May I present to you an absence of introduction as your eyes are bombarded with a downward shot looking straight into a toilet flushing. The toilet continues to flush what seems like an endless supply of water into the hole...
"""Sometimes it's best to tuck your secrets deep within a place nobody would ever want to look"""
As the toilet continues its endless flush, the water begins running red.
"""I've bled for the XWF under multiple aliases over countless years, and what have I been given in return- Not shit!"""
Note the absence of shit in the blood colored water that continues to flush.
"""Now here we are in early May of 2014 and I feel inclined to cup my hands around my mouth and scream MAYDAY into the high heavens above"""
***instant cut***
**blackness**
*new sky*
"""The fresh air, green trees and grass, and the clear blue sky above smell nothing like any commode I've been to"""
The camera's eye scans from left to right as a large field of grass with trees in the distance is displayed. The camera looks down and we see the hands of a man wearing spiked, metal armor on his forearms and over his knuckles - ≡The Imperial Erotican≡
In his hands a blue Frisbee, quickly thrown, the camera keeping watch as it soars farther away and out of seemingly nowhere a large black dog jumps up and catches it in its mouth.
"""Good boy! You're already smarter than Paul Heyman, Peter Gilmour and that new guy all wrapped into one solid ball of high fructose corn; now bring it here!"""
≡The Imperial Erotican≡'s hands can be seen clapping together enthusiastically as this large beast comes running steadfast at him. Upon closer inspection it's clear that no dog could be this large. The mammoth creature barreling toward ≡The Imperial Erotican≡ with the Frisbee in its mouth is a......bear? It brings the Frisbee to ≡The Imperial Erotican≡ and receives a pat on its head.
"""Superb. You'll eat well this evening"""
The bear stands up on its hind legs and begins to "clap" its paws together as if it is celebrating the news.
"""You'll be eating even better Monday Night when I stuff Peter Gilmour deep down into your throat and watch you work out the consequences"""
The bear returns to its four legged stance and jimmies its head to the right in a puzzled manner.
"""What are you so confused about?"""
The bear answers in a very clear voice with just a hint of an English accent- "My word, I do believe you've gotten your opponent mixed up with his counterpart. When I checked the card it had you facing the one they call 'Classic Gilmour' in an incredibly pointless and childish match up in which you are expected to break a pinata to win. Pardon my digression old chap but did you mean you will be stuffing Classic Gilmour deep into my throat to watch me work out the consequences-?- because you know, I wouldn't mind sinking my teeth into that tasty morsel."
The clawed hand of ≡The Imperial Erotican≡ is seen reaching ahead to rub the bear under its chin, causing the bear to purr.
"""I stand corrected. That's why I pay you the big money and I think it's time you met our audience. If you'll look closely into my helmet you'll notice a lens over my left eye that is serving as a camera. You, my friend, are being seen by trillions of people as we speak"""
The bear jumps back and stands up on its hind legs again trying to cover its lower extremities with its paws. The entire bear's (upper) head starts to glow a bright, pulsating red.
"""I've embarrassed you; I apologize. I didn't take into account that you might not have been ready to be seen"""
The bear raises an eyebrow and replies- "You of all people should be quite aware of the importance of proper timing before exposing. What if I decided to announce your real name right now so everybody knew you were really Mystica going out of your way to act foolish and throw those who remember you off the scent?"
"""Don't do that"""
The bear crosses its arms and lowers its bushy eyebrows, looking straight at the camera- "Hello, onlookers. It seems the revealing of my identity has come a little earlier than expected, but I may as well take advantage of this and see it as an opportunity rather than a hindrance. My name, good people, is Dinosaurus Rex and I am...believe it or not......a talking bear. Not only that but I am the talking bear that is going to swallow Mr. Classic Gilmour's entire body, dick included, on Monday Night Madness. Tune in or I'll fuck your mother."
Dinosaurus Rex nods in a friendly manner and turns away as a low battery alert appears on screen. ≡The Imperial Erotican≡ reaches up and in toward the camera as we get a close enough view of his fingertips that we can see his fingerprints.
"""Silly me, I forgot to charge my eye camera. The Gilmours would be entirely disappointed in me right about now"""
*static, then white screen, then cut*