05-17-2014, 06:28 PM
Katie was sitting on the couch watching Keeping up with the Kardashians when there was a knock at the door. She got up to go check it out, and it turns out it was a package delivery, from someone up in Canada. Ok, well, it was for Katie but she has no idea who James Barcovitz III is, and she knows no one in Canada. Totally weird, right? Anyway, she decided to open it up and inside is the bones of what we can assume is a horse. With a note attached.
Katie looked in the box again, and the Pony Bones, Bonies if you will, started to take the form of a pony before they started growing skin, ligaments, muscles, and all that Pony Jazz. It was pretty cool, the pony's skin was all rotted like a zombie horse, which was ok with Katie, since it was still a pony and she was still a witch. Fuck this running a strip club for daddy, she was going to cast spells and shit. No wonder people thought she was awesome, she really was better than the rest of those worthless mortals. HAhaha! Fuck you, Classic Gilmour, you'll never be as good as Katie Yonnica Barcovitz-Ward, Queen Witch, and Princess of the Dwarves.
Anyway, so Katie, being the queen witch she was she wrinkled her nose to try and get stuff to happen. Did nothing, goddamn Samantha Stephens, your stage magic fools us again. Fucking fake witch. Maybe it needed a headbob with folded arms. Nope, goddammit Jeannie! Can you do nothing right? Fuckity fuck the chinese fuck. How the fuck do witches cast magic in real life? Please tell me, not the goddamn swish and flick with a wand. That's
on so many levels. Fuck, and she didn't have a magic wand. Oh well, on to plan B. Watching Keeping up with the Kardashians until Daddy got home so he can buy her stuff. Such is the life of a princess.
Hours pass, and someone comes home, and it's not Frodo, it's Patrick Duffy. He runs over, and in his best Frank Lamber voice blurts out random texas blarble, no one is sure what any of it means. Maybe Samuels does, but he won't even cut a speak about his shot at the Universal title. Anyway, so Patrick Duffy of all people came running at Katie whilst screaming so texas jibberish. He picks her up and hits her with a body slam through the coffee table, then lifts her and irish whips her through the TV. With Katie laying spread out like a Thanksgiving Turkey he picks her up, throws her on the sofa, and goes to pin her.
As he held her down he shifted one of his hands to her throat, as she let out a tiny little whimper, with the other hand he slowly went to undo her jeans. As soon as her belt came undone a sinister hillbilly chuckle escaped his lips. Followed by a sword. Yes, a sword escaped his lips. Like literally, the blade of a sword popped out of his mouth, with lots of blood. No one is quite sure why, but Katie was sort of relieved. Until he took his free hand, reached back, and pulled the sword out of his head. Slowly he removes his hand, and stands up to face his attacker.
It's Frodo, and he's managed to grab another sword, this time it's a Katana instead of the broad sword he first stabbed through Duffy. Duffy looks at Frodo, hole still through his head, and begins to chuckle, not just any chuckle, some hillbilly chuckle from Hell. Anyway, Frodo and Patrick Duffy run at each other and the swords began to clash and clink. It was pretty epic.
Frodo would throw a wild swing, and Duff would parry, mad parry skillz. Duffy threw a stab that would have impaled two horses, but luckily, Frodo being the master midget, ducked and threw his blade straight into Patrick's groin. That was apparently the spot, Patrick Duffy was dead.
"OMIGOD! Daddy! Why did the weird Texan come to rape me?"
"Montana. He's from Montana, and I don't know. I just got here, but shit was cray."
Frodo finally steps out from under Patrick Duffy, who is being held up the sword, kind of like a kickstand, but as he steps out Frodo kicks Duffy over. Katie ran over and began to hug Frodo tightly crying.
"It was so weird, I got a package in the mail with pony bones, the letter told me I was a witch, so I tried to cast spells, and the nose thing Samantha did doesn't work, nor did Jeannie's arm cross headbob. Then Patrick Duffy attacked me. Also, I got a pony."
"Honey, the arm cross headbob is used to tell nearby wizards you're in the mood to mate. It's a witch's mating call. Patrick Duffy is a very old Wizard, I learned magic from him. No wonder he came for you."
"Wait, you're a wizard? Is mommy a witch?"
"Yes, and I killed her already. I hunt Witches and Wizard who try and live in the real world. Where is your Uncle James?
"Somewhere in Canada. Are you going to kill me?"
She buried her face in his shoulder and began to sob hard. She felt a sharp pain in the abdomen for a minute, then it got really warm, and then cold quickly. Her breathing slowed, and her eyes got heavy.
"I already did, my angel. Go to sleep now, when you wake up you'll be with your mother."
Katie's eyes got heavy and she finally closed them before opening them again, she was in her own bed, no wounds or anything. It was all just a fucked up dream. She went back to sleep.
