X-treme Wrestling Federation

*Gator and his two cameramen stand in a large lot filled with cars. It's cold, like cold as balls. Everyone is wrapped up nice and warm, Gator wearing his very own seasonal sweater (click here) now available at XWF99.com/merch! Buy it now while stocks last! Gator is smoking, looking at Rodd and Todd, he holds an air horn in his other hand*

"Right you fat disgusting, ugly Canadians, the first thing about being a cameraman is they have to know how to travel. We need something fast but also roomy, with a good boot space. You each have fifteen minutes here at Sal's used cars, first one to find the perfect car for road trips wins! Any questions?"

T: "Can I just get another Camaro?"

"No, we're moving forward Todd."

T: "Aw."

R: "What is your favorite color?"

"RED!"

*Gator blasts the air horn and round one begins!*


*Todd runs left and Rodd runs right, fairly slowly too. Gator strolls behind, following Rodd first. Rodd instantly out of breath runs over to a moderately sized hatchback, red in colour*

R: "Monsieur Gator! How about this one?"

"... A fucking Fiat Panda!? Not only is this car hideous but it's named after a fucking Panda. The natural enemy of the Gator. Find a new one murd for brains!"

*Rodd sighs and runs away to find a more suitable car. Gator strolls over to Todd through and over some cars separating them*

"Todd! What have you found so far?"

T: "Nothing great right now. I know what I'm looking for but I don't know if they have it."

"Well, Sal might not have what you're looking for. So what have you found so far?"

T: "Erm, this one?"

*Todd points at a small, brownish car*

"That's a Gremlin. Todd, you disappoint me. Keep looking."

T: "Urgh."

*Todd rolls his eyes and runs off again. Gator stands on the roof of a Hummer to survey the action, keeping an eye on his watch. Basically a montage plays, Rodd and Todd rushing around this lot of cars trying to find the perfect one as Gator shakes his head at every car and insults them. The montage finishes as Gator looks at his watch*

"One minute to go! ..... I just realised neither one of you is filming this! We may have to rest-"

"We got your back Gator!"

*Gator looks off into the distance*

"Hey! XWF cameramen, shit you guys are good, didn't even notice you. Okay you fucking Canadians, fifty seconds left on the clock!"

*Rodd wobbles out of breath through cars, French nonsense spewing from his mouth. He bends over, trying to catch his breath. Rodd lifts his head and a devilish grin sets on his face. Back to Gator, surveying the car lot*

"Thirty seconds bitches!"

*We go to Todd who is panicking, switching his head between cars as he runs through the space between them. He looks as if he's about to cry until he finds a car covered with a tarp. He lifts the tarp and a golden light shines on his face as he looks like he has seen the face of god*

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!"

*Gator blasts the air horn*

"Time's up! Rodd, we're coming to you first! Wait by your car. Todd, c'mon!"

*Gator hops off the Hummer and Todd jogs over to him, a smile from ear to ear. They begin to walk to where Rodd is standing*

"Why are you so pleased with yourself?"

T: "You'll see."

*Gator raises an eyebrow at Todd and soon enough they get to Rodd, also pleased with himself, panting standing by a luxurious black car*

R: "Voila!"

*Rodd throws his hand to the car he stood next to. Gator seems surprised, Todd chuckles, his expression doesn't change*

R: "Ze Rolls Royce Phantom! Roomy, luxurious, powerful and British!"

"Well maybe the badge is British."

R: "The perfect car, no?"

"The hell is one of these even doing here?"

*Gator inspects the car*

R: "You may award me the winner of round one."

T: "Hold up you tub of guts. Gator needs to see my pick."

"Todd, unless you found a Harrier jump jet, Rodd's winning this thing."

T: "Just wait. C'mon."

*The three begin to walk over to Todd's choice, Gator pats Rodd on the back. After a minute of walking, they get to the car covered with the tarp. Todd stands in front of it, pleased*

"... Go on."

T: "Okay, but first Gator, don't get too excited."

*Todd grabs the tarp and motions to the side of the car, he whips of the tarp exposing-*

"A FUCKING DELOREAN!"

T: "Precisely!"

*Gator falls to his knees in front of the DMC DeLorean, making noises of glee. Rodd looks shocked*

R: "Are you joking? Monsieur Gator, this car is not roomy, nor fast. Also, it's hideous!"

*Todd gasps. Gator hops to his feet and bitch slaps Rodd*

"The DMC DeLorean is one of the greatest vehicles of all time due to it being in one of the greatest movies of all time! Todd! You win round one!"

*Todd fist pumps*




*Gator sits back in a dim room. We see a new side of him here, literally, there's two camera angles that keep switching as Rodd and Todd fight for control. Gator smokes his cigarette and looks straight ahead*

"You guys know about Snake and Ladders? Some of you may know it as Chutes and Ladders."

"Anyway, the board game Snakes and Ladders was created in India forever ago, like seriously. There's evidence of people playing it two thousand years ago. This may be one of the oldest and greatest mechanics in metaphor games out there. The game is all about moral and philosophical choices, and what you may already know, is that the game basically plays itself. The players only need to do two actions, roll the dice and move the piece. No skill involved whatsoever, just roll the dice and embrace your fate. Which is exactly what one of the game's meanings is. This game teaches you to embrace the concept of fate and thus we get a game dictated by the power of dice."

