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Morbid Angel · (01-03-2014)

As we all know Morbid Angel to be a man of vicious anger…mostly to technology that he can’t understand. Most of the time its his cell phone. He has had many phones…so many in fact that his provider won’t even insure the phones he buys because he gets mad and the phone hit’s the wall….or car….or random person walking into or out of somewhere.

Point is that this bastard needs a phone!…for business…

Quite recently Morbid broke his phone at his house after getting a phone call from Shane

(See the Softer Side part 1) and now needs a new one…him being unaware of the cancellation of the PPV because of this caused him to actually go and get one.

This day and age there are a lot of different phones and mostly people get high end…does Morbid really need the best of the best or does he need something that just calls and answers? With so many choices how can one tell what is needed and what isn’t.

Morbid arrived at the local mall where there is almost 5 cell phone stores. 3 of which are Apple stores selling the I-Phone Products and all the others sell all brands including I-Phones.

Morbid-”I don’t understand this. This is one building and there are so many phone places and to top it off. They sell the same kinds of phones! Then there is the Apple store that sells apple phones as well as everyone else! WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT!”

Morbid walks into the first store he sees that sells the phones…just so happens to be the Apple store!
A nice store it is with everything so neat and spaced out. The employees look professional and Morbid….well being him…pushing through the groups of hipsters…you know! Those assholes that look homeless and are always knowing everything and being condescending….homeless beards and wearing tight pants and women’s shoes! Those hipsters! They look like trash and have nothing but can afford a expensive ass phone! That sure is delegating your wages properly!

Morbid finally makes it to the wall of phones….they all look pretty much the same other than color….they are the same! But the prices jump! Why?

Morbid grabs a $800 top of the line I-Phone and a low grade I-Phone priced at $400 and tries to figure out this change.

A man walks up behind him

Associate-” Can I help you with a phone today Sir?

Morbid-”Why does the price jump between these phone? They are the same phone!”

Associate-” well if you notice sir, the I-Phone 5S has more memory and can do a lot more including handle your entire rolodex and scan in business cards and already comes with many games and even some movies. Plus you get the warrantee free for a year and Netflix, Blockbuster online, 100 free I-tunes downloads and multiple applications you can download for free and in home service if needed plus expedited time when calling your provider.”

Morbid-”….and the cheap one?”

Associate-”it does everything the 5S does but doesn’t have Blockbuster online and has 10 gigabytes less memory than the 5S”

Morbid-”So it’s the same phone just cheaper?”

The associate looks a little frustrated with Morbid.

Associate-”They are very different. Notice the color and the memory”

Morbid-” I see the colors! They are very pretty colors…but why so much more? I mean I can paint my own phone”

The associate seems offended by the comment made by Morbid Angel

Associate-” Sir, you cannot paint the I-Phone! That is a breach of contract!”

Morbid picks up on his tone and steps toe to toe with the man!

Morbid-”I’ll Paint what I want! Mother Fucker! And how about I start by painting your face with my FIST!”

From the far side of the store Little Frodo Smackens pops his head up from behind a computer. Frodo being an avid Apple hater spends some of his free time uploading viruses to apple products throughout the stores and watches them crash.

Frodo looks up to the commotion by the phone section.

Frodo-”Holy monkey balls! that’s Morbid Angel!!!”

Frodo jumps from the chair and rush’s over to Morbid Angel who is in a full argument with the Associate.

Associate-” Sir you CANNOT do that with an I-Phone 5S! that’s all there is too it!”

Morbid-”IF I PAY FOR IT I CAN SHOVE IT UP A HORSES ASS IF I WANT!”

Frodo steps between the two. Morbid Angel looks down to see little Frodo Smackens looking up at him.

Morbid-”Holy shit! It’s Frodo Smackens!”

Frodo looks excited that Morbid Angel knows his name and smiles.

Morbid-”DON’T SMILE AT ME YOU FUCKING MIDGIT! I FUCKING HATE MIDGITS!”

Frodo jumps back a little and looks like he is ready for an attack!

Frodo-”Easy now big fella…eeeaaaassssyyyyy…”

Morbid un-amused looks at the sales man and holds up the I-Phone 5S in the palm of his hand…And closes his fingers around it…you can hear the sounds of cracking and you can see pieces fall from his fist as Morbid crushes the phone! The Sales man is stunned as most people have never seen a phone smashed in such a way. Morbid drops the phone on the floor and walks out!

Frodo follows him into the lobby of the mall where he stops him.

