06-24-2020, 10:23 AM
My wife was shocked when I came home with Bobbi London's Internet Championship strapped around my waist.
"I didn't even know you were competing for a belt tonight!" she exclaimed, seemingly proud of me(for once).
"I wasn't," I replied, searching the cabinets for a post-beatdown snack. "But you bet your ass I will be, now!"
I turned around, my hands filled with Twinkies, only to be met with a concerned look from Krystal. "What did you do?" she asked with skepticism.
"Nothing!" I insisted, opening a wrapper and taking a big bite of creamy, yellow goodness. "I simply took what was mine."
Krystal raised an eyebrow. "That sounds like an excuse someone in the wrong would make for stealing........."
"Well, maybe you should've married Bobbi London, then!" I joked, downing the other half of my Twinky.
Krystal's eyes shifted. "Is he hot?"
"No," I huffed, bits and pieces of my snack spraying out of my mouth as I spoke. "She isn't, ESPECIALLY after that shot with the bowling ball."
My wife blankly stared at me. "You stole a woman's Championship???"
"Well, let's be clear, it's not JUST a woman's Championship.........."
"Has a man ever held it?"
".................not yet."
"Now that you mention it, that belt DOES look awfully girly.........."
I didn't respond, but rather, open another Twinky and shove the whole thing in my mouth. Krystal looked about as proud of me for it as she was over the fact I'd beaten up yet ANOTHER woman. She'd get over it eventually, though, afterall, my actions put bread on the table, as well as weed in the pipe. Sure, some of the things I did might be considered questionable, at best, but it was only to ensure a better position for me and my family.
"Are you gonna fight her?" Krystal eventually asked. "Or do you just plan on running around with a Championship you never won?"
"Oh, I'm fightin' her!" I declared. "I have a loss that needs to be avenged!"
"You fought her before?" Krystal asked, revealing just how little attention she actually pays to my career. "And you LOST???" My wife's tone quickly changed. "Do you need some tampons or something?"
"Ha, ha," I joke laughed. "I'll have you know, Bobbi London is bigger than ME! Not to mention, the only reason she won was because Ned knocked her out, causing her to land PERFECTLY in position to score the pinfall."
"Sounds to me like you should be mad at Ned," Krystal replied with a shrug. "It also sounds like you couldn't even beat her WITH HELP, so how the hell are you gonna do it WITHOUT Ned?"
I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck. "Well, like you said, Ned wasn't really much help in the first place."
"Guess you're even for letting him down in your Tag Team match."
Ouch. That burn hurt, especially coming from someone who barely knew what happened. She'd fit right in on Twitter, roasting me over an open fire with Sarah, Atara, and Bobbi like she was one of the girls.
"I have a gameplan," I insisted, not only trying to convince her, but myself as well, that I could pull it off. "It's already in effect."
Oh? Do tell."
"Whether she'll admit it or not, I'm already in Bobbi's head," I explained, feeling like The Lawnmower Man. "What good is a Champion without their Title? How can she FEEL like a Champion if she doesn't have her ChampionSHIP?! Right now, she's probably sweatin' in her boots wondering if tonight was the last time she'd ever see her precious belt again. That alone gives me the advantage."
I took a step forward and passionately grabbed Krystal by the waist, pulling her in close. "Add in the fact I've learned from my mistakes, and it's gonna be Thad Duke all over again."
"Who's that?" Krystal asked about the man I won my first TV Title from.
"Oh, just some twink," I said, planting a gigantic kiss on my wife's lips. "And that ain't no story, it's the Cold, Big D Truth!"
Krystal put her hand around the back of my head and pulled me in close. "I love you," she whispered, gently, in my ear. "But if you ever say your stupid catchphrase to be again, I might HAVE to run off and marry Bobbi London."
Krystal pulled away, a sly smile on her face. We were both silent for a moment, before eventually bursting out with laughter.
It was nice to enjoy life for a moment. With everything going on in the world, as well as my life, being able to stop and smell the roses was a much needed change of pace. Hopefully it was a sign of things to come, a preview of what COULD BE once I officially become XWF Internet Champion..........
