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Walter "Waldo" Wilcox · (12-01-2013)

Waldo's Mind
Have you ever been in love? Probably. 'I love tacos from taco bell' says someone who is an idiot. I bet you do. The flavor, customer service, toppings, the variety, the sauce, and the aftermath. When people say they love things like that, I can't help but think of them as what they really are, and that's an idiot.

Idiot alert!

There's a lot of those in the XWF. I made my point pretty clear when I was walking around like a frightened little kid. I lost matches, people looked at me strange, and I may have made a few enemies without even trying. People bought into this character because I played it with all my heart. Am I really a scared nerd? No. Of course not. Why would I, a good looking specimen such as I, be afraid of anyone or any thing? Exactly.

Idiots are everywhere. You know how it's said everyone has a purpose in life? I'm beginning to think my purpose, besides displaying good looks for the world to see and aspire to become, is to rid the world of stupidity. I'm not talking about book stupidity, either. Common sense stupidity. Basic knowledge stupidity. That just sounds right. It sounds relaxing.

Think about it. A XWF free of stupidity. Just think about it. How awesome would it be? Sure, we'd still have quite a few ugly people. That's a given. You can't fix stupid, and you can't make something ugly be pretty. Oh, I know what you're thinking.. sure you can! Surgery. That's a fake pretty. I'm talking pure natural beauty, such as I. No matter how many fists hit my face, I still walk out looking like a million dollars.

I'm not arrogant, I'm vain. The difference? I don't think I look good, I know it. People should know if they are good looking or not. They should know if they are stupid or not, and if they don't, I'm afraid they deserve to get hurt.

Back to being in love, though. Serious love. The love that goes beyond taco bell and fried chicken. It's the kind of love that goes beyond the 'Love Connection' show. It's deep. It's meaningful. And let's be honest, only good looking people can experience it. The ugly's can't experience it. It's not in their DNA.

Okay, I'll just say it and get the elephant out of the room since no one else wants to but everyone.. EVERYONE.. is thinking it.. and that is ugly people should either die or be placed on their own little island to do whatever it is ugly people do. They are sick sick people. They should have their own jail because they are guilty of hurting my eyes.

Seriously though, I think I'm in love and all the beautiful ladies are involved in the feelings I have. I'm thinking a great big party.

Scene
Waldo is going through a picture book with various pictures of him with his supposed girlfriend, Kaley Cuoco.

[Image: waldokaleybeach_zpsa8836395.jpg]

His personalized camera man, whose name is not yet known, is recording.

"I remember when we took this picture. She was rubbing suntan lotion on me, and I was doing the same to her. You know, getting that perfect body tan. You can't really improve perfection, but you can make it shine a little more. After we had finished, this professional photographer was taking random pictures of the beach... we know he was professional because the photograph looks great.. though it could be just us making it look great. Hmm. Anyways, we asked him to grab a photo of us and he did. Good memories.

She likes to play this joke on me quite often about calling the cops, or telling security to remove me. Heh. She loves to play games. I guess it's one of the reasons why I love her. Always keeping things interesting, fun, and adventurous. That's my lady.

Just then, his iphone vibrates and it's from Paul Heyman. It reveals that a new entry, who is a mystery, has been added to the gauntlet match this Monday. Waldo gives a big smile.

"Ooo. Check this out.

Waldo shows the text message to the camera, but it's a bit out of focus at first but it gets in focus.

"Can you see it? Got it? Got it?

The camera man shakes his head yes..

"Can you see it? Got it? Got it? Cool. Cool-Cool-Cool. Ever seen the television show Community? No? Great show. You should watch it. Hey! There should be a good looking XWF community.

The camera man points his finger at the cell phone to get Waldo back on track. He seems to get off on tangents.

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah, so there's a new "mystery" entrant in the match. It could be anyone, right? It could be one of the ugly people. Or... Or... it could be Kaley Cuoco! I bet it's her. I bet she's coming to surprise me and the entire XWF with her presence. Wow, wouldn't that be a sweet ratings match? Me.. Kaley Cuoco... Liz Hathaway... Jenna Silver... and Sarah Parsons. Talk about beating Warfare in ratings, or any Monday night show for that matter. I tell ya, that Paul Heyman guy is one intelligent man.

Kudos Paul, if you're watching this, but let's be honest here... everyone is watching this. It's the new video sensation. It's the new.... it's the new... plousey. New word, mark it. Plousey means the new sensation of something.

Plousey... it's a Waldo ™.

Waldo turns on the television and watches a few Big Bang Theory episodes. He decides to give his commentary throughout the shows but it's not important for you to hear all of that. If you're a fan of the show, you would probably be entertained by ordering his specialized commentary DVD which has yet to go on sale.

Following the episodes...

"It's been a day since I've seen her. Maybe we should go surprise her at home or something. Maybe we should wait until she surprises me in the gauntlet match? I guess I'll have to use the W-squared.

Waldo makes a "W" hand gesture per hand and puts them together to make two W's.

"W-squared. It stands for Waldo's Wisdom. A lot of you people out there can use some of it. I mean, it's nice to have during those moments of, you know, needing wisdom. I think the W-squared tells me to relax and wait for Kaley to surprise me on Monday's show.

The Narrator says, (in a James Earl Jones voice)
"Tyler always used his wit and knew how to use it. Knowing how to use anything is one of the most important parts of anything. Another term we could call it is application or apply. Waldo knew how to apply wisdom and not just share it.

Waldo has a look of being annoyed on his face. He starts to run his hand through his hair not looking pleased.

"There it is again. That stupid voice. Seriously, you don't hear it?

"What did it say?

"It says my name, and then stuff about my wisdom and wit. Seriously, no joke.. you don't hear the voice?

"No, Waldo. I really don't hear any voice.

"This is bullshit. You've been with me for, how long, like 6 months and you haven't heard it once?

"No.

"Deep voice. Narrating my life.

"No.

"I'm not going crazy. You're gonna hear it. Someone is going to hear it! I'm not going... well hello.

Waldo's attention quickly gets sidetracked from talking to his personal camera man about a narrator to seeing an XWF commercial on Adult Swim of all places featuring Liz Hathaway. She's got his eye. He bites his lip and then places his fist up to his mouth, biting his index finger.

"Power couple. I can feel it. She.. her.. that girl right there... is good looking. We have to get together. I'm pretty sure it's that destiny thing people are always talking about.

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