"The game is also a metaphor for the Karmic cycle, do good things, good things happen to you all that jazz. With the final square of the board representing Moksha or Release from Saṃsāra or the cycle of death. To that end, the ladders each represent a virtue to get you to release, while the snakes represent a vice, to cast you down lower in the Karmic chain. In the original Indian game, there were twelve vices but only five virtues. This represented how difficult it would be to pass through the cycle of death to attain release. Most of us try and be good and do good, so we can get rewarded, but this fucking game shows us just how difficult it is. We try to attain knowledge and wisdom only to be dragged down by lust and drunkenness, to name a few."

"Over the years the game adapted to each country and each century. During the Industrial period in England, the vices and virtues were changed, adding more ladders and less snakes and giving them new meanings. Instead of the goal being release from death, the goal became success from poverty or mediocrity. A vice in the Indian game became the goal in this one. Greed. You see the point I'm working to?"

"This simple game that no one gave a second glance to when we played it as children, teaches us everything we need to know in life without throwing it in our faces. This federation, this business we're all in. This is snakes and ladders. We work our way up the ladder while trying to avoid something that would cause or downfall. We all work towards a common goal, to be the best this company has ever seen, while trying to avoid vices like failure, injury, humiliation. To name a few. But, unlike the game, we all have an advantage. There's some luck involved but what determines our outcome is our skill. I've climbed those ladders and I've fallen, but I still work my way up every fucking day. I've proven myself time and time again and I will continue to prove myself time and time again. You three. You're mice on the board playing with a fucking Gator."

"But enough of that shit. I've got some shit to say and a transcript to read through."

*Gator pauses as he looks to his side. He chuckles and looks back at the camera*

"Bobby! You fail to disappoint me, congratulations for making no sense once again. Seriously dude, try and get some English lessons please before opening your dumb trap again. Maybe cutting promos isn't your thing, how about working in a call centre or some shit? Or maybe you could get your good buddies to cut a promo for you. Haha, look at fucking Bobby Zi, hanging out with one of my best friends Vinnie Lane and TJ Wallace who I kinda like. If they were meant to boost you up or some shit, I'm not convinced my friend. Lane seems like he has no patience with you. He doesn't care about you that's for sure, I've known him long enough to see that. TJ, well, TJ at least tried to boost your confidence. Shame he couldn't teach you how to speak, it'll be pretty fucking hilarious to hear your broken ass spew out some South African ghetto babble."

"But hey! You're friends with Knight now too! Must be a perk for you. Knowing you're going to be taken easy on by that dumb bitch right? Haha, shit man. I don't know what to say about you, I don't even know you that much. All I know is that you are just some fucking dumb kid trying to play with the big boys. Oh, and my finisher just winds people? No, my finisher wins matches. Might wanna try it sometime."

"KNIGHT! Ol' buddy, ol' pal. Nice of you to keep my belt warm gotta say. Wanna know why I'm pissed about MacClay stealing my belt? It's not that I was in hospital, I get that, I'm out of action they need a fighting champ. That's not the reason I'm pissed though, the reason is because I was never told about it. Nothing. One day I'm the champ, one day I'm not. I mean fucking c'mon Knight, you know me. Do you honestly think for a second a concussion would stop me from getting out of that hospital bed and defending my belt in that ring? All that prick needed to do was give me a call and I would've been back in the ring and kicking someone's ass. You fucking know that's the truth. So don't come at me like I'm bitching when I have a damn good reason you stupid cunt."

"You weren't the number one contender. Not in my opinion anyway, and as the champ of the belt you were gunning for, I think my opinion is pretty valid. You were not the number one contender, Justin Sane was. In his short time here he has amounted so much more than you, if anyone deserved another shot it was him. You just got the belt because you were a possibility for a contender and MacClay knew he could keep you on a fucking leash."

"You're happy we get to square off again? I'm flattered but I'm not all too thrilled to doing the same old thing with your boring ass again. I mean what is it you do again? Talk nonsense for a bit, call women whores and do a Knightfall that somehow always gets countered. Fuck man, try switching things up a bit. Go for a walk on the beach, clear your head. Give me my fucking belt back and go into early retirement so everyone can be happy that Johnny Heartsford has finally shut the fuck up and left. Let's just go back to the whole, women are whores act that you have. You do realise you sound like a white Swagmire? Anyone ever told you that? Like you see a white woman and you're just all over her calling her a whore, trying to cause a fight. The same way Swaggy is with every black dude that walks through the door. Only difference is, is that Swagmire can somehow seem threatening past all that argyle and Egyptian cotton. You? Well, you know when parents dress up their kids in snazzy suits for a wedding? That's what you remind me off, a child in a nice suit throwing a tantrum because the pretty little girl won't dance with you."

"OOH, you get a bit of an attitude here. What's up Knight? Getting a little tense? Knowing that belt you don't deserve is going to be gone very, very soon. Haha, you know what, I don't give a fuck what you think about me. You honestly don't mean shit to me. We're not friends, I'm just a nice dude when I want to be. I can be a real mother fucker when I want to be too by the way. Yeah, I can be the worst fucking person you've ever met in your goddamn life when I want to be, I'm usually pretty laid back and fun loving. But, if you really want to see the side of me that would rip your legs off and beat you and your entire fucking family to death with those skinny little legs, then just go ahead and keep being a fucking . Makes no goddamn difference to me."

"Luckily though, I don't see any of you as a threat so maybe you won't see that side of me. I'll just continue goofing off and have a hell of a time doing it. Stroll into our match on Monday and walk out the champ, easy peasy. Mastermind... Say something. Or don't. Whatever, won't make any difference. So, I'm done. Fuck you all, suck my dick and have a merry fucking Christmas!"

*The scene fades to black*