Frodo-”Whoa! Wait, wait, wait! I can Help you!”

Morbid pushes past Frodo as he heads for the escalator for the next shop.
Frodo wanting the attention of Morbid Angel leaps on his back and quickly climbs up near his face! Morbid starts swatting at him and finally grabbing his shirt and pulled him off holding him a foot above the ground to meet Morbid Angel’s eyes.

Morbid-”You are not a very wise little man! You should know when to take your leave!”

Frodo still suspended off the ground pleads with Morbid

Frodo-”Nigga, I got your phone shit. I’ll do it on the low low.”

Morbid gives Frodo a crazy look

Morbid-” you’re not going to try and suck my dick are you?”

Frodo flaps a hand at Morbid and says half suspicious

Frodo-”Pfft! No…not at all…..nope….”

Morbid looks at him for a moment before deciding to let him tag along and help with these phones!
Morbid keeps walking toward the escalator with Frodo still in hand.

Frodo-”Are you going to carry me all the way there?”

Morbid looks and starts to lower Frodo to the floor

Frodo-” So you have a match! I have a match! I have Hank Lane. What about you?”

Morbid looks a bit disappointed

Morbid-”Hulk Hogan! I mean…I was hoping for more…you know what I mean? he use to be this big icon and now he is just all…I don’t know how to put this…Lame? I mean he doesn’t talk to me and I keep offering him my hand of friendship so I can help him lose those old bitch tits and get some real muscles but he doesn’t listen! What kind of god would I be if I just let him walk through life thinking he was good and he really wasn’t? for Satan’s sake he was talking to me about vitamins! What does one say to that? Fuck you? Of course I take my vitamins! If I didn’t I would feel like shit even though they say now that vitamins aren’t really that good for you…actually can cause more harm than good! So what’s the point! He doesn’t want to talk to me and he thinks that I am just going to roll over! Roll over and take it! Well guess what! Morbid Angel never takes it! He’s going to take it! He is going to take it so hard!”

Frodo looks at Morbid

Frodo-” My Nigga, did you just say what I think you just said? That sounded bad.”

Morbid-”What do you mean?”

Frodo-”Sounded like you wanted to fuck his ass!”

Morbid-” where the fuck did you get that idea?! I never talked about his ass! See I can’t talk to anyone! You’re all DICKS!”

At this time Morbid and Frodo enter a store called Cell Phone City. This store is known for the best variety of phones and accessories. Frodo walks right over to a phone rep and talks low...too low for the cameras to hear and Morbid Angel didn’t care enough to pay attention. The rep walks into the back with Frodo following. Morbid walks around the store until Frodo pops from the back holding a box in his hands. He walks over to Morbid Angel and offers it to him as if it were a diamond! Morbid Snatches it from Frodo and Looks at it.
The Samsung Galaxy S5!

Frodo-” that phone isn’t even out yet and won’t be until July!”

Morbid Looks it over

Morbid-”How Much?”

The store rep looks at Morbid and speaks quietly

Representative-” $1000...but that’s only because its not suppose to be out yet and I am taking a big risk selling it TO you…you are paying for a risk I’m taking.

Morbid Looks over the phone and nods his head

Morbid-”Does it have……..Angry Birds!?”

Frodo and the sales rep look at each other with a confused look.

Representative-”Yes Sir it does.”

Morbid-”SOLD!….”

Frodo walks away as Morbid completes the transaction.

Morbid-”I also need one of those cheap I-Phones for my son….Kids like phones.”

The Rep looks at Morbid Angel and pulls an I-Phone out for him.

Representative-”What carrier is the plan for the I-Phone?”

Morbid-”Oh, I’m not getting it activated! Last thing I need to do is get him talking to people…they say Kids with cell phones turn out gay! I don’t need that shit right now! Just the Phone! No Service!”

Morbid Pays and turns to Frodo who stands with his hand out awaiting payment. Morbid hands Frodo the bags to hold while he reaches for some money…Frodo looks down at the bag and sees an I-Phone box!

Frodo-”You Bought an I-Phone?!”

Morbid-”for the boy, yes”

Frodo looks at the representative angrily

Frodo-”YOU SOLD AN I-PHONE!?”

Frodo drops the bad and lets out a scream as he attacks the store worker! Morbid looks at them and drops a $100.00 on the floor and collects him bags and walks out.

The Scene fades to a Blood Red!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Oh Cell Phone Where Art Thou!
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