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~~Sid Feder~~ · (01-06-2014)

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8==>It's a No Go<==8
8==>January 6th<==8

This is me Sid Feder talking straight to you -- the XWF fans. Now let me paint a picture for you so I can get your take on something, ok?

Let's say one of you untalented, less fortunate individuals somehow made your way all the way up to the XWF roster. You spend the years training and working your way up through the indies, and one day here you are in the big leagues. Now let's say that you were given a championship in the XWF that was pretty much guaranteed to stay with you at all times; let's call it the Television Title. What would this say about you when you are measured up against any of the other champions in the federation? Let's remember this TV Championship is a very special title..

A title that--

A) Never is defended for more than 15 minutes straight at any given time

B) Forces the challengers into unusual and awkward time constraints, not only with the match's time limit but with how challengers are allowed to "promo" for their match in the week leading up to it -- basically given less "TV Time" to get the fans behind the challenger because XWF wants their TV Champion to be the one receiving more support or at least have the fans be more familiar with

C) Originally was called the North Korean Championship and belonged exclusively to Saturday Shove It before Mr. Supernova won it and it suddenly was turned into a TV Title with all kinds of special "training wheels" locked onto it so poor little Supernova wouldn't crash and scrape his knee

Speaking of scraped knees and Mr. Supernova; my knees have been healing quickly after delivering that Ratings Spike to that on Monday Madness. I wonder if he even knows that happened or cares? He is known to have his head, ahem, in the clouds. Well, that is unless he has his head being driven into the concrete by my Ratings Spike. What's more is I'm going to hit the move again tonight -- the fans are going to scream and the ratings will spike when Sid Feder and Mr. Supernova clash to reveal Supernova's truly pathetic abilities when stuck in a real match with a real man. This is the problem with being the XWF's TV Champ and letting yourself get booked in matches with a real champion -- hell, even Peter Gilmour could run circles around the current TV Champ yet it's the TV Champ getting a shot at my title instead of Peter Gilmour? Why? Is XWF just trying to make it easy on me?

FUCK! Give me Peter Gilmour and give me a real challenge; I really don't mind, guys! I can handle it.

Anyway, I guess I have to talk more about Mr. Supernova. Do any of you XWF fans ever wonder if there's any connection between his name and his shitty ass performances? I mean after all, there used to be a running joke about the Chevy Nova because it was known to never work properly and break the fuck down month after month. Later it was revealed, and in very amusing fashion, that "Nova" which arguably could be seen as "No Va" actually means "No Go" in Spanish! And so these people who all owned a Chevy Nova started wondering why the fuck they bought something that literally means it won't go? Is this the story behind Mr. SuperNoGo? Was he actually named appropriately even though to himself, he doesn't mean the term in that sense?

But then again, wasn't that the case with the Spanish? See, only an idiot American or some other fool who doesn't speak Spanish would assume "Nova" could be read as "No Va" by a Spanish speaking person. It would be the same as expecting an English speaking person of confusing the word "Notable" with the two words "No Table" meaning a lack of table. Notable is an entirely different word in our language just like Nova is a much different word than "No Va" in Spanish.

So what's this all mean? It means the Chevy Nova actually was not named for its lack of drive and it's just a vastly wild coincidence that some morons who don't speak the right language could confuse it as meaning "No Go" -- still though, it made for quite the amusing joke in its time.

My question to you, Nova, is which reason belongs to you? Was it a random coincidence that you got named after a vehicle that doesn't run? Or was it actually done intentionally with you? Is this a case of us misunderstanding the translation because of the fact that you literally "Don't Go" or what the fuck is going on here? Should I really be calling you Mr. SuperNoGo?

Let's explore some of your background to see if it makes sense to do that based on your history instead of based on the definition of the word nova itself..

