-Early in the drive to Vegas, after everyone gets settled in Kevin's Escalade-


Jonah: So how much did this set you back Kevin?


Kevin: We don't go back nigga! We move forward! Always!


Payne: I think I meant how much money did the Escalade cost you?


Kevin: Hell if I know, I'm so rich bitch , if I want something I buy it.


Payne: Too bad you can't buy height.


Zach: Haha burn!


Kevin: No! No burn! Damn it you guys, you know I'm sensitive about my height!...


Jonah: Sorry Kevin.


Payne: I'm not sorry. Learn to take a joke.


Kevin: Like Joy learned how to take someone else's dick! AHHH!!!


Jonah: Ouch!


Zach: Hahahaha. It's funny cause she's a whore.


Payne: Nah, I'm cool with it. I'm over Joy.


Kevin: Kind of like how someone is over her right now. Just sticking it to her every hour on the hour. And her just receiving the dick constantly. With you being the last thing on her mind. That doesn't bother you at all?


-Hunter takes an angry deep breath-



Payne: Nope.


Kevin: Well your a better man than I. Man that shit would infuriate me.


Jonah: Yeah. Just thinking about my ex pisses me off. I can't imagine her being with an old friend of mine. Them sneaking off to fuck behind my back.



Zach: Haha yeah, Joy just taking loads in to her face before meeting up with Hunter...


Payne: Alright!!! That's enough! I get it!


Kevin: Calm down, Kev's here now baby! By the end of this trip you will be completely over Joy.


Payne: Yeah, you're right. This trip should be fun.


Jonah: Besides it's not like you got anything to look forward to. What a wrestling match?


Payne: A big wrestling match actually.


Zach: Yeah, you got that 4 on 4 tag match for the first round of that Lethal Lottery tournament.


Payne: Damn Zach how do you know so much about it?


Zach: I'm a fan of the show.


Payne: Oh wow.


Jonah: So who are you wrestling?


Payne: smok...


Zach: Smokeman's team. Consisting of Smokeman, Eli James the fourth, Shawn Steele, and Kimmy-K.


Payne: Damn. Zach are you like my biggest fan?


Zach: No... Eli James the fourth's biggest fan!


Payne: What?!


Zach: I admire his beard.


Jonah: Wait, Smokeman?


Kevin: Nah, I'm cool. Unless it's the kush?


-Kevin going in and out of the conversation, confuses the wrestler smokeman with the question "Hey you want a smoke man?" But who hasn't-


Payne: He seems like a cool guy, he just thinks I'm a pushover because of my well documented string of bad luck lately.


Zach: He means Joy cheating on him.


Payne: Thanks Zach for filling in the blank there, as if they didn't know what I was talking about.


Zach: And you getting kicked out of The Brotherhood.


Payne: And there is that, but at any rate, how dare this man of smoke talk to me about my career when his big claim to fame was him stabbing a guy with a box cutter, oh and there's that one time he.... wait, no that's it.


Jonah: And who is this Eli James?


Kevin: That was a good ass movie, The Book of Eli.


-It was obvious Kevin still wasn't really paying much attention-


Zach: Only the best wrestler in the company.


Payne: Fuck you Zach! Eli James is a cult leading, Mormon, Amish man. With a wicked beard as Zach mentioned.


Zach: He's awesome, he's won..


Payne: Hey! Hey! Shut the fuck up Zach! This isn't kiss Eli's ass hour.


Jonah: And who is that other guy?


Zach: Shawn Steele? I saw him rip a cage door off its hinges once!


Payne: He was one of the guys who jumped me out of the brotherhood.


Kevin: Jumped??!!!

EEEEERRRRR!!!!!

- Kevin pumps the breaks in the middle of a highway, nearly causing an accident. Now we got his full attention-


Kevin: Nah, fuck that! Nobody jumps somebody from my crew! I'll go shoot this nigga TONIGHT! ARF!!! ARF!!! ARF!!!


-Why is he barking?-


Kevin: "All day! Every day! Just me! Two guns! One bullet! In the face! Fall asleep! Wake up! Go back to sleep! You ready to go night night nigga?! We all ready to go night night!"


-Oh my! Kevin is getting hyped up now! Or having a seizure? It's hard to tell-


Payne: Calm down Kev!


Kevin: Nah man fuck that bitch! You don't fuck with Kevin and his HartBeats!


Jonah: I'm sorry, Heartbeats?




Kevin: Yes that's my crew name! Kevin and the motherfuckin' Hartbeats. Say somethin Jonah! And see if I don't shoot you in the face too!



-Jonah, being scared of black people, nearly shits himself-



Jonah: No no no, I like the heartbeats.



Zach: I like the wolfpack.



Kevin: NO! Fuck Jonah and fuck the Wolfpack! We are the Hartbeats! Hartbeats damn it! I didn't trademark that name for nothing!



Payne: Yeah, whatever, back to my opponents, then there's is...


-Hunter looks up like he's daydreaming, and bites his lower lip for a second. While the other 3 guys just stare at him biting his lower lip in a car full of men. It's an awkward moment-


Payne: ...Kimmy-K.


