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Archie Lawson · (12-08-2013)

People react to crisis in many different ways. Some let it get the best of them and fall beneath its wake, some let it empower them to the point where it almost pushes them to the brink of a superhero complex and some people; like me for instance, find it to be completely hysterical and unbelievable. Case in point as soon as I walked out of the bar and trekked about 20 paces to my car and on the way there, I felt the barrel of a gun pressed into my back as the words - "Give me your wallet!" were loudly whispered. Yeah, you heard right. Loudly whispered. That was one of the things that made this situation so God damn funny. How does a whisper, even when strained at its loudest octane...sound threatening? It just doesn't. Most vocal endeavors don't really strike fear into me to begin with, but whispering....no, that's not going to do the trick at all.

Next we have the fact that this is literally happening; outside, of the place I just encountered Luca Arzegotti in. If I didn't know what Luca sounded like, I would have almost thought this was him out her trying to rob me. Not for the money mind you, he just seems like a shithead who would enjoy doing something like this as a hobby. Maybe snort one too many lines of coke and think he's actually in Grand Theft Auto Five or something. Seriously, you'd have to be cracked out to think that actually was going on. But no, this wasn't Luca. Although, if it was, he definitely wouldn't be whispering. He'd more than likely be eating a sandwich laced with coke, while talking on the phone and the gun would be pointed at the back of my head. Yeah, that seems about right as the style of mugging that shit would pull. Still the moment the concept that it could be him, entertained my thoughts, it's also what made this situation....hysterical.

Lastly was just the action itself. What are the odds, right? I'm going to my car and I have this happen. I've never even seen a mugger outside of the movies. In my twenty three years alive, I have never once, encountered a sack of shit trying to steal something from me. Sure, I've had buddies have this happen and I always knew this type of crime existed in the world. I watch the news and I understand the scenario is possible and quite tragic, but never did it befall me. Now that it had, my reaction was probably the last thing this pathetic asshole expected. I started laughing. Not joking here. I laughed my ass off.

What are you doing you crazy asshole? I said give me your wallet, now!

Yeah, that just incited more laughter. I could be on the verge of getting shot and here I am, laughing. I can't explain it more than I already have except maybe add that perhaps....I lost it? Which would be a stretch, because I definitely didn't feel like I lost it. Yet here I was, being robbed and laughing about it. So go figure, right? Maybe, I had lost it....maybe, I never had 'it' to begin with? So many options to consider. Definitely not now though.

Man, you must be crazy. I have a gun and I'm not afraid to use it. It's pressed into your back and it probably will kill you. Now, I said give me your motherfucking wallet!

Laughter and a sigh. Yeah, I finally composed myself.

Are you serious?

Yeah, man. I'm serious. Are you serious? Laughing like a fucking nutcase and I got a gun pointed at you? This is happening and you're about to be dead or dying in a minute, if you don't surrender your wallet to me.

Wow. This is actually happening. Fucking....unbelievable.

I'm through messing around. This is your last chance before I blow you away. Give me your wallet. NOW!

Haha. Okay. Yeah, this isn't happening.

Wha...

This was the point my elbow shot back. A normal move that would have just sent the idiot back and probably, would have caused him to shoot me; maybe fatally...maybe not, but since he happened to be far shorter than I...my elbow cracked right into the perfect spot on his head and knocked him unconscious. Just knocked him clean out, like nothing. Really, yet another unbelievable moment in the river current of many that night. Then as the guy dropped like a sack of so many potatoes, I turned around to face my downed 'would be attacker'. Ski mask and all.

What a joke.

Cue the laugh track.

Better luck next time.

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