06-01-2014, 09:34 PM
It's another hot fucking day in Dallas, Texas, and Gilmour Classic is sweating his fat ass off as he runs over the sidewalk with John Cena coaching him. GC looks exhausted as his titties bounce and sweat pours down his body. He looks like he's about to throw in the towel but John Cena stays on his ass.
John Cena: Come on, keep up! Move faster! Hustle! (loyalty, respect)
Classic Gilly is panting uncontrollably as he struggles to keep up with his mentor John Cena. Let's go, Gilly. It's time to get in shape for Vince!
Gilmour Classic: Wa-wa wait! I ca- can't!
John Cena: Never give up!
Classic Gilly looks like he'd rather die than run another step. He's having to exercise and wink sadistically nonstop as he runs passed all the hot babes on the sidewalk. His sweaty muscles are bulging out of his tank top as he runs by them. Oh my, surely them ladies will have to run home and change out of their soaked panties after this is all said and done.
John Cena: We're almost done, Gilly! Can you feel the fat leaving your body?
Gilmour Classic: Yes, I feel it! I think I can literally feel me losing my fat!
John Cena: Sure you can!
Gilmour Classic gives one last push as he sets his sights on the finishing point. He tilts his head up to the heavens and screams like a banshee. So demonic!
Holy shit, the wicked banshee cry allows Gilly to catch up to John Cena! Careful, Gilly, you don't want to strain yourself! Gilly is so determined, so intense, that he shoulder blocks right through John Cena. John Cena goes tumbling off of the sidewalk and into oncoming trafficand dies but overcomes the odds and makes a comeback. But it's too late, Gilly has already touched the finish line and beaten Cena. It took the outside interference of fifteen vehicles, but Gilmour Classic won the race!
Gilmour Classic: Eat my shit, Cena! I win!
John Cena: You're right, you did win. You should be proud; you showed a lot of heart out here today. I thought I was done for good when you gave me a shoulder block into traffic.
Gilmour Classic: I learned that move after watching your matches.
John Cena: Good job, I'll teach you the Five Knuckle Shuffle back at the room.
Gilly winks sadistically.
Gilmour Classic: Uh oh...
Oh shit, Gilly begins to look pale in his face... is he getting sick?! Peter, please tell me you hydrated and had a balanced breakfast this morning!
John Cena: Gilly, are you okay? You look like you're gonna puke...
Gilmour Classic: I'll... be... back...
Classic Gilly runs behind a nearby dumpster and begins to puke! My God, Cena. Next time don't push GC to work so hard!
John Cena: Damn, I hope he's gonna be okay. Peter, are you good, dude?
Slowly but surely, we see Gilmour Classic emerge from behind the dumpster. But something is... different. Something's changed with GC! Could it be that the infamous Gilmour Logic has seeped into the world of Gilmour Classic? Yes, yes it has! Because Gilmour Classic has managed to go from 350 pounds of fat, hot garbage, to a 210 pound frame of solid muscle and chiseled abs! That's right, who needs dedication and hard work when you can just use Gilmour logic to solve all of life's problems? Just look at how much GC has changed after running for 20 minutes!
Ladies and gentlemen, the new and improved Gilmour Classic! Or should I say... Gilmour Present! Narrator laughs wickedly. But we digress.
John Cena: Uhh hold up... is my friend Gilmour back there, sir?
Gilmour Classic: I am Gilmour!
John Cena: What? No you're not, get out of my way, douchebag.
John Cena pushes the "Gilmour Present" out of the way as he suspects that this might be another one of those pesky, "fake accounts" that GC spoke of earlier in the week. He looks behind the dumpster and nothing is there except for a big pile of melted fat! Cena looks back at Gilmour Classic with shock and excitement.
John Cena: But... but HOW?!
Gilmour Classic: Isn't it obvious? I used your workouts and puked up all of my fat!
John Cena: Peter, we ran half a block... How on God's green earth is it possible that you lost over 100 pounds from that?
Gilmour Classic: ...
Gilmour Classic just winks sadistically.
John Cena: Come on, keep up! Move faster! Hustle! (loyalty, respect)
Classic Gilly is panting uncontrollably as he struggles to keep up with his mentor John Cena. Let's go, Gilly. It's time to get in shape for Vince!
Gilmour Classic: Wa-wa wait! I ca- can't!
John Cena: Never give up!
Classic Gilly looks like he'd rather die than run another step. He's having to exercise and wink sadistically nonstop as he runs passed all the hot babes on the sidewalk. His sweaty muscles are bulging out of his tank top as he runs by them. Oh my, surely them ladies will have to run home and change out of their soaked panties after this is all said and done.
John Cena: We're almost done, Gilly! Can you feel the fat leaving your body?
Gilmour Classic: Yes, I feel it! I think I can literally feel me losing my fat!
John Cena: Sure you can!
Gilmour Classic gives one last push as he sets his sights on the finishing point. He tilts his head up to the heavens and screams like a banshee. So demonic!
Quote: |
Holy shit, the wicked banshee cry allows Gilly to catch up to John Cena! Careful, Gilly, you don't want to strain yourself! Gilly is so determined, so intense, that he shoulder blocks right through John Cena. John Cena goes tumbling off of the sidewalk and into oncoming traffic
Gilmour Classic: Eat my shit, Cena! I win!
John Cena: You're right, you did win. You should be proud; you showed a lot of heart out here today. I thought I was done for good when you gave me a shoulder block into traffic.
Gilmour Classic: I learned that move after watching your matches.
John Cena: Good job, I'll teach you the Five Knuckle Shuffle back at the room.
Gilly winks sadistically.
Gilmour Classic: Uh oh...
Oh shit, Gilly begins to look pale in his face... is he getting sick?! Peter, please tell me you hydrated and had a balanced breakfast this morning!
John Cena: Gilly, are you okay? You look like you're gonna puke...
Gilmour Classic: I'll... be... back...
Classic Gilly runs behind a nearby dumpster and begins to puke! My God, Cena. Next time don't push GC to work so hard!
John Cena: Damn, I hope he's gonna be okay. Peter, are you good, dude?
Slowly but surely, we see Gilmour Classic emerge from behind the dumpster. But something is... different. Something's changed with GC! Could it be that the infamous Gilmour Logic has seeped into the world of Gilmour Classic? Yes, yes it has! Because Gilmour Classic has managed to go from 350 pounds of fat, hot garbage, to a 210 pound frame of solid muscle and chiseled abs! That's right, who needs dedication and hard work when you can just use Gilmour logic to solve all of life's problems? Just look at how much GC has changed after running for 20 minutes!
Quote: |
Ladies and gentlemen, the new and improved Gilmour Classic! Or should I say... Gilmour Present! Narrator laughs wickedly. But we digress.
John Cena: Uhh hold up... is my friend Gilmour back there, sir?
Gilmour Classic: I am Gilmour!
John Cena: What? No you're not, get out of my way, douchebag.
John Cena pushes the "Gilmour Present" out of the way as he suspects that this might be another one of those pesky, "fake accounts" that GC spoke of earlier in the week. He looks behind the dumpster and nothing is there except for a big pile of melted fat! Cena looks back at Gilmour Classic with shock and excitement.
John Cena: But... but HOW?!
Gilmour Classic: Isn't it obvious? I used your workouts and puked up all of my fat!
John Cena: Peter, we ran half a block... How on God's green earth is it possible that you lost over 100 pounds from that?
Gilmour Classic: ...
Gilmour Classic just winks sadistically.