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Dr. Zero · (11-14-2013)

"Well Nathaniel…it all started when I began studying the legends of the Tibetan monks that allegedly aided the honorable Adolph Hitler,” Dr. Zero explained. Dr. Zero lifted one of the orange robes lying at the feet of one of the dead monks that was cold and motionless on a steel table. “You see, Mr. Idenhaus, I believed the connection between this cult and the Nazis to be mere conjecture at first. Just a bit of xenophobia trumped up by Western plebeians. A common symbol seemed to be all that connected them. The swastika that is on this robe can also, as you are very well aware you stylish gentleman, be found on the traditional Nazi uniform and various Hindu artifacts. It has even been spotted on pottery left over by the disgusting Native American peoples.”

Dr. Zero drops the robe back onto the table, leaving it in a bit of disarray. “Follow me, Mr. Idenhaus. I have something to show you. Try to brace yourself.” If a beak could smirk. “Surely,” Nazi thought, “whatever he has to show me couldn’t be any more disturbing than the sights so far.”

Dr. Zero led Nazi down several maze-like hallways and decided to go on quite the tangent, as is his nature. “Mr. Idenhaus, before we get to where we are going, I feel I would be quite remiss if I did not express my excitement in teaming with you this Saturday. I do feel it is an honor. I am no fool, however. I do understand that you see me as an inferior creature. A half-man, half-chicken beast. A crime against nature. Let me assure you though, Mr. Idenhaus…I am neither. Nay, good sir. I am neither man or chicken. I am Dr. Zero. A step beyond mankind. Evolution personified. I am a singularity if ever there was one. I am quite aware that that will not deter your view of me as a ‘freak’, but I felt you should be a bit more educated. I have no qualms with racism, Mr. Idenhaus, but ignorance is unforgivable.”

There was no hostility in the doctor’s voice. Nothing but soft undertones of understanding. Dr. Zero really did understand Nathaniel’s view of the ‘mongrels’. He shared those views for the most part. But, as Bill Hicks once said, “Hitler had the right idea, he was just an underachiever.” Dr. Zero could sense that Nathaniel had grander visions than the Fuhrer ever had, and he appreciated that.

The pair could hear screams growing louder and louder as they neared a room at the end of the hall. Dr. Zero could sense Nazi hesitate slightly. They pressed forward, and Dr. Zero bypassed the room altogether. There was no sign on the door. Nazi stopped momentarily to peer in.

Inside, he saw an Asian transvestite midget hanging upside down from a chain in the center of the room. Blood was running from his abdomen, down his chest, and off of his forehead where it swirled into a hole in the floor. A pair of Dr. Zero’s Minions were in the room as well. One held a knife that he was using to carve off chunks of the flailing man’s flesh. The other held a clipboard that he was chewing on. Nathaniel smiled to himself and followed the doctor farther.

“You see, Mr. Idenhaus, what I uncovered about the nature of the swastika was that, again, as I am sure you know, it is more than a symbol.”

They neared a door labeled simply, “DANGER: DO NOT ENTER!” A deep, pulsating noise was being emitted by something inside. To most, it would have made it feel as though the sound alone would crush your skull. Dr. Zero looked at Nazi. “Here it is, Nathaniel.” Nazi nodded. Dr. Zero turned and opened the door, ushering his Lethal Lottery partner in past him.

There was as a single obelisk standing in the middle of the room. It was approximately 8 feet tall and had 4 sides, each with it’s own swastika. It glowed a faint red that pulsed with the hammering sound.

“So what?” said Nazi. “What does this have to do with anything? How does this explain how you obtained Hitler’s brain? It’s a simple statue.”

“Haha! Not quite, sir! This is no simple statue at all. THIS…This is a portal to worlds…THIS is a portal to time itself. This is the key to galactic domination, Mr. Idenhaus. Observe.”

