X-treme Wrestling Federation

Katie steps out of the bathroom to find Crack standing there, staring at her. His face in a half smile, looking her up and down. The towel clinging to her body tightly as drops of water hit the floor. She looked a little surprised. He chuckles slightly and tosses her Bear pajamas at her. They hit her and fell to the floor.

"So, you think it's gonna be fun times teasing me because I find you attractive?"

"Nah, I think it's fun to see you get pent up. Maybe while dad's away I'll take care of that for you. But for now, I'm going to go in my room and masturbate. I did it in the shower, imagine that, Spanky."

She kicked her pajamas up to her, caught them midair and walked off towards her room leaving Crack speechless. He stood there for a minute before walking off in utter confusion before going to the kitchen. He looked at the coffee cup sitting on the counter, picked it up, and examined it, and sniffed it. It smelled like Coffee, but that still sent Crack into a fit of euphoria. He sat down on a stool at the island and just stared at the mug. He couldn't tell Frodo, but he loved Katie. He had seen her dance at the club before Frodo died, and he fell in love with her then. He'd always wanted to take her from that life, and treat her like a princess. Turns out his best friend got to do that, but for very different reasons.

Katie had sat down on her bed after the confrontation in the hallway. She reclined back on the bed, rester her head against the wall, and propped her feet up, and grabbed her dildo from the floor. The whole masturbating in the shower thing was a lie, and she wasn't sure she wanted to do it now, but the promise of teasing Crack too much for Katie.

"Fuck it, I'm just gonna see what's on TV instead."

She of course thought that to herself. She set the dildo on her bed next to her and grabbed the remote to check what was on. Boy Meets World Marathon on Disney. Fuck yeah.

Several hours of Boys meets World, and a nap on Crack's behalf later

Crack was sitting on the living room sofa watching Pirates of Silicon Valley, when Joseph-Gordon came bursting through the door with a bag in one arm. He noticed Crack on the sofa, and a look of panic took possession of his face.

"Uncle Crack. Where's dad? I'm in some shit, and I need his help."

"He's out for a few days with that new girl he's been seeing. I think they went to Grayling, what's up?"

"JoAnn's parents came back early, we were supposed to crash at her place tonight and tomorrow, but we can't do that now that they're here. I need a place to crash with her. Is there an empty apartment here we can use?"

Crack blinked three times and just looked at Joseph-Gordon blankly.

"Listen, man. I support your endeavor to get laid, and not by your sister. But you don't want to stay in any apartment here. I'm not even wanting to stay in this one, your dad put a bid on a house, we find out if he got it in a couple days. It's just off Dodge."

"Man, you gotta help me. Have you seen this girl? She's fucking gorgeous. Plus, Katie told me she's a virgin. Man, I'm gonna be so impressive to her."

"Ok, fine. Crash here. I won't fuck your game up. I'm ordering Chinese tonight, and I think Katie's planning on going out. When's she supposed to be here?"

There was a knock at the door. Crack looked down to check if he was wearing pants.

That would be her. Lemme go get the door."

JG walked over to the door and opened it, standing there was this 5'3" skinny blonde girl. She was decked out in Harry Potter shit.



Crack stared at her, she was not as gorgeous as JG made her seem, but at least she wasn't his sister.


"Hi, I guess you're JoAnn. I'm Katie and Joseph's uncle, Crack. What's up?"

"Crack, really? Like the manager for Frodo Smackins? Joey, you never told me your uncle managed a wrestler."

Crack began laughing, and slapping his knee.

"Hold on. I manage some two bit wrestler, and that impresses you. How well do you know Joey and Katie?"

"Katie's my best friend. I've known her since we were 5. Why?"

Crack began laughing extra hard.

"KATIE! GET OUT HERE! JOANN IS HERE!"

Katie came scurrying out of her room, purposely undoing her belt jeans before leaving the room and redoing them in front of Crack just to mess with him. She looks at her hand, grimaced, and wiped it on Crack's shirt. Naturally there was nothing on it, but the idea was enough to fuck with Crack.

"Katie, tell her who your dad is while I go change my shirt."

He walked off and once he got in his room pulled his shirt over his head and sniffed where she wiped. The only scent was his cologne, which by the way was Acqua Di Gio Essenza. No matter, he put on his XWF Crew shirt he got when Frodo and him signed up and walked back in the living room just in time to catch JoAnn's freak out at discovering whose son she was dating.

