Reports have been pouring in all day to us here at Psycho Realm News regarding the most recently taped episode of "Who Wants a Slave?" Almost all of the reports indicate that the host of the show — the one and the only Jerry Springsprong — is the only man alive or dead who could have delivered such a breathtaking spectacle.
Known for his unorthodox hosting styles and even occasionally fighting guests and audience members...
![[Image: Tjg8prU.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/Tjg8prU.jpg)
...Jerry Springsprong has been raking in some of the highest ratings across all of existence and nonexistence combined; there was never any question that Jerry was the man for
this job. Never before in the history of "Who Wants a Slave" have the contestants battled so furiously with one another for the rights of ownership over one prize slave... but perhaps that is because
this particular prize was like no other before her.
[show fade in]
"That's correct ladies, gentlemen, aliens and robots..." Jerry adjusts his glasses as he walks down the aisle with his audience members eagerly waiting on pins and needles for his next words.
"Tonight we will see yet another group of randomly selected contestants compete for the ultimate prize. One of them will leave our show tonight with complete control over... (mutters to himself)I can't believe this one myself... ...the Egyptian Snow Pharaoh!" The audience members cheer, clap, whistle and bleep in excitement as none other than the Egyptian Snow Pharaoh herself walks out onto the set and heads toward a clear glass chamber off to the right.
"Welcome to the show, ESP! I can call you ESP, right? (puts his fingers up to the middle of his forehead and hums) ... According to my own ESP, the answer is yes." Jerry gets an overly generous reaction from his rather lame joke, but his fans are known for acting as though his word is the word of GOD; assuming of course this so called god was a comedian. Pharaoh ignores Jerry's ridiculous joking and simply enters the glass booth, expressionless. Jerry can see she's already getting in and sitting down so he says,
"If you'd be good enough to place yourself in that bullet, laser, and teleportation proof chamber and take a seat... thanks dear." Some of the fans murmur — bullet/laser/teleportation proof? That's new to all of them.
Jerry walks up the aisle and over toward the chamber as Pharaoh sits down on the chair inside of it. Jerry makes sure it's securely locked as he says,
"This is for your own safety because in the past we've had some... well... unusual things happen to our slaves." Jerry can't help but to let some laughter spill from his mouth as he tries to cover it. Many of the audience members laugh with him; they too remember some of the past "incidents" that shall not be named.
"And just to remind everyone; yes, ESP will still be able to hear us all and see everything that's happening. This is not meant to be a sound proof booth."
Jerry sits down in a chair a few feet away from Pharaoh and he looks her in the eye. He clears his throat and asks... the big question —
"So can you run it by me again why exactly you're here to be auctioned off like a piece of meat? As you know, the slave that's up for grabs... a k a you... has absolutely no say in which contestant is victorious tonight. These contestants are going to be individuals you've never met before and who have no regard for your safety. I'll tell you the same thing I tell every female slave we get on the show; have fun getting raped all day and all night for the rest of your life."
There is laughter from the audience but it's quickly interrupted by Pharaoh's response; the microphone she has clipped on her collar (yes she's wearing clothes–standard business casual today) carries her voice from within that clear chamber for all to hear.
"My reasons for being here could not possibly be understood by a level of intelligence as low as yours, Mr. Springsprong. You aren't even real, yet you question me?" Her tone is harsh and her eyes piercing as she continues,
"Your curiosity is not welcome and your opinion of my future irrelevant. On with the show, dog." Jerry backs away with one of his trademark expressions on his face.
![[Image: TZ6KmWN.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/TZ6KmWN.jpg)
"Yipes! I'm not even real? Did somebody get up on the wrong side of the... of the... pardon me Misses Mummy, what is it you sleep in again?" Classic Jerry Springsprong right here and the audience eats it up. They laugh at his poor attempt at humor and break out into a chant of his name. That's correct – they're chanting,
"Springsprong...Springsprong...Springsprong...Springsprong..." so loudly that nobody can hear what Egyptian Snow Pharaoh says next. One of the robots in the audience starts up a motion for a wave and within a few seconds the entire audience and Jerry Springsprong are doing the wave. The Springsprong chant is deafening at this point as Jerry leans in close to the camera and has to yell out his words...
"Don't go anywhere, folks and jokes! (shouting over the cheers and chants of the audience) A lineup of tonight's contestants should be scrolling up on the screen right now for those watching at home. Maybe one of them is your neighbor or babysitter; you just never know! It's a small reality after all! We'll be right back after this short commercial break," shouts Jerry as the names of our upcoming contestants scroll by. Who will be leaving here tonight with the Egyptian Snow Pharaoh? Find out in just a few moments when "Who Wants a Slave" continues.
Prepare to meet tonight's contestants when we return:
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