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Dr. Zero · (11-14-2013)

Dear Diary,

Me no know how long me been here. Feel like year but could be day or two. Me not sure how got here. Me no know who me am. Master say, “You am Number 853. You am work here. You am have no food unless talk to scary mask lady. Must work for chicken-man if want food.”

Me do want food. Me not know much, but me know pizza am good. Yesterday, Master Chicken-Man say, “Number 853, you am to go with Number 18 and am to go with Number 95 to bring me back cute and nice puppies from Cute and Nice Puppy With No Home Store. Me am mean and evil Master Chicken-Man and me need to cook cute and nice puppy or make mean and scary puppy monster.” Me no remember it all.

Me and Number 19 and Number 95 go to Cute and Nice Puppy With No Home Store and we knock on door. Woman open door. She walk out and have cute and nice puppy in arms. It lick woman face. I laugh at this. Woman scream and she run fast and away. We all walk in. We say, “Hello. We are men who are work for Master Chicken-Man. You are to give us up all of your cute and nice puppies for food or to make scary puppy monster with.”

They no understand. We grunt to them, me think. They scream. I look like Number 18 and Number 18 look like Number 95. We no look like Rose Smith, though, so why they scream, me no know.

Minions at Cute and Nice Puppy With No Home Store all run far and away out of door. One lady she do not do this. She fall down like is dead. Cute and nice puppies bark and try bite us. Number 18 get bit and bleed the pink blood. Me and Number 18 and Number 95 fill our arms with cute and nice puppies for Master Chicken-Man. Master Chicken-Man may cook cute and nice puppies or make mean and scary puppy monster.

Master Chicken-Man probably make mean and scary puppy monster. Master Chicken-Man do things like that more than cook.

Policemans ran at us when we were outside of Cute and Nice Puppy With No Home Store and said, “Hello! We are policemans! You stop and put down cute and nice puppies!”

We told policemans Master Chicken-Man was master of Parts Unknown did not listen because they could not understand. Number 18 used portal box and policemans shot him. He made pink poof and Number 95 and me jumped into portal box with armful of cute and nice puppies.

Portal box takes us to Master Chicken-Man’s home. He looks at us and he says, “Look! It is Number 853 and Number 95! They are here with cute and nice puppies for mean and scary puppy monster! With mean and scary puppy monster, I will take over the world!”

Master Chicken-Man did not care that Number 18 was died.

Master Chicken-Man made mean and scary puppy monster by putting cute and nice puppies in big bowl and putting pink goo all over them and laughing. Mean and scary puppy monster climbed out of bowl and it still had cute and nice puppy heads all over it’s body but they were not cute and nice anymore. They were mean and scary.

Master Chicken-Man then say, “Today is birthday for Number 37. Let us all say happy birthday!” He take us all to place for saying things.

Master Chicken-Man stand on stage and say, “Today is birthday…,” he say all again and we say, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Master Chicken-Man make Number 37 come on stage. Master Chicken-Man shoot him. Master Chicken-Man laugh and say, “This day not for Number 37. This day for Master Chicken-Man. Master Chicken-Man make mean and scary puppy monster and world is mine. Master Chicken-Man can blow up Sun any time Master Chicken-Man want to so what make people like Steve Davids and Wyatt Reynolds think they can stop Master Chicken-Man? Master Chicken-Man is master of world and other worlds and will be master of more worlds. Master Chicken-Man is happy to have Nazi on his team this week. He will come visit Minions and Master Chicken-Man this week and whole place must be clean and have no dirt because Nazi does not like dirt on anything. Also Minions, stay out of Room X-32. Is special room and you cannot go there. Do not forget that Minion Number 853 is greatest Minion.” He says all of that I promise.

Master Chicken-Man tells us no forget big scary horned thing may come for boy again, but he cannot have boy because boy is his and with no boy, no work and no pizza. Whole job is bullshit sometimes. Big scary horned thing is big and scary and almost not worth pizza.

Master Chicken-Man ends whole speech by says, “You all do great jobs and Master Chicken-Man could no do things without you. Friday is casual day so wear casual grey uniform that look like every other uniform and do not forget Number 853 is best looking Minion and smells like something that smells great. All Minions thank him for being special and bringing cute and nice puppies for mean scary puppy monster.” He give me Pog with Magneto on it.

Sometimes job not so bad.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The Diary of Minion Number 853
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