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Dr. Zero · (11-05-2013)

Dr. Zero's lab shook violently. The doctor took a step back from the giant containment unit, gazing at it with curiosity. The Minions weren't quite as curious. The room shook again, this time enough to topple several of his beakers. A booming roar filled the room, and the containment unit cracked.

The Minions scattered in fear. Dr. Zero was alone.

He clenched his fists.

All went quiet for a moment. It was clearly the calm before the sto...

*BOOM*

The containment unit burst open, as pink sludge spilled out of the bottom. Out stepped a monstrous figure. Standing at approximately 12 feet tall, and weighing enough to make the ground shake when it walked. The thing was part shark, part man, and part tiger. The Minions had decided it should be called "Tiger-Shark", because as this narrator has pointed out in the past, they aren't a clever lot.

Tiger-Shark lurched forward to meet Dr. Zero who anxiously awaited him. It bent forward, glaring in his eyes, before letting out another feral roar. Dr. Zero noted the fishy smell of it's breath, and seemed unfazed.

Tiger-Shark howled again, and this time it was met with a slap on the nose with Dr. Zero's clipboard. It staggered backwards and whimpered. The thing regrouped and made another advance. It stood a few feet away from the doctor and slashed at him with it's razor-sharp claws. Dr. Zero ducked the claw, and hurled the clipboard at the giant's knee.

*CRACK*

It fell to one knee, exposing one of it's arms. Dr. Zero seized the opportunity by running up the arm and leaping behind the Tiger-Shark. He wrapped his arms around it's neck, and shouted into his intercom.

"NURSE X! BRING ME MONSTER SERUM IV!"

The thing twisted and shook in an erratic manner, attempting to free itself of the doctor's grasp. Dr. Zero held on, not unlike a man at a rodeo. Nurse X entered the room quickly and ran with no hesitation. She tossed a jet injector to Dr. Zero.

The monster swiped in a blind attempt at either catching it or knocking it from the air, but the injector found itself in Dr. Zero's hand. He immediately used it to shoot the serum into it's neck.

In less than 5 seconds, Tiger-Shark ceased wrecking Dr. Zero's lab, and stood up straight. He seemed peaceful.

"Nurse X. Extractor, please," Dr. Zero said, stretching a hand toward Nurse X. The object she handed him can only be described by this uneducated narrator as a high-tech vacuum with a needle.

"Tiger-Shark, kneel," he ordered the beast. It complied with dead-eyes. Dr. Zero pierced the monster in the arm, and Nurse X flipped a switch on the machine. The extractor hummed loudly for a moment, then shut off. Dr. Zero removed the needle.

"Reverse the extractor, Nurse X. Then have Numbers 3 and 96 bring me the subject."

Nurse X flipped a switch on the extractor, making it the injector. After shouting a few unintelligible commands, the two Minions entered the lab, hesitantly, with a very calm dog. They had it attached to a stiff steel rod by a state-of-the-art collar. It became frightened when it entered the room. By either Dr. Zero, Nurse X, or Tiger-Shark, however, is anybody's guess. It peed on the floor. Dr. Zero ignored the offense.

Dr. Zero approached it and injected it with the injector. The dog's eyes turned a dull yellow and it foamed at the mouth. Some of it's hair fell out and it's spine began to protrude in places. It lunged at Number 96, tearing off a finger and scarfing it down.

Dr. Zero would have smiled if his beak would allow it. Instead, he commanded Tiger-Shark.

"Fix it."

Tiger-Shark pounced on the dog and ate it in one gulp. The Minions darted from the room once again.

Dr. Zero walked all around the scene, making mental notes of every detail.

"Nurse X, take the extractor and store the contents in my office." She did as she was told.

"Computer, record and prepare to send," he said. A red light began to flash in the corner of his laboratory. He paced around the domesticated Tiger-Shark.

"Hello, Mr. Davids. I hope this message finds you well. I would like to inform you that I have decided that I will indeed help you tame the beast that resides inside. I would like you to notice the carnage in my laboratory that was caused by this monster."

The camera scans the room as the Overlord of Parts Unknown continues to pace in circles around Tiger-Shark.

"This abomination before you, has now found peace, thanks to me." Dr. Zero stops in front of the creature. "Prior to my help, he could only communicate in roars and violence. Not completely unlike yourself, Mr. Davids. I jest. Tiger-Shark, who is responsible for your nirvana as of the present time?"

The thing makes a low growl before saying, "Bu...Buddha...Doctor Ze...Doctor Zero...Kurt Co...baaaaaiiiiiinnnnnn."

"Hmm...I am not entirely sure who that last fellow is, but I'll accept any answer. You see, Mr. Davids, you can be helped. Of course, this beast was a lesser monster than yourself, no doubt. But with my formula that I have devised using him, you should be well on your way to recovery. My Minions shall be sending you the product at once. I hope the rest of this day finds you well. Cheerio, good sir."

Dr. Zero waves the camera off and leaves to go to his office. Upon entering his office, he spotted the extractor in the corner and two jet injectors on his large, oak desk. Neither were labeled. He pressed a button on the desk, and it chirped.

"Nurse X, please return to my office."

Within moments, she was there. Her hands, inexplicably covered in blood.

"Nurse X, I hate to bother you with this, but which is which?" Dr. Zero asked her.

She pointed to one on the left. "Thuh uh thuh uhn tuh muh muhnstuhs." Her hand moved to the one on the right. "Thuh uh thuh uhn tuh muh muhnstuhs suf."

"Hmm...I see. This one, on the left is the concoction to make the monsters and the other is the sedation tool? I got that right?"

"Yuh, suh," she said.

"Thank you, Nurse X. Please do not forget to label them in the future."

Nurse X hung her head and excused herself. Dr. Zero retrieved two boxes from under his desk. One was labeled with Steve Davids' shipping address. The doctor deviously placed the jet injector on the left in the box (cue dramatic "dum dum DUMMMMM) and sealed it.

The other box was labeled "Mystica" and had a glove inside. On the inside of the gloves were several wires, and there was a small pocket close to the edge. Dr. Zero injected the glove with monster sedation formula.

"With this, I shall neuter the beast that resides in Mystica, while at the same time encouraging Steve Davids to be even more ruthless than ever and treating JTC like the third-string lack of a threat that he is! The victory on Wednesday shall be a glorious one!" he shouted to absolutely no one as lightning crashed ominously outside.

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