04-29-2015, 03:11 PM
Scully is sat at the table in his kitchen, at his home in Miami, Florida. He is home alone. Natalie has met her mother at a restaurant to tell her the news, whilst Alfie stayed out. Skull is staring into space. He is thinking about the recent news that his girlfriend, Natalie is pregnant. Skull isn't exactly intelligent, so he's worried he won't be able to provide his son or daughter with the right guidance they will need in life. Skull is a little dumb and dumber, he struggles in life himself. He has yet to tell anyone that he is going to become a father and it has definetly been weighing on his mind.
A key turns in the lock of the front door as the door swings open. Alfie is home. Alfie firstly check in the living room to see if anyone else is home as he peeks his head round the door but it's empty. He then walks into the kitchen where he see's Scully daydreaming. Skulls eyes don't even move, they're still locked to the wall.
Alfie "Hey Skull. You okay, dude?"
"Yeah."
Alfie "You don't seem it, buddy. You and Natalie having problems?"
"Nah we're fine, ta."
Alfie "What is it then? You can talk to me about anything, mate. You know that."
"I don't know what to do, man."
Alfie "What about?"
"Natalie's pregnant!"
Alfie "Oh shit... I mean congratulations, man."
Alfie grabs two bottles of Budweiser out of the fridge, he takes the caps off using a bottle opener and then sits down next to Skull. He passes Skull a bottle, Skull gulps a large amount in one go before putting the bottle down.
Alfie "You'll be okay, mate. Trust me."
"What if my kid is slow like me?"
Alfie "Then you and Natalie will look out for them. They could be smart like Natalie. She's quite intelligent."
"Why do I have to be so dumb?"
Alfie "I thought you was okay with the way you are?"
"I guess. It's just hard for me. I get things mixed down all the time and it's fackin annoying."
Alfie "Mixed up, Skull."
"See... I'm just an worthless idiot. Natalie deserves better than me. The baby deserves better than me."
Alfie "You're cool. Natalie loves you and your child will too."
"I suppose they could be like Forest Gump's child, right? I mean Forest wasn't exactly skewered on, was he?"
Alfie "Exactly, Forest junior was smart. So I wouldn't worry. Hey, think of this way, you'll have a play mate."
"We could play with my action figures, play X-box together. Play at the park, play football."
Alfie "There you go. If you have a girl though, she might not like wrestling and football. Your boy might not like them either."
"Oh..."
Alfie "Anyway, who are you facing on Madness this week?"
"I'm in a fatal four way match. Something about Nookie?"
Alfie "Nookie? Well, it is the XWF. Let me just look for you."
Alfie gets the net on his phone and goes on to the XWF website. He checks the schedule out the match card. He raises his eyebrows as Skull finishes his alcoholic beverage.
Alfie "Rookie? It says ROOKIE, Skull."
"What's that?"
Alfie "A rookie is a person in his or her first year of a sport, or someone who is new to a profession, training or activity such as a rookie police officer, rookie pilot, a recruit, or occasionally a freshman. Defenitely not you!"
"What da fudge? I was the TXW Heavyweight Champion of the wood, just a few years ago. I'm confused."
Alfie "Don't worry about it. Let me get my camera. Be right back."
Alfie drinks some more of his bottle before getting up from the chair. He runs upstairs to get his camera. A grin appears on Skull's face as thinks more about being a daddy. Alfie comes back into the kitchen and sets up his camera. He then gives Skull the thumbs up to begin.
"Welcome to Scully cam. Home of the Scully Cam. Can I take your order? I can no longer say I am one half of the XWF Tag-Team Champions as Maverick proved to be the worst partner in wrestling history. I am still however, your reigning, defending XWF
Champion of the wood. The other day, Maverick said that me and him were still on good terms. We're not, he cost me my tag-team championships so he can bog off. Mav was as unreliable as they cum, up the bum! I even persuaded Pest to let that title shitting, only good for sandbagging, son of a dick, join the Black Hand.
During the week of our first title defence, just two weeks later after winning the titles, he didn't contact me at all. I tried to call Mav the scav on my walkie talkie but he didn't answer. He cost me my tag-team championship and now he has the nerve to treat the Black Hand? He's having a hiena! Mav, if you're watching, understand this.... I will layeth the dumbadown on your sweetie ass!"
Skull attempts and fails to do the people's eyebrow as he raises both, repeatedly.
"I want to just send a little message to the Backstreet Boys, wherever they are. Me and the Muddog are coming for ya'll. We want the XWF Tag-Team championships back where they belong, in the Black Hand's crutches.
