X-treme Wrestling Federation

(The scene opens inside of the arena in Toronto where 122 thousand fans are on their feet tearing their vocal chords from chanting Ray Ting's name. Down With The Sickness plays. Ray Tings appears at the top of the stage with his arms pointed outward and his jacket flickering in the dark! A huge pyro explods behind him and a stream of fireworks to the side of him. Four more explosions happen and then confetti mixed with Canadian dollars rains from the ceiling. Ray disappears behind the curtain and instead comes out by zip lining through the rafters! As he makes his descent he points with one finger and screams IT'S RATINGS TIIIIIIIME! He jumps off the zip lines and does three front flips before landing on the turnbuckle with a mic. He says his signature catchphrase.

~RAY TINGS~ FINALLY... I... am... HERE!

(Ray points to the fans and pumps his fists with excitement. )

~RAY TINGS~ And while Grime is off filming some boring promo on BOREFARE in Las Vegas BOREVADA, I am here in Toronto with my Canadian friends! YEEAAAAH! WOO! MAKE SOME NOISE!

(Ray points to the fans and pumps his fists with excitement. )

~RAY TINGS~ Everyone knows that Grime is the biggest ass clown to ever step in the ring here in the eXtreme Wrestling Federation and that is why they sent him to Borefare instead of having him appear right here in Toronto where the ratings are surging through the damn roof! The other reason Grime elected not to show up here in Toronto is because he knows that if he showed up here on Madness that I would kick his teeth down his throat, through his intestines, and out his asshole! And then I would put him in the Ratings Tamer or Ratingsault him through the mat! That is why that ass clown would rather go to Borefare where he knows Ray Tings won't be present to kick his arse! He knows as well as everyone else that I am the greatest wrestler and most sought after superstar in all of sports entertainment! And you know what.

(No Chance in Hell plays and Vince McMahon struts out like he has Titan Towers wedged up his arse hole. What an unexpected surprise here on the Madness preshow.)

~RAY TINGS~ Vince what brings you out here tonight on my show MADNESS?

Vince: Hello Ray! Hello Toronto! Haha it just goes to show you that anything can happen in the Extreme Wrestling Federation!

~RAY TINGS~ Answer my question Vince! I'll send you packing like I did with that ass clown stooge of yours Triple H.

Vince: Goddamnit give me a chance to compose myself! Now yes I did see what you did to my son in law in this very ring. Normally I would be outraged but then again Triple H did a poor job of negotiating you into a WWE contract. I am here to rectify that situation!

~RAY TINGS~ Did you just say that you are here to erectify the situation!? You sick old man!

Vince: No goddamnit, I said RECTIFY!

~RAY TINGS~ Vince McMahon you are dragging the numbers down. Would you please get to the point or SHUT.... THE FUCK... UP!

Vince: I want to offer you the same 7 figure contract. All travel expenses included. The only difference being that you are entitled to half of what we make off of the WWE Network. As you all know, the WWE Network reached 1 million subscribers and is moving well beyond that number in the coming months. You do the math Ray.

~RAY TINGS~ Vince I didn't come out here to do long division with you. I came out here to entertain these thousands of fans! I am friends with Phil Brooks and I wasn't happy when he gave that interview that uncovered the truth about your toxic working environment. I don't want to sign with WWE so that I can spend 9 months of my life toying with the New Day.

Vince: That is a fun group goddamnit! They're so happy when they go out there! Look I've got another perk. I'll pay for your very own private jet and I'll put your face on the cover of hotdog sleeves! Come on I'm running out of perks here damn it! I've got a Wrestlemania in Dallas to book and i need you! You wanna team up with The Rock and Ronda Rousey?!

~RAY TINGS~ Vince I'm afraid that this segment has stooped to an all times ratings low because of you refusing to SHUT... THE FUCK... UP. That's what happens when untalented out of touch, assclowns such as yourself and Grime try to appear during RAY TINGS TIME. The people turn of their television sets and go on youtube to find videos of Ray doing promos minus the assclown that he's having to share ring time with! So in order to win those fans back I'm gonna have to spike the ratings a little bit!

(Ray boots Vince in the stomach and turns him inside out with a double front flip Ratings Destroyer (Canadian Destroyer)! The fans roar like a pack of lions as Ray jumps up to his feet and pumps his fists. Ray takes Vince and gives him a Stone Cold Stunner through a table that's covered in thumbtacks!)

~RAY TINGS~ That's for Phil! Take your contract and stick it up your ass Vinnie!

(The scene fades to black while Ray runs around the ring shaking hands and signing autographs.)