.
"Huh," he continues speaking to no one, picking up the phone from the mattress and walking into the living room, stark raving naked. Strolling into the kitchen, he dials a number on the phone, waiting for the receiver of the call to pick up. No such luck, as the call went right to voicemail.
"God fuckin' dammit..."
Reaching up atop the refrigerator, he grabs one of the boxes of cereal he kept there. Deciding he wanted his breakfast to be as bland as a Steve Davids promo, he chose the box of Cheerios that hadn't been opened yet. After opening the box and corresponding bag, he grabs a bowl from one of the cupboards and lays it on the kitchen's counter. As the narrator, I wish I could make getting cereal interesting, but like being Peter Gilmour's nutritionist, there are some things that are, in fact, impossible.
It wasn't until he had sat down, and started eating his morning does of Steve Davids, that his call was finally returned. Bite in mouth, he pressed accept and held the phone to his ear, chewing loudly into the receiver.
"What the fuck, did you want, Luca?" Nova's voice seemed more agitated with his frienemy than usual. Swallowing the bite with an audible gulp, Luca chuckled before greeting the hostility, with a response that would just create more hostility.
"What's with the attitude; were you the bottom last night?"
In fact, there was no added hostility. Just an awkward silence of awkward awkwardness.
"You don't actually want to-" Nova began, a slight hint of a chuckle manifesting in the speaker of Luca's phone.
"Not in the slightest!" Luca almost spat out his mouthful of Steve Davids in a rush to interrupt the space man. "Anyway; I know what the fuck we're doing today, Nova." Sliding down in the chair, balls flopping about everywhere due to a lack of chair cushion to stop them, Luca smiles and shoves another spoonful of Steve Davids into his mouth.
"Oh, great. Another one of your ideas..." You could positively feel the grimace over the phone, yet another thing that served to brighten Luca's mood. Pushing the chair back, Luca stands up. While walking into the kitchen to get sugar to make this Steve Davids a bit more tasteful, he continues the conversation.
"I had a feeling you would say something like that." Finally getting to his sugar bowl, his eyes are caught be a similar in appearance substance that he stored in a sandwich baggie sitting next to the bowl. A brief moment of poorly thought out thinking ensues, and he grabs the baggie before heading back to his bowl.
"Yeah, well maybe some of us don't like having to go to Cambodia to deal with some psychopath's requests." Returning back to his seat, Luca dumps the contents of the baggie into the bowl, mixing that shit up well before responding to the spaceman on the other end.
"Hey man; Quiznos was your idea!" Taking a heaping spoonful, he shovels the cocaine laced Steve Davids into his mouth, swallowing it and instantly getting a kick. Yeah, this is how you do breakfast, pussies.
"No, it wasn't!"
A moment of surprisingly clear thinking from the man who just drugged his breakfast cereal follows.
"Oh shit, you're right!"
"You're real attentive; aren't you?"
"This idea is much better, trust me," Luca said, before taking another bite of his spiked Steve Davids (who might've evolved into like a Tony Santos. Intoxicated rambling now, not as bland). Nova can be heard audibly sighing, knowing that he was about to regret asking the next question.
"What, is your idea, Luca?"
"We're getting some Halloween costumes, spacenigga."
"I really don't see how that's a- wait a second, did you just say space?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I? You are from space..."
"But, but but, but-"
"Wow, you really think I'm stupid, don't you? I would never-"
"You tell me that space doesn't exist everyday!"
"And now, I want you to do something, so I'm calling you my spacenigga, spacenigga."
"You're a terrible human being."
"So, that's a yes, right?" Once again, Nova sighs audibly.
"I'll be at your apartment soon."
Click. Nova hung up the phone, and Luca lays his on the table. Finishing his cereal, he stands up and takes the bowl to the sink, his shaky hands almost dropping the bowl three times on the way. Finally getting the bowl in the sink, he turns around to see...
"What the fuck, Luca?"
He was standing face to face with Mr. Supernova, still devoid of clothing.
"Eyes up here, spaceman."