Dr. Zero reached deep into his pocket and retrieved the pyramid-like artifact he had received from Egyptian Snow Pharaoh’s ‘Masters’. He stretched his arms out to the obelisk.

“Imay amenay isay Octorday Erozay! Evealray ouryay ecretssay!” he shouted. The artifact glowed with a bright, white light and hovered toward the obelisk. It cracked open on one corner. A rush of air blasted Dr. Zero and Nazi. Nazi stared in amazement. The thing had opened a portal. The partners stepped through and found themselves on a brick walkway, gazing at another swirling portal, guarded by 4 robed men.
[Image: Portal.png]

“Welcome back, Mighty Liar,” they all said in unison. Dr. Zero laughed nervously and adjusted his collar. “Come and see,” he said to Nazi.

They made their way, cautiously, into the portal. Once on the other side, Nathaniel was surprised to be looking down from a cliff, watching another Dr. Zero approach a group of Nazis…Wait…No...These men were Asian…Maybe Middle-Eastern…Wearing the Nazi uniform! Were these the fabled Nazi Tibetan Death Monks?

They sat serenely around a giant, ornate and golden swastika all chanting. Purple smoke began to swirl around them, and the second Dr. Zero hesitated. “This happened a week ago,” the Dr. Zero standing next to Nathaniel told him. The smoke spiraled up and around the huge swastika.

It was at this time, that Nathaniel noticed a box hovering slightly above the structure. The smoke wrapped around it, and it burst open. An apparition…A specter of Hitler himself appeared above them all.

The monks fell back and began to bleed from their eyes. The ghost(?) of Hitler turned immediately toward Dr. Zero from the past.

“You,” Hitler addressed the feathered menace. “We meet again.”

Past Dr. Zero bowed to Hitler. “It is a pleasure, sir,” Hitler said, “but why do you come here now?”

“You hold the key, Adolph,” Dr. Zero II said. “The swastika. My studies show that there is more to it than we have been led to believe.”

Hitler laughed. “Of course, friend. I am almost insulted that you would think I used it for no reason. The swastika is a weapon of terrific power. The Allies believed they had developed the most terrifying weapon in history with the atomic bomb. They were wrong. I chose to allow them their delusion, however. The swastika is the world-breaker.”

“Who knew this?” Dr. Zero II asked.

“Only myself and the few of your former ilk who shared the knowledge with me,” declared Hitler.

Nathaniel looked at Dr. Zero and whispered, “What does he mean by ‘your former ilk’?”

Dr. Zero motioned back to the scene at hand.

“The time has not yet come for me to use the weapon, however. The time has not yet come for me to pass the Reich over. For you, though…As a ‘thank you’…I will grant you the key to utilizing the weapon yourself. With the promise, of course, that you hand it back when it is asked of you.”

“Of course,” said Dr. Zero II. “Have I ever betrayed you, Hitler?”

“Not once. You have always been my most trusted ally.”

With that, Hitler began to scatter into the ether. The purple cloud wrapped around the box floating above the swastika and lowered it to Dr. Zero II. He opened it, and found a brain. Hitler’s brain.

Was this the key to using the awesomely destructive powers of the swastika?

“Is Hitler’s brain the key to use the swastika!?” Nathaniel asked excitedly, not realizing what this narrator had just asked, himself. Nazi regained his composure. “What is going on? Who are you, really?”

Dr. Zero said nothing. He led him back through the portal and through all of the halls, back to the room that contained Hitler’s brain and the monks.

“I can use it, Nathaniel. The power is mine.”

“How…What…What does it do?” Nazi asked.

Dr. Zero walked up to Nazi. “He lied to me, Mr. Idenhaus. There is power in this room. Very destructive power. Using this,” he pointed to the contraptions that the monks and Hitler’s brain were connected to, “… one can destroy most life in the galaxy. But true power...The real key to galactic domination, Mr. Idenaus…Is here.” Dr. Zero jabbed a finger in Nazi’s chest.

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