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Wyatt Reynolds · **11-05-2013, 12:33 PM**

I find myself in a back room at the courthouse in Birmin'ham, Alabama. The greatest state in the nation. I'm surrounded by my legal council on this glorious afternoon. The federal government has it set in their collective minds that I have perpetrated some dastardly things. Things like murder and plannin' a bombin' of a mosque in Dearborn, Michigan.

To tell y'all the truth, if Muslims are to die, I'd expect a bombin' to be right up their alley. However, as I have already stated in front of the world on that NBC interview with that nigga journalist, these allegations are completely and unequivocally unfounded and untrue.

Angela Ashlands attempt to paint me as a man full of blind hate without any kind of remorse is not only unsettlin' but also completely and utterly false. They wanted somethin' to spike their ratin's and I gave them exactly that. How many times can you turn on the evenin' news and see a man with a knife to another mans throat live on national television? I'll give you that answer, ladies and gentlemen – one.

I never had any intention of harming the nigga or her Jew producer. They didn't know that. Hell, if I had accidentally slipped and cut that mans throat, I would not have felt bad. One less Jew. Less Zyklon B expelled by Mr. Idenhaus on his path to world domination. One less selfish disgrace to the white race that need be extinguished.

I should have.

Had the cameras cut before releasin' that mongrel, I would have. Just like a coward, he ran like the wind when things got tough. It was not to be though and God will surely punish me for defyin' his will. Another day, Mr. Seth Goldman, Jew producer for that nigga journalist on NBC. Another day.

I sit here, calm as usual, within this box they call an office, awaitin' my plea hearin' in front of the honorable Judge Baxter right here in the great state of Alabama. My lead attorney, Gerald Kraus, sits in front of me askin' me silly questions.

+++++Gerald Kraus – The Attorney+++++

Wyatt, during all these conversations we've had, and we've had quite a few, you have never answered the one important question.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Mr. Kraus, what question is that?

+++++Gerald Kraus – The Attorney+++++

Are you, or are you not guilty of these charges? Wyatt, I need to know! How can I possibly defend you to the best of my ability if you withhold important information?

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Mr. Kraus, forgive me. My extensive knowledge of the law prevents me from answerin' this question. I know, Mr. Kraus, that if I sit here and admit guilt, admit my role in these events, then you can't possibly go in front of Judge Baxter and claim innocence on my behalf.

That, for the record, is not an admission of guilt. I just prefer to stay silent on the matter, good sir.

+++++Gerald Kraus – The Attorney+++++

God damn it, Wyatt! How can I defend you if you won't even tell me the truth!? Jesus Christ! You're fuckin' guilty! We all know it!

Mr. Kraus made the mistake of leanin' toward me as he used the Lords name in vain. Added to that, he used His only begotten sons name in vain too. Anyone that knows Wyatt Reynolds, knows you just don't do such a thing.

Using those words in that manner angers me greatly, I show this by grabbin' my esteemed attorney by the knot in his tie and pull him toward me so he has no choice but to look me in the eyes. Others in the room try to interfere but are powerless to stop me. I'm too strong willed by the grace of God himself for them to pry my hands off this little man.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

How does it feel, Mr. Kraus, to accuse me of guilt when my hands are ever so close to your throat?

Just as I suspected in my moment of clarity just before this little outburst, the scrawny little attorney man says absolutely nothin'.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Mr. Kraus, I would like for you to know just who you are dealin' with here. Look into my eyes, son. Tell me. Do you see a killer? Do you see a man that gives a shit about anythin' you have to say? Do you see yourself livin' passed the next two minutes?

Tell me, Gerald. Do you still think I'm guilty?

Mr. Gerald Kraus doesn't respond verbally. He emphatically shakes his head with a negative response. I immediately release the man from my grasp and his two assistants tend to him. I remain standin' and ready to go to court.

I smile a big smile, flashin' my pearly whites.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

I guess that settles it then. Come on, gentlemen. Let's go to court.

It's a short walk down the hall to the elevators that will take us to the fourth floor. We all step in together and I'm completely baffled as my attorney and his two aids stand as far away from me as they possibly can in this confined space.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Y'all act as if I farted in church or somethin'. What's wrong?

It is only just then that I catch a very peculiar scent.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Mr. Kraus, did you relieve yourself in your slacks?

I look over at Mr. Kraus and down at his pant leg below the crotch.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Your weakness sickens me, Mr. Kraus. Perhaps I made a slight lapse in judgment in hirin' you on.