"Seriously? Why did you two not tell me your dad was famous? I would have loved to be able to brag about that. My cousins are gonna be so jealous. Oh my god, this is so fucking amazing. Oh, Joey I'm so mad you didn't tell me. All you told me about him was he went to jail and he's an addict."

"I didn't know you were a fan, and to people who aren't he's just some drugged out junkie who sleeps with men and rapes people on tv. Not exactly the type of thing you want to brag about to a girl you're trying to impress. And why didn't Katie tell you? She should know you're a wrestling fan, so she should have told you."

"Oh, there's plenty about my family I didn't tell JoAnn. Like the time Mom's step dad turned out to be a male prostitute. That was a bit odd to deal with. Especially when he got arrested on Christmas, and all he was wearing was a Gimp mask and a strategically placed Hockey Puck. Yeah, and I had to be the one to bail him out. Anyway, yeah. Yay! us, our dad's famous. Why are you two here, anyway? Dad and Sarah are off in Grayling for a lover's vacation away from us. Maybe they brought Azrael and they're having a nasty threeway again. Wish I didn't see that one."

"Why would you walk in his bedroom when he has company over? Even I don't do that."

"I didn't. It was in the living room. I came home from work, saw it, then backed out slowly and crashed at JoAnn's. By the way, Joey, I read the poem you wrote her. So cute."

"Whatever. I'm gonna go put our stuff in Dad's room. We're sleeping there after I change the sheets."

Joseph grabbed JoAnn's bag, and carried it plus his down to Frodo's room and began to clean. Katie and JoAnna went off to her room to do whatever they do, and Crack sat down and finished watching his movie. When it was done he pulled out his phone and ordered chinese.

When it got there everyone congregated in the kitchen and partook in a feast of gloriously prepared Americanized bastard versions of proper chinese dishes, that are probably mostly all american. Who cares. Either way it was a good dinner, much better than Wendy's, which has been known to cause microscopia and impotence. Scorpio might want to get that checked out. BURGER KING!

Anyway, once the food was gone, and all of it was eaten; surprisingly JoAnna can eat a lot for someone so small and thin, Joseph and JoAnn went off to Frodo's room to watch a movie together in private leaving Katie and Crack alone in the living room.

"Why are you doing this stuff to me?"

"What?"

"You walked out and fixed your pants so I could see, and pretended to wipe something on me. I know it was all an act to get me thinking you just finished masturbating. Plus, the shower masturbation thing, and how you walked in on me this morning. What are you doing?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm used to teasing men and getting them all pent up. It's what I do as a young girl, plus, working as a stripper. It's just kind of a game we play. Like, I bet she's in there resting her hand right by his cock or something. Just enough to get him thinking about her little tits bouncing up and down while she rides him."

"I'm your dad's best friend. I live with you, and he expects me to treat you like my niece. Same way Joey's my nephew. Come on, don't make this harder."

"We talking about your cock or about this situation?"

"See! That shit. Come on, Katie. Don't do that stuff. Did you have to make the comment?"

She plopped on the couch.

"I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't have said that. We should start acting more like a family, and family doesn't tease like that. But, they also don't try and creep in on each other in the shower, or when they're changing. I've noticed you doing that. I've also caught you watch me for just a minute longer than you should. Crack, you and I will never have that relationship like you have with Joey. We can try, but it won't happen. And I know why. You don't just want to slam me against a wall, hike my skirt up and fuck me until your dick falls off. No, you seem to actually have feelings for me."


He stammered for a minute trying to get the words out. Only silence came.

"See, that's what I'm talking about. You do. It's fine, but admit it, and tell me your name. I don't even know your name."

It's Martin. My name is Martin. They called me Crack back at Google because I was so Cracker Jack at my job. It just stuck, and the legend grew around it. And yes, Katie. Fine, I'll admit it. I really like you. You're so damn pretty, and you're also tons of fun. You've got this bubbly nature about you. I know it's wrong on so many levels, but I don't care."

Katie looked him in the eyes, mouthed "Thank you" and pulled her shirt off. To reveal another shirt underneath.

"I know you thought I was going to take my top off, and maybe we'd fuck or something, at least I'd give you head. That's not happening, though. Martin, I don't want to piss off daddy, and to be honest, I'm not even sexually attracted to you. You're too close to my dad. I'm sorry."

She got up, kissed him on the cheek, and walked off to her room. He plopped on the couch, grabbed her shirt, held it in front of his face, and just stared at it. Until his phone vibrated. He checked it, and it was a message from Katie. She had sent him a picture of her in just a black thong, holding Thor's hammer.


He just chuckled at this and turned on a porno.

fade to Crack's pants dropping.