X-treme Wrestling Federation

(The scene opens inside of the arena in Toronto where 115 ecstatic thousand fans are on their feet screaming their lungs out. Cult of Personality plays over the loudspeaker which means that the man has arrived. The numbers grabber, the biggest TV draw on the face of the planet: RAY FUCKING TINGS! Ray stomps onto the stage with a light up hoodie covering his eyes. He lifts the hoodie, cups his hands around his mouth and shouts IIIIIIT'S RATINGS TIIIIME! And throws a haymaker at the air. Ray pumps his fists and runs around the ring a couple of times high fiving his thousands of fans. He grabs the mic and does his trademark phrase.

~RAY TINGS~ FINALLY... I... am... HERE!

(Ray points to the fans and pumps his fists with excitement. )

~RAY TINGS~ And you know something I saw that promo that that Grime did and boy was it a snoozer. I had to set an alarm for every 2 minutes in order to stay awake! This ass clown actually delivered his promo from the inside of an airplane! LAAAAAME! Who gives interviews inside of an airplane especially when you have an arena full of excited fans here in TORONTO! Next we will probably have to watch Scully or Griff do theres inside of a shuttle bus or a horse and buggy, HAHAHAHA! Listen to all of these fans Grime. I know you don't have any and thats why you chose to do your interview from the inside of an airplane because the only people who will actually listen to you are those who are trapped 30,000 feet in the air! HAHAHAHAHAAA! I have thousands of fans in the palm of my hand. You have a flight attendant whos being paid to listen to you and an air bus full of hostages who are bored out of their mind or maybe the pilot is paying YOU to cut that promo in order to put those passengers to sleep. Thats it isn't it? You work for the airport and in order to save money on the cost of pillows that they would normally hand out, instead they have you stand up and deliver promos to the passengers! You are a real hero Grime. If you had been on those planes during 9/11 you could have stopped those terrorists not by fighting but by talking them into a coma! WOOO! YEAH! HAHA! Make some noise babay!

(Ray points to the fans and pumps his fists with excitement.)

~RAY TINGS~ Oh and you are going to Wednesday night Warfare? Or should I say BORRRRREfare! Sounds like a good fit for you ass clown! You will fit right in with the rest of that boring talent over there! Not even the flashing lights and sizzling streets of Vegas will make you or that show entertaining. And another thing.

(Ray gets interrupted by the game Triple H!)

HHH I am the game uhh. I am here uhh. To offer you a contract uhh. Becaue Monday Night Raw needs higher ratings uhh!

~RAY TINGS~ Triple H would you please... shut the FUCK... up!

HHH Be nice uhh. I am the COO of WWE and Vince's right hand man uhh. I have a seven figure contract here ready for you to sign uhh. Your travel and hospitality costs are covered uhh.

~RAY TINGS~ Triple H, I will never EVER work for WWE because I am the best in this world at whatever I do! I saw what you did to my friend Phil Brooks and I won't let it happen to me!

HHH You're not being very fair uhh. Perhaps we can talk about this in private instead of in front of all these screaming idiots uhh.

~RAY TINGS~ Wait a damn minute! Did you just call my guests a bunch of idiots!

HHH Well we are in Toronto uhh.

~RAY TINGS~ Well Triple H or should I say PAUL LEVESQUE! I'm afraid you've dragged this moment down enough already. Our numbers are sinking because of your presence! It's time for a RAY TINGS SPIKE!

(Ray boots Trips in the stomach and gives him a Ratings Detroyer (Canadian Destroyer) Then he goes to the top rope and does the Ray Tings Spike (flying RKO) and then a standing corkscrew shooting star press through a table! )

~RAY TINGS~ Take your 7 figure contract and shove it Paul because I am Extreme Wrestling Federation for LIFE! And on Monday night in this very right I will do the exact same thing to Grime, Griff, and Scully! WOO! YEAAAAH! Mate!

("Voices" by Rev Theory plays as Ray poses on all the turnbuckles with his arms extended, eyes closed and nose pointed to the heavens. He runs around the arena signing autographs as we fade to black.)