09-03-2014, 05:44 AM
~The Bob Murray memoirs~
1971
The crowd roared with applause as I left the stage, as they always did. Cigar in hand, I puffed a couple of times and raise my right hand presidentially, bidding them farewell. As soon as I was out of their sight, I went through the stage door and into the backstage area. Mary from make-up was there, vainly trying to daub me with something. I brushed her aside gently as I always did, believing as I still do that all a man needs after a long day's work in the spotlight is a simple shower.
"Great show, Bob."
It was Peyton Womanning. Weird name right? He was my assistant, and also handled booking the guests for the show. I'd just spent three long hours with Uri Gellar, my favourite bender, and Barbra Streisand. Barbra had enraptured me, and sung live. I hoped she hadn't noticed, but I had to cross my legs to hide a certain member of the audience who'd gotten a bit too into the occasion. This was quite rare, as it goes. You may be surprised to hear that, given the calibre of guests I have had over the years.
Gellar, on the other hand, had bent some spoons for me. Although I knew how this trick was done – if only I could show you with words. He kind of realised that I knew what was going on, but because I never even questioned him, we had a kind of nudge-nudge-wink-wink routine going. It was the seventh time I had brought him on the show, and each time we got a great rating, at least according to Peyton. Who knew benders were so popular? In this day and age as well
We just put a man on the moon two years prior, and here people were watching a massive bender on television. I hoped cable would never catch on.
I drifted into my dressing room, and found it unusually empty. Usually there were assistants at hand, wardrobe, producers, script writer and so on. But this time it was empty. I walked to the corner of my room, setting my cigar in the ash tray, and took off my coat. I admired my handsome features in the mirror, then heard the dressing room door shut. I turned around and I can tell you, my eyes became as big as saucers. Standing before me was Miss Streisand, in a very racy number.
![[Image: 289630.jpg]](http://www.moviemarket.com/library/photos/289/289630.jpg)
We'd just been talking about her separation from Elliot Gould minutes ago, it seemed like, and here she was before me, waiting to be unwrapped. Did I do it, reader?
You bet your sweet ass I did.
~ 03/09/14~
"My press people told me that sharing pages of my recent autobiography 'The Bob Murray Memoirs' would be a help for everyone watching today. Most specifically Alyson Hannigan, who I understand I will be squaring off with on Monday in XWF combat. The point of this page, I am told, was to show what a virile man I am. Alyson, I hope you like the taste of cigars, because I have an Arturo Fuente with your name on it.
Now, business calls, but I will try and check in with the XWF crowd again soon. For now, this is Bob Murray, signing off. And remember, Old is Gold!"
1971
The crowd roared with applause as I left the stage, as they always did. Cigar in hand, I puffed a couple of times and raise my right hand presidentially, bidding them farewell. As soon as I was out of their sight, I went through the stage door and into the backstage area. Mary from make-up was there, vainly trying to daub me with something. I brushed her aside gently as I always did, believing as I still do that all a man needs after a long day's work in the spotlight is a simple shower.
"Great show, Bob."
It was Peyton Womanning. Weird name right? He was my assistant, and also handled booking the guests for the show. I'd just spent three long hours with Uri Gellar, my favourite bender, and Barbra Streisand. Barbra had enraptured me, and sung live. I hoped she hadn't noticed, but I had to cross my legs to hide a certain member of the audience who'd gotten a bit too into the occasion. This was quite rare, as it goes. You may be surprised to hear that, given the calibre of guests I have had over the years.
Gellar, on the other hand, had bent some spoons for me. Although I knew how this trick was done – if only I could show you with words. He kind of realised that I knew what was going on, but because I never even questioned him, we had a kind of nudge-nudge-wink-wink routine going. It was the seventh time I had brought him on the show, and each time we got a great rating, at least according to Peyton. Who knew benders were so popular? In this day and age as well
We just put a man on the moon two years prior, and here people were watching a massive bender on television. I hoped cable would never catch on.
I drifted into my dressing room, and found it unusually empty. Usually there were assistants at hand, wardrobe, producers, script writer and so on. But this time it was empty. I walked to the corner of my room, setting my cigar in the ash tray, and took off my coat. I admired my handsome features in the mirror, then heard the dressing room door shut. I turned around and I can tell you, my eyes became as big as saucers. Standing before me was Miss Streisand, in a very racy number.
We'd just been talking about her separation from Elliot Gould minutes ago, it seemed like, and here she was before me, waiting to be unwrapped. Did I do it, reader?
You bet your sweet ass I did.
~ 03/09/14~
"My press people told me that sharing pages of my recent autobiography 'The Bob Murray Memoirs' would be a help for everyone watching today. Most specifically Alyson Hannigan, who I understand I will be squaring off with on Monday in XWF combat. The point of this page, I am told, was to show what a virile man I am. Alyson, I hope you like the taste of cigars, because I have an Arturo Fuente with your name on it.
Now, business calls, but I will try and check in with the XWF crowd again soon. For now, this is Bob Murray, signing off. And remember, Old is Gold!"