"I didn't even know you were competing for a belt tonight!" she exclaimed, seemingly proud of me(for once).
"I wasn't," I replied, searching the cabinets for a post-beatdown snack. "But you bet your ass I will be, now!"
I turned around, my hands filled with Twinkies, only to be met with a concerned look from Krystal. "What did you do?" she asked with skepticism.
"Nothing!" I insisted, opening a wrapper and taking a big bite of creamy, yellow goodness. "I simply took what was mine."
Krystal raised an eyebrow. "That sounds like an excuse someone in the wrong would make for stealing........."
"Well, maybe you should've married Bobbi London, then!" I joked, downing the other half of my Twinky.
Krystal's eyes shifted. "Is he hot?"
"No," I huffed, bits and pieces of my snack spraying out of my mouth as I spoke. "She isn't, ESPECIALLY after that shot with the bowling ball."
My wife blankly stared at me. "You stole a woman's Championship???"
"Well, let's be clear, it's not JUST a woman's Championship.........."
"Has a man ever held it?"
".................not yet."
"Now that you mention it, that belt DOES look awfully girly.........."
I didn't respond, but rather, open another Twinky and shove the whole thing in my mouth. Krystal looked about as proud of me for it as she was over the fact I'd beaten up yet ANOTHER woman. She'd get over it eventually, though, afterall, my actions put bread on the table, as well as weed in the pipe. Sure, some of the things I did might be considered questionable, at best, but it was only to ensure a better position for me and my family.
"Are you gonna fight her?" Krystal eventually asked. "Or do you just plan on running around with a Championship you never won?"
"Oh, I'm fightin' her!" I declared. "I have a loss that needs to be avenged!"
"You fought her before?" Krystal asked, revealing just how little attention she actually pays to my career. "And you LOST???" My wife's tone quickly changed. "Do you need some tampons or something?"
"Ha, ha," I joke laughed. "I'll have you know, Bobbi London is bigger than ME! Not to mention, the only reason she won was because Ned knocked her out, causing her to land PERFECTLY in position to score the pinfall."
"Sounds to me like you should be mad at Ned," Krystal replied with a shrug. "It also sounds like you couldn't even beat her WITH HELP, so how the hell are you gonna do it WITHOUT Ned?"
I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck. "Well, like you said, Ned wasn't really much help in the first place."
"Guess you're even for letting him down in your Tag Team match."
Ouch. That burn hurt, especially coming from someone who barely knew what happened. She'd fit right in on Twitter, roasting me over an open fire with Sarah, Atara, and Bobbi like she was one of the girls.
"I have a gameplan," I insisted, not only trying to convince her, but myself as well, that I could pull it off. "It's already in effect."
Oh? Do tell."
"Whether she'll admit it or not, I'm already in Bobbi's head," I explained, feeling like The Lawnmower Man. "What good is a Champion without their Title? How can she FEEL like a Champion if she doesn't have her ChampionSHIP?! Right now, she's probably sweatin' in her boots wondering if tonight was the last time she'd ever see her precious belt again. That alone gives me the advantage."
I took a step forward and passionately grabbed Krystal by the waist, pulling her in close. "Add in the fact I've learned from my mistakes, and it's gonna be Thad Duke all over again."
"Who's that?" Krystal asked about the man I won my first TV Title from.
"Oh, just some twink," I said, planting a gigantic kiss on my wife's lips. "And that ain't no story, it's the Cold, Big D Truth!"
Krystal put her hand around the back of my head and pulled me in close. "I love you," she whispered, gently, in my ear. "But if you ever say your stupid catchphrase to be again, I might HAVE to run off and marry Bobbi London."
Krystal pulled away, a sly smile on her face. We were both silent for a moment, before eventually bursting out with laughter.
It was nice to enjoy life for a moment. With everything going on in the world, as well as my life, being able to stop and smell the roses was a much needed change of pace. Hopefully it was a sign of things to come, a preview of what COULD BE once I officially become XWF Internet Champion..........