X-treme Wrestling Federation

(("Loverboy" Vinnie Lane has arrived in Columbus, Ohio. Having had a few days to reflect upon his unseemly behavior at the Relentless pay-per-view event in Phoenix the previous weekend, especially against intrepid journalist and friend Steve Sayors, Loverboy has invited the reporter and his camera crew to meet him at the pool area of the Renaissance Hotel downtown, where the new Trios Champion will be staying through Monday night. Sayors tentatively agrees, and he and his team arrive at the hotel at the scheduled time - 6:00 am.))




((Sayors and company walk along the patio of the large swimming area as the sun begins to peek over the horizon, and find that they are alone. Other than a crumpled towel sitting in one of the deck chairs and a half full bottle of Jameson whiskey sitting next the the rim of the deep end, the interview crew seem to be completely on their own.))

Sayors: Well, XWF fans, I'm Steve Sayors and I'm awaiting the arrival of one third of the XWF Trios Tag Team Champions -

((At that moment, "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane suddenly pops up from beneath the surface of the water, gasping a huge gulp of air into his lungs as he claws for the bottle of liquor. As the water pours from his platinum blond hair, Loverboy sucks down a few larynx bobbing gulps of the whiskey before turning towards Sayors and grinning wide.))

Loverboy: Sayors! Dude! Glad you could make it and all, but... I'm TWO thirds of the Trios Champions, baby!

((As if to fully illustrate the point, Loverboy pulls himself from the pool and stands dripping in front of the camera crew with his arms spread out wide, revealing a toned body clad in only a small, pink Speedo swimsuit and two glistening gold belts around his svelte waist. The sodden megastar walks to the lounge chair and grabs his towel, unfurling it to reveal a giant Van Halen logo, and drapes it over his shoulders like a cape as he sits down, placing the bottle between his feet and looking back up at Sayors, motioning for him to sit down in the chair next to him.))

Loverboy: Come on, Stevie, man, get comfortable! I know it's late but I won't keep you long!

((Sayors stutters out a reply as he gets to the chair and sits down rigidly, facing the moist champion.))

Sayors: Vinnie, it's actually really early. Six in the morning.

Loverboy: Early for you, my man, but late for a rock star. Me and the boys got into town yesterday and threw a little shindig up in the suite. And dude, it really was sweet. I'm talking booze, broads... and belts.

((Loverboy jiggles the two title belts up and down in his hands for emphasis, laughing as he does so.))

Sayors: Well, I'm sure the XWF fanbase is thrilled to hear you had a fun time partying with your new friend from Oklahoma! Guinevere, was that her name?

Loverboy: Oh her? Yeah man, she and I had a blast down in the Sooner State, but she stayed there. After Mister "Aerial Knight" Johnny Heartsford showed up at the strip club and tried to punk me out in front of all the girls, I had to leave early because I was so ticked off! Can you believe the nerve of that cat, man?

Sayors: He definitely made a statement, and he's been a bit of a thorn in your side hasn't he?

Loverboy: I'll give the dude credit where credit is due on that one, man. He shook me up sticking his nose in my business down in Oklahoma, and he got me off my game a little bit. I don't mind a little healthy gamesmanship between rivals, man, but then when he ruined my time with the Heavy Metal Title too? Oh, dude, that really pissed me off. I should have three belts around this awesome waist right now.

Sayors: Well, Loverboy, what is your thought process going into the match this Monday? What sort of strategy do you have?

Loverboy: You know what, Steve? I would normally feel like slapping the piss out of you for asking me what my strategy is going to be on camera, man, but this time? Dude, this time I'm so confident that I'm just gonna lay it out for you and for Sir Lancelot there. It's pretty simple, really, and I bet a ton of his opponents have gone for the same thing - actually, I KNOW they've gone for the same thing, because I've been watching his stuff on YouTube since I found out I'd be facing him last week. Sir Heartsford seems to think he can fly, man. This dude jumps up those turnbuckles with pretty much no hesitation, you know? And he's fast. The thing is though, Steve-O, I'm pretty damn fast too. And when I start knocking his pegs out from under him, it's gonna be real tough for him to run and jump, you know what I mean dude?

Sayors: Target the legs? Ground the Aerial Knight?

Loverboy: Oh trust me, I'm targeting all of him, and I can't wait to plant him head first for the three count, but he's definitely going to have to be on the lookout for his knees and ankles, man. He's gonna be limping around and trying to think of a way to have any kind of offense against a bigger, stronger, better opponent without being able to outrun me or outfly me. And if I catch him in a hold - and I will, man - he ain't going anywhere.

Sayors: I had you pegged as more of a technician and a catch style wrestler than a submissions guy, Loverboy.

Loverboy: See, that's just it, man. Everyone likes to try and marginalize the megastar. They told me I wasn't good enough to go against Enigma, that I wasn't strong enough for Duke - well how did that turn out, dude? I'm not some single minded one trick pony, man. I can adapt. You sound like the rest of 'em, man, you sound like Zoey.

Sayors: Speaking of Zoey Ryback...

Loverboy: Oh, yeah, right, speaking of Zoey Ryback. Everyone's little darling around here, right man? Well you know what? I'll admit it. Zoey's on my mind a little bit too. How could it not be after this weekend, right?

Sayors: Exactly! She did a great job in the match with you and Clean, and then -

Loverboy: And then she got what she had coming to her, Steve! Great job? She did a great job? Doing what? Absorbing punches and kicks from the other team so I didn't have to? Dude, like I said, I've been thinking about her. And actually, now that I think about it again, I have a little bit of a present for her. It came to me last night when I was hooking up with Bobbie.

Sayors: Bobbie?

Loverboy: Don't interrupt, man, it's not important. Hold out your hand, bro, you can bring this to your little girlfriend Zoey yourself.

((Sayors looks nervous, but being the bastion of journalistic integrity that he is, he holds out his hand and waits for Loverboy to hand him whatever it is.))

Loverboy: Good boy, Steve. I knew I liked you.

((Loverboy stands up, dropping the towel back onto the chair and raining down a few droplets of water from his long, wet hair all over Sayors. While Sayors is blinking the water from his eyes, Loverboy pulls the Speedo away from his lower abdominal region and sticks his other hand into the crotch of the swimsuit. Fishing around for a minute with a concentrating look on his face, eventually he gets a hold of it and grins.))

Loverboy: Here you go my man. On the house!

((Loverboy yanks out a long, pink, ribbed and spunk filled used condom from his nether region and slaps it into Steve Sayors' hand. The greasy pouch oozes and gleams in Sayors' palm while the interviewer simply stares with an open mouth and stunned eyes.))

Loverboy: I just wanted to show Zoey Ryback how much I trust her, man! She's a nice little girl, and she is totally allowed to watch my kids for me. Don't you think she'd make a good babysitter? Just like I had to be during Relentless? Yeah, Steve. THAT'S what I think of little Zoey Ryback. You happy now?

((Steve Sayors' lip trembles and he looks like he might cry as his hand shakes and he continues to stare at the spent rubber in his palm.))

Loverboy: Now get on out of here, guys. I'm going back upstairs to get ready for another night as a megastar. And to hook this hotel up with a kick ass Yelp review. See you later, Sayors!

((And with that, "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane walks off toward the hotel door leaving a speechless Steve Sayors sitting on the pation with a handful of grade A baby juice.))