Let's take a look at the history of our TV Champion--

Yeah, I'm staggered too. I'm also asking myself what the fuck I'm even looking at with these dates. I mean come on! Look at April 26th -- why the FUCK did the championship change hands thirteen times in the same night before Mr. Supernova was allowed to keep it? What the fuck was going on? I don't even think the UFO or X-Treme Titles have been made that much of a joke in the same night. What were you idiots doing that night? Playing fucking hot potato with the damn belt nobody wanted because it was a piece of shit?

Seriously -- listen to me when I ask this -- are you only the champion, Mr. NoGo, because nobody else in the XWF was willing to perform at such an ungodly LOW level? I mean holy fuck! I can't even remember the last time the X-Treme Title changed hands more than twice in the same night and that's a fucking 24/7 title!

Nova, you currently hold what is advertised as the "hardest title to win" in the entire fed. Yet when I look back on April 26th -- the day you won it -- it looks to me like anybody who rolled out of bed that morning was allowed to hold the title. Fucking Ann Thraxx? Ann Thraxx was the champion that day too?

Oh boy! Let's not stop there!

Look at that list of by God legendary names who you had to compete with the night you were handed this TV Title--

Fucking Donnie Damage? WHO? Not sure if that's even a real person but he accomplished the same achievement as Nova on April 26th.

Eric Rex? What? I think I might be able to picture that guy's face but it's not easy. I guess he's a former TV Champ though!

Alex Richards? Danny Devia? Fucking Christ, man, are you for real? These are some of the names that got their hands on that title before you did on April 26th? Even Luca Arzegotti managed to win the belt twice that night so he's already held that title more times than you have! And that stupid fucker can't even manage to stay alive and he's already got one over on you!

God, Nova, I have to retract my previous statement on this TV Title matter. Remember how I told you I was going to embarrass you in our European Title match and then I was going to make sure we get booked later on for your title? Well, fuck man, I take that shit back. I'm going to eat my words faster than a dog eats its own vomit because I'm starting to see how I'd be looked at if I was the reigning TV Champ. NO THANKS! I'll just beat the holy hell out of you, send you on your merry faggotry way, and then forget about you the next day when I'm gearing up to beat some other poor chump into dust.

Here's a fun assignment for all you kids at home. I'm too fucking lazy to do this myself and I already know what it's going to reveal, but maybe you guys want to have a crack at it. Go looking through the XWF's history of Mr. Supernova (aka Mr. Satellite) and his Television Title defenses. He's been the champ since April so he should have quite a high number of defenses by now, right?

Go tally them up and bask in the glory of how small that number is.

Now, take that number and consider that every TV Title match has a time limit of 15 minutes on it. Also remember that some of the matches ended before the 15 minute mark if Nova was actually able to beat whichever Donnie Damage or Sophia Sanchez he was fighting that night instead of retaining by time limit running out. Let's just give him the benefit of the doubt though and add a full 15 minutes for every title defense.

Multiply it all up and what's the grand total of minutes that Mr. Supernova has spent defending his title since April 26th?

Yeah I thought so. Fucking embarrassing. Why couldn't XWF have given a European Title shot to somebody who defends their title constantly instead of never? Why not give the shot to Peter Gilmour? In fact, after I step over Mr. SuperNoGo tonight I think I'm going to offer Peter Gilmour a shot at my title just for the fuck of it -- I deserve a fighting champion as my opponent! Pieces of worthless shit who got handed everything free like Mr. Supernova and Theo Pryce are not the type of champs I need to be in the presence of. Give me the guys who actually fight. Is Peter Gilmour seriously the only fighting champion in this place besides me? Everywhere I look, I see people running away from Peter like he's got the plague but they're just afraid of being squashed. Fucking cowardly roaches!

And there we have it -- what was intended to be a trash talk shoot against Mr. Supernova has instead turned into me praising Peter Gilmour and I'm not even in a match with him. Jesus, man, could Mr. Supernova matter any less? Next I'm going to be sitting here talking about John Black or some crazy shit. Fuck this.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Sorry guys; it's a No Go -Rp3
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