Fade to the back of Frodo's left pinky toe.
| "Dear Catherine, It's your uncle James, by now you may have figured out that there is something different about you. You are not an ordinary human, you are in fact a witch. Yes, you see, they closed the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry down for the American Continents, and Hogwarts won't accept you, so you never got to go to Witch school. As a consolation I have sent you a pony, hopefully it survives the trip there. Anyway, tell your mom I said hey. Gotta go, the Wizard cops are chasing me. By the way, Harry Potter really is an asshole. Love, Uncle James. |
Katie looked in the box again, and the Pony Bones, Bonies if you will, started to take the form of a pony before they started growing skin, ligaments, muscles, and all that Pony Jazz. It was pretty cool, the pony's skin was all rotted like a zombie horse, which was ok with Katie, since it was still a pony and she was still a witch. Fuck this running a strip club for daddy, she was going to cast spells and shit. No wonder people thought she was awesome, she really was better than the rest of those worthless mortals. HAhaha! Fuck you, Classic Gilmour, you'll never be as good as Katie Yonnica Barcovitz-Ward, Queen Witch, and Princess of the Dwarves.
Anyway, so Katie, being the queen witch she was she wrinkled her nose to try and get stuff to happen. Did nothing, goddamn Samantha Stephens, your stage magic fools us again. Fucking fake witch. Maybe it needed a headbob with folded arms. Nope, goddammit Jeannie! Can you do nothing right? Fuckity fuck the chinese fuck. How the fuck do witches cast magic in real life? Please tell me, not the goddamn swish and flick with a wand. That's
on so many levels. Fuck, and she didn't have a magic wand. Oh well, on to plan B. Watching Keeping up with the Kardashians until Daddy got home so he can buy her stuff. Such is the life of a princess.Hours pass, and someone comes home, and it's not Frodo, it's Patrick Duffy. He runs over, and in his best Frank Lamber voice blurts out random texas blarble, no one is sure what any of it means. Maybe Samuels does, but he won't even cut a speak about his shot at the Universal title. Anyway, so Patrick Duffy of all people came running at Katie whilst screaming so texas jibberish. He picks her up and hits her with a body slam through the coffee table, then lifts her and irish whips her through the TV. With Katie laying spread out like a Thanksgiving Turkey he picks her up, throws her on the sofa, and goes to pin her.
As he held her down he shifted one of his hands to her throat, as she let out a tiny little whimper, with the other hand he slowly went to undo her jeans. As soon as her belt came undone a sinister hillbilly chuckle escaped his lips. Followed by a sword. Yes, a sword escaped his lips. Like literally, the blade of a sword popped out of his mouth, with lots of blood. No one is quite sure why, but Katie was sort of relieved. Until he took his free hand, reached back, and pulled the sword out of his head. Slowly he removes his hand, and stands up to face his attacker.
It's Frodo, and he's managed to grab another sword, this time it's a Katana instead of the broad sword he first stabbed through Duffy. Duffy looks at Frodo, hole still through his head, and begins to chuckle, not just any chuckle, some hillbilly chuckle from Hell. Anyway, Frodo and Patrick Duffy run at each other and the swords began to clash and clink. It was pretty epic.
Frodo would throw a wild swing, and Duff would parry, mad parry skillz. Duffy threw a stab that would have impaled two horses, but luckily, Frodo being the master midget, ducked and threw his blade straight into Patrick's groin. That was apparently the spot, Patrick Duffy was dead.
"OMIGOD! Daddy! Why did the weird Texan come to rape me?"
"Montana. He's from Montana, and I don't know. I just got here, but shit was cray."
Frodo finally steps out from under Patrick Duffy, who is being held up the sword, kind of like a kickstand, but as he steps out Frodo kicks Duffy over. Katie ran over and began to hug Frodo tightly crying.
"It was so weird, I got a package in the mail with pony bones, the letter told me I was a witch, so I tried to cast spells, and the nose thing Samantha did doesn't work, nor did Jeannie's arm cross headbob. Then Patrick Duffy attacked me. Also, I got a pony."
"Honey, the arm cross headbob is used to tell nearby wizards you're in the mood to mate. It's a witch's mating call. Patrick Duffy is a very old Wizard, I learned magic from him. No wonder he came for you."
"Wait, you're a wizard? Is mommy a witch?"
"Yes, and I killed her already. I hunt Witches and Wizard who try and live in the real world. Where is your Uncle James?
"Somewhere in Canada. Are you going to kill me?"
She buried her face in his shoulder and began to sob hard. She felt a sharp pain in the abdomen for a minute, then it got really warm, and then cold quickly. Her breathing slowed, and her eyes got heavy.
"I already did, my angel. Go to sleep now, when you wake up you'll be with your mother."
Katie's eyes got heavy and she finally closed them before opening them again, she was in her own bed, no wounds or anything. It was all just a fucked up dream. She went back to sleep.
Fade to the back of Frodo's left pinky toe.