04-27-2014, 03:16 PM
Leo Tolstoy once said: "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
Now, I'll be honest here, I have no idea how that'll relate back to what I say in this promo, but oh well. However, it's a sentiment I've seen expressed quite a bit as of late, and I feel it somehow relevant to the encounter that's set to take place on Madness come Monday. For the three people watching this that don't know the situation; in a little over a month of being a professional wrestler, a profession chosen simply because my severe antisocial tendencies could be more easily forgiven than in other lines of work, I've found myself not only with a guaranteed shot at the XWF World Heavyweight Championship (the irony in that being that I likely wouldn't be considered a "heavyweight" at a midget boxing league, let alone a less than normal wrestling promotion), but also with a shot at the XWF European Championship.
However, instead of being focused on a lust for either prize, which don't get me wrong, are prestigious and are items that some in this company would kill over, I find myself focused on a series of increasingly silly coincidences and similarities regarding the two matches in question.
First, being the fact that both matches will end up with myself against Jon Plex. Something that is nothing if not some wild, cosmic coincidence considering the fact that the match was booked before Plex won the Warfare Battle Royal.
However, another similarity regarding Plex is also somewhat of a call back to my first match as a professional wrestler. One of my three opponents for that encounter was a man by the name of Julian Martin. Now, who besides me remembers good old Julian?
Come on, viewers. Don't all raise your hands at once.
Oh, okay. I'm the only one who remembers Julian. The reason Plex reminds me so much of Julian is through something I would like to dub the "making things up as they go along" style of delivering what's commonly referred to as trash talk. Both of which decided to take pot shots at my personal life, with the former making comments aimed towards my "idiot brother" and the latter claiming things about my uncle and a situation where I seem to have found myself being held at gunpoint. As a matter of fact, Jon has gone the extra mile and hired someone who looks a lot like me to play a role in this little con in order to give his wild claims some kind of "evidence."
Well, evidence until one sits and actually contemplates the logic behind it.
Think about it, viewers. Think about me being held at gunpoint and kidnapped. I would most certainly be in danger if such a thing were to occur, would I not be?
Yet, do I sound like I'm in danger, or do I sound like I'm dealing with the incessant ramblings of an overgrown child who just so happens to have a modicum of talent?
If you chose the former, you're Jon Plex.
If you chose the latter, you're correct.
Now, I know that questions are no doubt being lobbed at the screens of the machine you're using to listen to this audio recording right this second in regards to the validity (or more accurately, lack thereof) of Plex's claims of this big, grandiose production.
First and foremost being: If Plex is lying and there's nothing suspicious going on in my personal life, why the need to only communicate in the form of an audio recording?
To which I reply: It's the way I've done everything, since before this accusation.
To which the skeptic would likely reply with the very reasonable: Well, shouldn't you at least show yourself now so that we know for a fact that Plex is indeed lying through his teeth?
And to that, I say simply: No. As he's already committed himself to this lie, even this flat out declaration that I'm really okay will only cause him to go even further off the deep end with his conspiracy theory. If I were to appear in the flesh and unharmed, he'd claim it to be a myth.
He's not very bright, is what I'm getting at.
However, let's go with this claim. Say I am in a life threatening situation.
Say right now, there's someone standing right beside me with a gun to my head.
Now, let's fast forward to Monday when I show up and then beat you and Wyatt (who I haven't forgotten about yet) and win the European Championship.
Because, despite your own protests based on the merits of me having a set of tits and a vagina, that is what's going to happen.
What then?
You lost to the girl with more personal problems and issues than you do half witted comments.
Congratulations.
However, since you appear so adamant about these claims of my inferiority to you based solely on my gender, allow me to bring you up to speed with how I know that I'm going to beat you.
It's simple. Three words, really.
You.
Aren't.
Special.
Nothing about your actual in ring talent is in the slightest bit impressive compared to what I've already faced and conquered. As a matter of fact, allow me to take you back to Wednesday, where you got laid out by none other than Romulus Heinrich Winters, my glorified verbal punching bag and a man I eliminated from the Rumble. How could you allow someone who lost to such an inferior woman to get the better of you?
Disregard the fact that you went through a match prior because if you were half as amazing as you claim to be, that wouldn't matter.
How?
The only logical conclusion is that you aren't as amazing as you claim to be.
The only logical conclusion is that you aren't amazing at all.
The only logical conclusion is that you're painfully mediocre and are overcompensating.
Just like Julian Martin.
I'm sorry Julian, were you saying something? I couldn't quite make it out over your lack of intelligence and overpowering alpha male personality that just barely covers all the glaring weakness in everything you do.
Too bad it cracks under pressure.
Too bad it isn't strong enough to cover you more thoroughly.
Too bad you can't make a decent point to save your life.
Too bad you claim that this "is wrestling" and then proceed to focus solely on these false personal life scenarios to try and claim an upper hand over me.
Too bad that didn't help.
Too bad that for all your claims and posturing, you aren't better than me.
I'm sorry Julian, were you saying something?
Heh, flashback humor.
However, Julian Plex, while being the more vocal of my opponents, isn't the only one.
Wyatt Reynolds.
What's wrong, Wyatt? What could've possibly caused this rapid onset vocal paralysis?
Is it the fact that you're finally getting slapped in the face with your own cowardice?
You know what?
Screw it.
You're proving yourself less and less worth speaking at length about by the second.
Keep on staying silent, Wyatt.
We all know what'll happen come Monday, anyway.