05-08-2014, 09:55 AM
The camera man walks into an abandoned house, that is clearly abandoned because the yard is in disarray, there's broken windows, and I think I saw a chipmunk having sex with a goldfish in the front yard. I don't know how it's possible, but it was happening. Anyway we're digressing hard. So hard we've digressing into the Nth dimmension. To stop the digressing we have to run inside, but first here's Ollie Williams with the weather.
"It's fucking sunny and warm. A heated 98 degrees in this bitch. Hotter than Maria Brink, fuck that doesn't work, bitch looks like a rat got fucked by a pig whose offspring mated with a dung beetle. I mean, who finds that bitch attractive? No one. Not even Swagmire, and that nigga loves white girls like Gilmour loves Chicken Parm and trannies."
Ok, so we've got the weather covered. Are there cars driving by? Of course, becuase fuck your mother if you don't love cars driving by. I eat that shit for breakfast, because I goddamn well can. Upon entering the house we see a figure seated in a broken chair facing away from us. His long black jacket with hello kitty bedazzled on the back is flowing in the wind, because fuck you if you don't like jackets in the wind.
. The man is in some of the black skinny jeans the kids all wear these days, and if you don't you can go to hell for being a . The man lowers his head into his arms, we cannot see his face. He speaks.
"You don't know my name."
Holy shit! It's the Clawson Struggle Snuggler! Swagmire G. Swagginton Swaggins! He raises his head and turns around so we can see his face.
"Ok, so you know my name, but you do not know me. Maybe you do, I am of course the 6 time Starbucks Champion, I am the one who beat Cheat Lucena, and rumor exists that if the results for Terminal Velocity ever see the light of day I was the winner, and I am the one who knocks. No, wait, that's Walter White. Anyway, what you may not know is that on Wednesday, May 14th, in Lincoln, Nebraska I will add another loss to Peter Gilmour's record. A loss that comes with a price. He has to submit to my will when I win. What demand to I make him meet? He must admit that not only did Frodo and him engage in anal sex, he has to admit to liking it. Because he cannot beat me. He will lose, like he always does. Like he did to Fatback, like he did to Azrael, like he did to Theo, even to Michael McFuckingBride, the only person McBride has ever beaten in like 6 months was Gilmour. Seriously. Sad pathetic Gilmour, lost a match to his own fat even.
Oh, wait, he's not the same Peter Gilmour he was then. That's right, he's somehow different. Must be because he took a month away and got taller. Plastic surgery is great, isn't it? Peter, I'm going to advise you to just admit the sex happened before our match, we've all seen it. Everyone of us. If you think someone didn't, you're wrong. There was a poll on who raped you, and more than half the people said it was Frodo did. The rest said that Scorpio, or everyone raped you. Face it, Peter, you're the fucking butt of everyone's joke here. You and that fat slag you love, Maria Brink. Speaking off, I have someone cooking me breakfast in the kitchen. This is their house, after all. Let's go have a look."
Swagmire gets up and walks towards the kitchen, the camera follows behind him as he drops his stupid sparkly jacket, who would wear something like that? A man that would wear make up, that's who. We make it to the kitchen, and some fat girl is cooking what smells like Bacon, and on the table is a plate of Chicken Parm, guess she was busy cooking for a while. Swagmire sits down and begins eating as the woman sets a plate of bacon down in besides his chicken parm.
"Swagmire, it was sure nice of you to come visit my house, punch me in the stomach and call me a fat whore until I cook for you. Just like what Peter Gilmour does to his fiances before he cheats on them, brags about it, threatens to rape little asian girls, and then claims to be a good man."
"Well, bitch. I am true Dance Incarnate, I spread kindness by not treating women the way Peter Gilmour does, because unlike Peter, I'm not a terrible human being. I actually deserve to have people like me. I will also never get sued by the male talent on the XWF for sexual harassment. That shit's just wrong, man. Wrong I say."
The woman sits down by Swagmire and we get a good look at her.
![[Image: Maria_Brink_2.png]](http://s21.postimg.org/p4nurpwpj/Maria_Brink_2.png)
"Aren't you afraid of him in this match, and his demand if you lose?"
"His demand will be something pretty , like I have to kill myself or something. Probably kill Frodo, or cut his dick off. Something that only an immature turd licker would come up with. Rumor has it that Pete is going to cry and back out of the agreement at the end, like he did when he lost to Theo, and to Fatback, and like when Maddy challenged him to a match where winner designers loser's face through plastic surgery. Peter the Pussy. Not the Hollywood Bad Boy, he's the Hollywood Puss Puss. Get Crimson Dong on this nigga."
