05-31-2015, 06:30 PM
[REC]
Christopher: Damn, dude. It took ya long enough!
[We see Christopher on the roof of a building, chilling out while resting his right elbow on a stone slab with his feet just beside some flowers. Why yes, this is one of the few green roofs that people have access to in New Jersey. We hear heavy breathing coming from behind the camera, supposedly after taking who knows how many flights of stairs in order to get to where Christopher is right now. We can presume that the breathing is coming from his best friend/manager, Dustin Evergreen. Chris is laughing at the poor man's lack of stamina while walking over to him and giving him a celebratory pat on the back.]
Christopher: Hey, don't worry about it. What matters is that you're here and we can start recording this promo.
[In between panting heavily, Dustin asks his buddy something that's important to him.]
Dustin: How...in the hell...did you...beat me?
Christopher: Remember when I got that ten second head start?
Dustin: Yeah...because...you were slower...than me.
Christopher: I used those ten seconds to use the elevator and reach the top floor. That way I only had to climb one flight.
[Understandably pissed, Dustin shoves his friend back, resulting in childlike laughter from the both of them. After a little while, the laughter dies down and the two seem to get back on track with what should really matter.]
Dustin: So, Marek posted another video about you. Well, he should have. most of it was him talking to his friends and occasionally mentioning how he'll kick your ass with the same shit he spewed the last time.
[Chris visibly raises his eyebrow.]
Christopher: You're joking, right?
Dustin: No way. I have the promo loaded up on my phone just to tell you how bad it's gotten.
Christopher: Just load up the trash, will ya dude? I gotta focus on the bits where he's making an idiot of himself.
Dustin: So you want to watch the entire thing then?
Christopher: I meant the parts where he focuses on me, you moron.
[This gets Chris and Dustin chuckling for a few seconds.]
Dustin: Alright, if you want to keep it short, I'll skip to the parts where he talks about you.
[Dustin pulls out his phone from behind the camera and presses play. He then proceeds to scroll through the video feed and manages to get to a part where Marek appears to be talking shit about Christopher.]
Marek Said:"Another thing, Christopher Isles, you like to fight in death matches and weapons matches,"
Christopher: Those matches have names, dude. They're not just called death or weapons matches; they're usually called hardcore matches. But yes, that's what I usually prefer while fighting. Thanks for looking up my roster page, brah. You've pretty much proven any dumbass can look up their likes and dislikes and try to be threatening while doing so.
Dustin: I think he's accusing you of wanting to be like Mick Foley or something.
Christopher: Well that insult fails at the starting gate because Mick Foley is fucking awesome and anyone who says otherwise doesn't know what he tried to do to make wrestling serious. What did he say next?
Dustin: Hang on, dude, I didn't pause it.
[He moves the video back to the original point of time where Marek started talking shit.]
Marek Said:"well let me tell you something. I don't need weapons to beat my opponent."
Christopher: Hey, if you don't use weapons, good for you. I mean no one's pressuring you to use-
Marek Said:"My weapons are my two hands."
[Chris just falls silent as Dustin takes this time to laugh his ass off.]
Dustin: Remember your Scott Steiner joke, dude?
Christopher: I said that last Monday, there's no need to remind me about what I said barely a week ago.
Dustin: Alright, just checking to see if your brain didn't completely give out on ya, brah.
Christopher: 'Preciate it. Well, if you count your hands, nay your entire body as a weapon, I might as well be walking into that ring fighting a ghost. That, and if all of the wrestling officials in the world got together and said that human interaction was like using a fucking weapon, then the wrestling business would be dead. I know you mean that you shot up so many times that your body might as well be made out of steel, but I didn't think the roids would fuck up your mind that much, dude. What did he say next?
Dustin: I gotta skip the part where he repeats himself like a fucking buffoon first.
Christopher: He repeated himself?
Dustin: Yeah, he said that he's more hardcore than you without weapons twice. Fucking dumbass.
[Two seconds pass before he gets to the next part.]
Marek Steiner Said:"There is nothing, and I mean nothing that you can do about it. You better kiss your mother and tell her you love her because she will never see you alive again. You think you can beat me? I don't fear death."
Christopher: When the fuck did I say that I was going to kill you? Are you saying that your heart's going to explode in the middle of the match? You know what you signed up for when you agreed to this match, didn't you? Because if you didn't, then you're just trying to make up bullshit so I can feel guilty and change the stip back to the way you wanted it. No way, brah, you said yes to what I offered. You have absolutely no reason to start bitching about it this close to the show date.
What the hell do you want with my mother anyways, dude? She's drunk half of the time and she's rather violent when intoxicated. You want me to kiss her, you incest fetishest? Fuck that. Her booze ridden breath is yours for the taking if you want to 'rock her world'. I must warn you, though, she likes playing dominatrix. What next?
Dustin: After even more talking about bullshit no one cares about but him? I got to skip to that part.
[It takes a moment or so, but Dustin is able to skip to the next bit about his buddy.]
Marek Said:"You know I don't care who gets in my face and wants to wrestle. I will beat the crap out of them, and Christopher Isles is going to be the next victim."
Christopher: So says the dumbass who took his eyes off the Federweight champion to focus on a man much smaller than him. Seriously, does that really prove how my ass will be kicked tomorrow? Next thing you'll tell me is that you actually believe that throwing me over the top rope will end the match and you'll walk out the winner. Shut the fuck up and read a book, will ya? No, not eat a book; actually turning the cover over and reading what lies inside. If you can't do that, then what hope do you have in beating me?
Marek Said:"He's crazy, he's nuts,"
Christopher: Aren't those two words basically the same thing?
Dustin: I think he saw a container of Planters and thinks that you also have your own brand.
[Silence.]
Dustin: I'm sorry, that was terrible.
Christopher: Now you know why I'm the one in the ring, right?
Dustin: Oh fuck you!
[Chris laughs a little.]
Marek Said:"but I am crazier. I will do anything to defeat him, even put myself in great danger to hit a big move on him."
Christopher: Oh right, you were still here. Well if you think that, let's say, spearing me into a board with barbed wire pretty much stapled on it is considered a big move, let alone that neckbreaker you call your finisher, keep thinking. You might have to use more than those two hands you call your weapons to stop me, and even then that might not work out for ya. You want to know why? I've been wrestling in this kind of match much longer than you have. And I'd be more than happy to show you what I've learned while wrestling inside a trampoline we used to call our ring.
So come on, Marek. Let's get dangerous for the crowd.
Dustin: That seems like a good time to stop recording, right?
Christopher: Turn it off, dude! You just murdered the tension!
Dustin: Sorry dude, just had to as-
[Before we know it, the scene cuts to black.]