Kevin: That's a chick right? Because that was the gayest gesture I've seen today, and I was in San Francisco with Jonah today! AHHHH!!!


-Kevin referring to history and still laughing like a fucking person that never developed a voice box. Jonah ignores the insult-


Jonah: Hey do you have a thing for this Kimmy?



Payne: ... Uhhh well...


Kevin: AHH! Hunter you sly mothafucka. Here I thought you were...... HARTBROKEN... TRADEMARK BITCHES!


-Why would he just yell out 'trademark bitches'? -


Jonah: Nah, not our boy Hunter here. He's already off the rebound.


Payne: No I'm not. She was just there for me. We are opponents and I plan on beating her!


Kevin: More like beating off to her! AHHHH!!!!



Payne: It's not even like that... I mean I would... But this chick has issues.


Jonah: Well didn't Joy have issues too?


Payne: Yes but Kimmy has has different issues.


Jonah: All women have issues.


Kevin: Is that why you stick to men?! AHHH!!!


-Jonah, get pouty about Kevin's 137th Jonah's gay remark today-



Payne: No it's different issues of crazy. See Joy is the crazy that calls the cops when she's mad at you and uses the "He beat me" excuse. Kimmy is the Misery type of crazy. Like her alter ego will tie me up to a bed and break my ankle so I can't escape.


Jonah: Scary shit.


Zach: Haha been there, done that.


-All 3 men look at Zach with a 'what did you say' face. But he doesn't follow up with anything more, so the conversation continues-



Payne: Which would be fine, I dig crazy chicks, I just think... I think she's a virgin...


Kevin: Oh! The V word! Well then you just got to get her and look deep into her eyes and say...

"You gonna learn today! You gonna learn what a LONG DICK look like today!"


Payne: Funny.


Jonah: And it's okay to lie about it that one time, because she has never seen a dick before, so she has nothing to compare it to.



Kevin: AHHH!!! Good one! Then when she gets all clingy like virgin's do, you just say,


"Shut up bitch! Alright!! Alright!! Alllrighhtttt!!!"



Payne: I can't do anything with Kimmy. She is too innocent.



Kevin: Ima let you in on a little secret Hunt. The 'innocent good girls' they are the freaks in the bedroom. Real talk.




Payne: I just don't want to ruin the friendship.


Kevin: WHAT?! Do you even realize how much of a little bitch you sound like right now?!


Jonah: Yeah, a little bitch Hunter.


Kevin: You gotta man up!



Jonah: Yeah, man up!



Kevin: Man the fuck up nigga!


Jonah, Yeah, man the fuck up....... uhh man!



-We wait and see Jonah has been playing copycat, but omitted the N-word-



Payne: You're right! Fuck Vegas. I gotta get me some Kimmy.


Kevin: Woah, Woah, Wait a minute... You can't just ditch your friends... and Jonah, just because you wanna hit some virgin tail. Man, first we go to Vegas and give you a minute just to think about your future relationship... while a stripper's big ass is in yo face. Alright!!! Alright!!! Allr...


Jonah: Kevin's right, You gotta test the water's first, just try a little here and a litt...


Kevin: Jonah you bitch! Don't you ever interrupt me during my punchlines! Now where was I? Oh yeah... Allright!!! Allright!!! Allllrighhtttt!!!!


Payne: I guess that makes sense.


Zach: Hey guys I have to pee.


Kevin: Well we got about 8 more hours till Vegas, so hold it.


Payne: No, he's not holding his pee in for 8 hours.


-Hunter throws an empty soda bottle at Zach-



Kevin: OH FUCK NO! NOT IN MY NEW CAR DAMN IT! Do you know how much I paid for this ride?!


Payne: You don't even know how much you paid for this ride!


Kevin: That's not the point!


Jonah: And I have to eat, my blood sugar is pretty low. We should just make a quick stop.


Kevin: Jonah can't your fatass go a few hours without food?


Payne: Apparently not, but I do agree we should make a quick stop in San Diego. I gotta pick up a check from my company, before I can blow it in Vegas.


Kevin: Why? Why didn't you say this before Hunt? You know I hate unscheduled stops!


Payne: I thought you would take it better as a surprise. Well we won't have to stop Kev, if you got my part of the bill for the trip covered?


Kevin: Well I would butttt....


"The way my bank account is set up, I have a checkings AND a savings... and all my money is in my savings... and"


Payne: It's fine Kev, just let's take a little break at the show I'm competing at. Zach can pee, Jonah can eat, and you can... chill I guess. Shouldn't take more than an hour. I'll kick some ass, advance in the tournament, collect my paycheck, then we're back on the road.


Kevin: I don't know...


Payne: There are some fine ass honeys over there...


-Without hesitation-


Kevin: Ok I'm in.


-Jonah in the corniest white imitation ever-


Jonah: Alright Alright Alrighty!


Kevin: No Jonah! You can't copy me! Hunter hold the wheel while I smack this bitch in the face!


- It seems the road trip has hit a small speed bump on the way to Vegas, as the guys will now stop at the War Room, so Hunter can help his team (not like they need it) to advance to the 2nd round of the Lethal Lottery tournament. Then with any luck, the Road Trip to Vegas will continue -