Fade to Tic Tac
![[Image: Cinnamon_Tic_Tac.jpg?a13b35]](http://www.jenders.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Cinnamon_Tic_Tac.jpg?a13b35)
"It's fucking sunny and warm. A heated 98 degrees in this bitch. Hotter than Maria Brink, fuck that doesn't work, bitch looks like a rat got fucked by a pig whose offspring mated with a dung beetle. I mean, who finds that bitch attractive? No one. Not even Swagmire, and that nigga loves white girls like Gilmour loves Chicken Parm and trannies."
Ok, so we've got the weather covered. Are there cars driving by? Of course, becuase fuck your mother if you don't love cars driving by. I eat that shit for breakfast, because I goddamn well can. Upon entering the house we see a figure seated in a broken chair facing away from us. His long black jacket with hello kitty bedazzled on the back is flowing in the wind, because fuck you if you don't like jackets in the wind.
. The man is in some of the black skinny jeans the kids all wear these days, and if you don't you can go to hell for being a . The man lowers his head into his arms, we cannot see his face. He speaks."You don't know my name."
Holy shit! It's the Clawson Struggle Snuggler! Swagmire G. Swagginton Swaggins! He raises his head and turns around so we can see his face.
"Ok, so you know my name, but you do not know me. Maybe you do, I am of course the 6 time Starbucks Champion, I am the one who beat Cheat Lucena, and rumor exists that if the results for Terminal Velocity ever see the light of day I was the winner, and I am the one who knocks. No, wait, that's Walter White. Anyway, what you may not know is that on Wednesday, May 14th, in Lincoln, Nebraska I will add another loss to Peter Gilmour's record. A loss that comes with a price. He has to submit to my will when I win. What demand to I make him meet? He must admit that not only did Frodo and him engage in anal sex, he has to admit to liking it. Because he cannot beat me. He will lose, like he always does. Like he did to Fatback, like he did to Azrael, like he did to Theo, even to Michael McFuckingBride, the only person McBride has ever beaten in like 6 months was Gilmour. Seriously. Sad pathetic Gilmour, lost a match to his own fat even.
Oh, wait, he's not the same Peter Gilmour he was then. That's right, he's somehow different. Must be because he took a month away and got taller. Plastic surgery is great, isn't it? Peter, I'm going to advise you to just admit the sex happened before our match, we've all seen it. Everyone of us. If you think someone didn't, you're wrong. There was a poll on who raped you, and more than half the people said it was Frodo did. The rest said that Scorpio, or everyone raped you. Face it, Peter, you're the fucking butt of everyone's joke here. You and that fat slag you love, Maria Brink. Speaking off, I have someone cooking me breakfast in the kitchen. This is their house, after all. Let's go have a look."
Swagmire gets up and walks towards the kitchen, the camera follows behind him as he drops his stupid sparkly jacket, who would wear something like that? A man that would wear make up, that's who. We make it to the kitchen, and some fat girl is cooking what smells like Bacon, and on the table is a plate of Chicken Parm, guess she was busy cooking for a while. Swagmire sits down and begins eating as the woman sets a plate of bacon down in besides his chicken parm.
"Swagmire, it was sure nice of you to come visit my house, punch me in the stomach and call me a fat whore until I cook for you. Just like what Peter Gilmour does to his fiances before he cheats on them, brags about it, threatens to rape little asian girls, and then claims to be a good man."
"Well, bitch. I am true Dance Incarnate, I spread kindness by not treating women the way Peter Gilmour does, because unlike Peter, I'm not a terrible human being. I actually deserve to have people like me. I will also never get sued by the male talent on the XWF for sexual harassment. That shit's just wrong, man. Wrong I say."
The woman sits down by Swagmire and we get a good look at her.
"Aren't you afraid of him in this match, and his demand if you lose?"
"His demand will be something pretty
, like I have to kill myself or something. Probably kill Frodo, or cut his dick off. Something that only an immature turd licker would come up with. Rumor has it that Pete is going to cry and back out of the agreement at the end, like he did when he lost to Theo, and to Fatback, and like when Maddy challenged him to a match where winner designers loser's face through plastic surgery. Peter the Pussy. Not the Hollywood Bad Boy, he's the Hollywood Puss Puss. Get Crimson Dong on this nigga."Fade to Tic Tac