Moving on to what's coming up on Madness, ran by Jerk MacClay.... We have; Gay-Tings verses Grime Time Player verses Sniff A Griff verses The XWF Resident
, Scully in a rookies pants, match?My first question is why is Jerk MacClay nearly as
as me? He must be the most General manager in Xtreme Wrestling Federation history. I am not a rookie, you Mr.Sheen headed, pencil dick! You wouldn't see Matthew Teatree making such dumb matches and you wouldn't see Pauline Heyman putting someone who has been in a company since August in a rookie match with three rejects, would you? I said I would face Grime Time Player in a one on one match. I never said 'Jerk off, I am not a rookie, but please put me a rookie titled match.' Did I? The drama!"Scully takes a deep breath and grabs the bottle of mineral water in front of him. He removes the lid and takes a large swig before continuing.
"I would prefer it if Sean Falcon ran the show every week. At least he knows what he's doing. Last week's show was amazing with him in charge, don't you think? He should have left Jerk MacClay tied up and then blew him up into smithereens. At least then we wouldn’t have a rookie General Manager like Jerk MacClay, making dumbo decisions. I bet it was Jerks amazing idea to give Grime Time Player my number?!
Let's speak about Grime Time Player. First of all, you might respecta me, but I can't say the same for you. You earn respecta, and well you obviously haven't done Joe Shit to deserve any so far apart from be stupid and request a match with me. In fact, you have lost the single ounce of respecta I had for you. You picked you nose but that wasn't my problem. My problem is the fact, you wiped it on a trash can when you could have eaten it. Wasting bogeys, when they're are people in Africa needing food. Disgusting behaviour! You must be feeling suicidal, is it because you smell? You're all Grimey and all. See what I did there?!
Here's a slogan for you to use, 'It's time. It's time. It's Grime time!' Better than vader time, right? Grime still thinks I'm the XWF Tag-Team Champion? Well.. I'm not.. So there."
Scully sticks his tongue out at the camera as he gets a little childish.
"Anyway, Grimey, I don't care about Coco Pops. He took you under his wing? What was he? A bird? It was very nice of you to tell us all about your Rocky Balboa and Micky type story. But it's not going to help you defeat me.
You said something about strengths and weaknesses, blah blah bloo. I didn't understand what you were talking about. Well whatever it was, I'm sure it meant nothing, just like you. You mean absolutely nuttin. To me anyway. You might mean something to your mummy, I don't know. Probably not as you look like you were dragged up!
I know exactly how to get rid off you without even being physical. It's called....."
Scully reaches down beneath the kitchen table and pulls up a bottle of...
He places it on the table as Alfie zooms in on to the bottle for everyone to see.
"Bang and the dirt is gone! The Grime is gone! I bet you're shaking in your sandals now I have Clit Bang.
Next up, we have Gay-Tings, the guy who kills ratings. Luckily I am in this match to solve that tissue. Finally.. You are here? Finally... You admit you're a queer! I cried when I found out you was from England, seriously. Are you sure you're from England? I mean look at you, you put shame on me. I might be a simpleton but you are a loser. You called me an ass clown? I don't even know what that is. I know what an ass is and I know what a clown is. Clown's scare me. But I don't know what an ass clown is. I've heard it before though. Nevermind.
Gay-Tings Spike? Ooh that sounds devastating. I can't wait to see you perform that shirty finisher on Sniff A Griff. Maybe not, I don't think you'll be able to do that crap on Sniff A Griff, Grime Time Player and you won't even get the opportunity to perform that poo move on me!
Did you really use a Y2J slogan but say it wrong? 'Will never EVER be the same... EVER! mate.' Mate? What da fudge? Alright mate.
Did you really perform in front of a bunch of mentally challenged audience in that SOLD OUT match? That's the only reason they enjoyed it, you know that? They like anything, the mentally challenged aren't fussy individuals. I should know, I am
. Not that though to watch that wank. Everyone who seen it in the XWF thought it was the biggest pile of turd they'd ever seen. Me included. High five all your fans? Oh you bringing your mentally challenged friends to Monday Night Nitro? I may know some of them.
Nice little stunt with the fake Triple H. I mean why would he want a talentless, rip off like yourshelf in the WWE? Then the fake Mr. McMahon? I know Mr. McMahon and he wouldn't waste his time on you. These promo's you're cutting are the funniest shit I've ever seen and not because they're funny like mine but because they're the lamest promo's in XWF history. In your next promo, will you be approached by Stephanie McMahon- Helmsley? Probably.
Now moving on to my final opponent in this math, Sniff A Griff....... Well, that's him done with. That was easy peasy, frube squeezy. At Madness I will be in full
mode. 4 life!"