The elevator comes to a stop and we file out. Kraus and his men follow me a few paces behind. I have no idea why they are actin' this way.

We enter the courtroom and I sit in the defendants chair. My law team sits beside me. Seconds later, the bailiff catches my attention with her stunnin' beauty as she nears the center of the judges bench. I am a married man, but what I wouldn't give for just one night alone with her heavenly body.

+++++Bailiff – With That Heavenly Body+++++

All rise for the honorable Judge Lawrence J. Baxter!

Such force behind those words, and from such a small, beautiful woman. I must have her.

Judge Baxter enters the courtroom and takes his rightful place upon his bench.

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated.

The man sips his water before continuin' on with the proceedin's.

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

Will the defendant please rise?

I'd be happy to.

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

This is nothin' more than a plea hearin'. In the case of the United States versus one Wyatt Anderson Reynolds of Birmin'ham, Alabama. Mr. Reynolds, on the charge of conspiracy to commit murder in the first degree, how to you plead?

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Before I get to that your honor, I'd like to take this opportunity to inform my legal team that their assistance is no longer required.

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

Mr. Reynolds, this is mighty late in the game to be switchin' up your defense team.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Your honor, I admire your concern for my well bein'. Its come to my attention durin' a recent conversation that these men believe me to be guilty when I have never said or done anythin' to give them that inclination. My rights as an American citizen, your honor, are bein' impeded by these men by denyin' me the right to a fair trial.

Your honor, I just can not allow them to defend me in your court room with their preconceived notion that I am guilty.

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

Mr. Reynolds, you understand the charges levied against you?

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

No, your honor. I do not. These charges against me are completely untrue and the evidence is largely circumstantial and misleadin' to the American public.

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

Mr. Reynolds, this is not the trial. You'll have an opportunity to allow your new defense team to defend you properly with a jury present.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

I apologize for my outburst, your honor.

I'd like it to be known to the court that I choose to represent myself and I request a continuance so that I can properly prepare myself for my own defense.

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

This is a highly unusual set of circumstances, Mr. Reynolds. However, lookin' over your file here I notice you have a law degree from the University of Alabama.

Pending a psychiatric evaluation, I will allow you to represent yourself.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Excuse me your honor, a psychiatric evaluation?

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

Yes, Mr. Reynolds. Alabama state law requires that any man or woman that wishes to represent themselves in a court of law, must first undergo an evaluation by a court approved doctor. Any objection to this?

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

No, your honor. I'd be happy to please the court.

+++++Lawrence J. Baxter – The Judge+++++

Very well then. Mr. Reynolds, you are to report to Doctor Erin Winston's office just east of my courtroom by tomorrow at noon to begin your evaluation.

This plea hearin' is rescheduled for one month from today.

Court dismissed.

Most everybody stands up and begins to file out. My former law team remains huddled in discussion. I lean down in an effort to keep what I'm about to say, quiet.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Gentlemen, I appreciate all of your help in getting' me to where I am right now. A couple of sessions with Dr. Winston, and I'll be a free man.

I notice the young bailiff woman hangin' around inside the courtroom.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Y'all know I'm guilty as sin. Problem is, none of you can say a damn thing about it.

I begin to walk toward the young bailiff when my former attorney grabs my wrist, stoppin' me from my intended goal.

+++++Gerald Kraus – The Attorney+++++

Your attorney, client privilege ended the moment you fired my firm.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Who said anythin' about attorney, client privilege? Y'all know what I'm capable of. You take what I just said to your graves, gentlemen, and have a nice life. If you speak out on this, then with God as my witness, y'all will find your graves much, much sooner than you were supposed to.

As expected, Mr. Kraus releases my wrist and I continue over to the bailiff.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Excuse me ma'am. I couldn't stop myself from admirin' your obvious beauty.

I pull a card from inside my jacket and hand it to her.

+++++Wyatt Anderson Reynolds+++++

Give me a call sometime. I'll make it worth your while.

Without waitin' for a response, I begin to leave the courtroom behind me. As I near the door, I turn my head once to look back at the bailiff. She isn't lookin' at me, but she is lookin' at the card I gave her. She looks up at me, then around the courtroom to make sure no one is watchin' before stickin' the card in the pants pocket of her uniform.

Now the work truly begins.

I've successfully fired my law team, as planned. I'm ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluation, as planned. I now represent myself, as planned. I will never stand trial, just as I planned.

They say that a man that represents himself in court has a fool for a client. There is an exception to every rule. Most clients aren't Wyatt Anderson Reynolds.

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