Father glared at me with his hateful eyes at he licked his chocolate ice cream cone. We sat at a picnic table at the Black Water Carnival, kids and parents bustling throughout the fair grounds with excitement. I was ten years old at the time and this was my first visit to the carnival.
Asylum: Nothing.
He chuckled at my statement. He didn't want to bring me along with him and I knew it.
Father: Nothing? I don't think it was nothing. You begged me to let you accompany me here when you knew I had business to attend to. You put on those puppy dog eyes just so? No. I'll say it again, what the fuck do you want?
He intimidated me so much, he was the law. I could hear the old roller coaster running a few feet from us, people screaming in excitement over the thrill of the ride. It looked like so much fun.
Asylum: It's nothing, Father. I'm just sitting here-
Father: Oh so you're unappreciative of our time together? You'd rather be doing something else? What could be better than some Father-Son time. Even Death needs Fatherly advice.
This time I chose not to speak, but I made the fatal error to glance over at the people stepping off the roller coaster and new people stepping on. Father followed my eyes and caught me. His boisterous laughter almost caused him to drop his cone.
Father: That's what all this fuss was about? You want to ride that thing?
I shake my head without making eye contact with Father. No more lashings. No more.
Father: Hey! Look at me!
I obeyed reluctantly.
Father: You don't have to be afraid. You want to see the coaster up close?
Compassion? This was a new feeling from him, but at the time all I cared about was the coaster. Looking back on it, I'd wish I'd never said anything. I nodded.
Asylum: Yes...please...for just a moment.
His smile could make the devil turn his head with how ugly it was. Father gestured for me to stand and he did as well. He threw his cone into the trash and grabbed my hand forcefully, leaving a bruise I'd later notice. He pulled me over to the operator of the coaster who was watching the newest group go around the loop. He smiled at Father with a welcoming face.
Operator: Afternoon.
Father: Good Afternoon. My boy here would like to see the coaster, when's the next time they come back around.
Operator: Two minutes.
Father: Perfect.
He turns to me with his grip still placed on my hand.
Father: There you are, the coaster will be here soon. Go stand up there.
He points past the platform, but I do not take notice and stand at the platform. He pulls me back into his face.
Father: That is NOT where I told you to stand! You will stand over there.
He points again to the same place as before. My eyes widen as the coaster passes by whirling at top speed.
Asylum: The.....track? But...
Father: But, nothing. You said you wanted to see the coaster up close, now move!!!
I looked to the operator, hoping he'd stop this madness. We met eyes as he lit his cigarette and smiled with his yellow teeth. He motioned for me to get up there. I was alone yet again to the madness of my Father.
Asylum: I...I...
His grip tightens as he drags me over to the track. The coaster is now on the other side hitting a loop. The screeching of the rails overpowers all the noises of the carnival, including my screams of terror. I scream and struggle not wanting to be placed on the track. I didn't want it to happen, this couldn't happen. I don't want to live up my name!!!
Father: Why are you screaming, Death, you're not the one who is going to die!!
I look to the Operator who is laughing at me as he gingerly pulls the break on the coaster causing it to screech louder and cancel out my screams. There was nothing I could do. The coaster inched closer and closer as Father slammed me down on the track. He pulled out a rope and tied it one of my hands to the rail. Fear gripped my throat, I couldn't move my body as the coaster and I were now face to face. If only I hadn't been paralyzed with fear, a ten year old mind facing Death once more then maybe I'd have pulled the rope out and left. The screams of the people on the coaster billowed as they took notice of me, none of them able to do anything as they were strapped to their seats.
Father: MOVE ANDY!!!
Father yelled and jumped off the platform. The Operator jumped as well, but he was a second too late as the coaster smashes into my body. A loud boom accompanied it as the carts separated from each other and shot around the carnival. One holding a twelve year old boy and his thirteen year old date smashed into the ice cream stand killing them and the ones inside. Another flipped down the platform destroying it in its wake, it was holding a man and his daughter. A third flipped the opposite way taking out the supports to the track. The track tumbled down on top of the two woman that occupied the cart, but the flips may have well killed them already as the debris the followed were simply overkill.
That's when the back car hit the operator. He hadn't moved fast enough as the empty car smashed his mid section taking him across the fair grounds into the crowded food area Father and I had been sitting at earlier. The cart took out a good amount of people who were sitting enjoying a nice family meal, most notably was the broken baby carriage with a smashed babies corpse entwined in the seat. Then there is the front cart....
The front had been dented through with the imprint of my body. The couple in the front looked as if they'd been in a car crash, one with a broken neck and the other was launched onto a pike situated near the coaster.
And there I stood.....blood splattered and dirt covered. Not a scratch on me. The horrors of what I'd done surrounded me. The track was destroyed, Death at every corner. People screaming, babies crying, children sobbing for their dead mother's. But there I stood, unharmed. Father stood up, he was cut and bruised a bit from the debris, but he wasn't seriously hurt.
Why couldn't he have died?
He grabs me and pulls me down to him. He places me on his shoulders and runs off into the cornfield near the back of the carnival. Midst the chaos we went unnoticed. We hit the corn and now we were gone to the naked eye. Screams of terror haunted my mind as I looked back to see smoke billowing up from the carnival.
Father: You finally did something right.
He said this to me without any regrets over his actions, he almost sounded overjoyed. We got a good distance away from where we started and he threw me down like luggage. He cracked his knuckles and his neck, stretching his body out from the long trek we just made.
Father: Fuck, you're heavy. Lose some damn weight.
I can't look at him. I can't even breathe, I'm so angry and grief driven. I have no idea what to do....so I cry.
Father: Wipe those fucking tears! You did exactly what I wanted. We got to see your true strength! I knew you had it in you do cause such carnage, to show how powerful you are. It's a shame that Andy wasn't fast enough, kind of makes his end of the deal not work out as well.
Andy? The Operator? He planned it all. Father knew I wanted to go and he knew I wanted to go on that coaster. That's why we sat so close. But....
Father: Why? I can see that question in your eyes, well that and tragedy. A few reasons, Death. Firstly, I wanted you to truly suffer with loss. All these years you've never felt loss that you caused first hand. You've only heard of what you'd done to her so I wanted you to experience how evil you truly are. Secondly, Andy and I wanted to destroy that goddamned Carnival. The owner stiffed us on some money so we decided the best way to get back was the ruin business...for good. Andy wasn't the brightest bulb, but he served his purpose. I was the brains, he was the face and you were the muscle. So, I thank you. All this chaos and destruction caused by you. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Now, let's get back home, we've got some packing to do.
With that, Father walked past me in the direction of home. I didn't move and he didn't care. He didn't wait up for me as I stayed out their until the night. The screams finally died down...or at least that is what Father told me. In my head, they never left. In my head, Asylum started to become real. Asylum was my blanket from Death. Asylum was the only way I'd be kept sane. Asylum....was angry. He is me and I am him.
On that day we made a promise to each other.
Asylum: When the time is right, Father will die by our hands.
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