We open up to the special North Korean Championship edition of "Shove It" Saturday Night, which has been appropriately dubbed SHOVE IT UNDERGROUND.
We're taken to a rather dark location... possibly some kind of arena... and there's a standard ring set up in the middle. Fans are being guided in and are being allowed to remove their blindfolds as they enter. Only a select number of fans have been allowed to attend this evening's festivities due to the fact that they had to be transported here anonymously in order to keep the location a secret. All XWF stars participating in tonight's event have also been blindfolded when relocated to this area.
Here is what one fan had to say before allowed into the actual arena deep within this underground city...
When I heard we weren't going to be allowed to see where we were being taken to, I was a little hesitant. When I heard Shane 
and North Korean War Criminal would be the ones in charge of our transportation to this event, I was even more hesitant. To be honest... I actually don't know why I'm here. I thought I sent my ticket in for a refund but I woke up in the back of some vehicle with this blindfold over my eyes. What's going on?
As you can see, all the fans are ecstatic to be here tonight and cannot wait for the action to "unfold" ... Let the fun begin!
Next, we're shown some footage that took place just a few minutes before the show began...
We fade into what would normally be a backstage area but tonight seems to be the inside of a cave... and we're moving down the cave toward Angelus who is sitting cross-legged up on some unmarked, metal chests. His eyes are closed and he's rolling his neck trying to get loose.
We see the XWF intern that Angelus barked at when he was trying to locate
shortly after last Impact went off the air. He approaches timidly --
INTERN: Mister... mister Angelus, sir?
Anj cracks one eye and see the intern, a small, wiry kid, nervously trying to figure out where to place his hands.
ANGELUS: You gonna say something, or just stand there with your mouth open?
INTERN: I -- Uh, well. Mr.
has requested your presence in his office.
Both of Anj's eyes open now.
ANGELUS: He what?!
INTERN: Yes, but -- but before you go I've been told to inform you that if you strike or harm Mr.
in anyway during this meeting you'll automatically forfeit your X-treme championship belt.
ANGELUS: (Muttering) ... that little snake.
Anj hops off the storage cabinet and follows the intern. We CUT TO --
Shane
's office...
The lights are dim. Furniture is sparse. Bats can be heard flying above their heads.
sits at his desk, chair eased back, enjoying a mixed drink.
Anj steps into the room, shuts the door quietly behind him. The two stare each other down. Neither saying a word.
: Have a seat.
ANGELUS: I'll stand.
nods, smirks, takes a sip.
: You know, you and I never really got off on the right foot. That's a shame.
Anj doesn't respond, just stares coldly at
.
: You'd think after last Impact and then the events of the last Saturday show that I'd have everyone's attention, yet, there are still those that oppose me. Quite fascinating really.
ANGELUS: You getting to a point here, or can I go back to what I was doing?
: Oh, I'm sorry. Were you busy? Getting ready to have a match on Warfare?!?! For the competition?!?
ANGELUS: Why don't you have another drink there,
? You seem on edge.
There's that smirk again from
...
: I assure you that I'm completely in control and to prove that to you is the very reason I called you in here. See, don't think for a minute that I don't know that you don't want anything to do with the Black Circle. Last time was all about having a little fun. Consider it payback for that kick in the face.
sets his drink down, stands, begins to pace...
: You see you're going to do what I ask of you until I tell you different, you understand?
ANGELUS: How about I come over there and give you a kick on the other side of your face to even it out?
laughs --
: Oh, I bet you'd like that. I hope Zach the intern informed you that if you do me any harm tonight you're forfeiting that title of yours.
ANGELUS: I got the memo, and quite frankly, I don't care. I don't want to be here tonight anyway. So, if you'd like to tell me how to get off this rock I'd be glad to show myself out.
: Here's the thing with that, you are staying the night. Hell, you'll compete tonight if I say so. Maybe against one competitor. Maybe against five. Cause right when you're thinking that you've had enough. Maybe I'll make you wrestle one more match. Oh, how about another right after that? Sound good? You'll do it and you'll like it and if you think about disobeying a direct order from me I'll encourage you to think again.
Anj's jaw locks and he's giving
the death glare...
: I know all about your little gal pal Jessica Mendez and I know that she has a mother who's not doing so hot. Lung cancer if I remember correctly. That's a bitch, huh? Think what a shame it'd be if Jessica were to get fired or say, disappeared? Who'd take care of her mother? Who'd check in on her?
ANGELUS: You're a real piece of work.
: Yeah, (laughs) I am.
ANGELUS: This isn't over, between you and I. Not by a long shot.
: I kinda figured you'd have some tough guy line like that. I think you know the way out. Good luck tonight, tough guy... you've got a very important role for tonight's festivities and you'd better hope you perform up to my standards when it comes time for you to enact that role...
Anj storms out and off
's smile we fade out and go to live action...
Fireworks shoot off from right under the standard X-Tron that has also been brought in for the show. Everything in the immediate vicinity appears to be living up to XWF standards, except for the stalagmites that hang from high above the fans where the rafters would normally be...
Oh, and all the bats flying around high above - those also aren't part of the normal show.
And it's possible that those guillotines off to the far right wing of the arena are a bit unusual as well, but then again it is Shane
's show and his love for a good, clean guillotine is well documented.
That giant cage sitting next to the ring that looks like about 10 people could be hammed into it also seems out of the norm, and so does the tribe of half naked, spear-wielding African men with bones through their noses.
Aside from that though, it's business as usual!
Shane
makes his way down to the ring with a microphone to a very negative reaction. It seems the fans were not treated well on their way down here and a lot of them are actually wishing they had refunds already... but Shane will have none of that!
: Welcome! WELCOME!!!
The boos nearly drown Shane out completely.
: I'd like to remind all of you that tonight is going to be a night like NO OTHER! Tonight you're going to see bodies put to the test and you're going to see some of the most fair, honest, and honorable decisions you've EVER seen in your lives... I, as the official owner of the XWF, guarantee this!
The boos continue as Shane smiles before continuing a few seconds later.
: With that said, we've got a nice handful of XWF stars who had the guts and courage to come down into this dark pit with all of us here tonight! We don't have as many people as Warfare had for their joke of a US Title tournament, but that's because a lot of the people who participated in that tournament are cowards anyway and would NEVER venture down here with the likes of us!
The booing continues and there's no sign of it stopping anytime soon.
: With that said, I'd like you all to welcome tonight's first competitor! Some of you know him as "the boy with the big old dick" ...but I know him as the worthless son of a bitch who attacked me multiple times last year and caused me serious brain damage. He had me talking to potatoes!
Finally the booing breaks up as laughter is sprinkled in.
: What?
The fans laugh some more, and some of them yell "what?" back at Shane. He does not look amused.
: That's what I thought... a bunch of immature punks who think it's funny that I spent the better part of 2012 talking to potatoes and smoking people's hair through a glass pipe. I should kill you all!
The fans quiet down a bit...
: ...but instead I'm going to entertain you, because that's what I'm all about! So let's all be entertained by this spandex wearing, storm trooper helmet wearing, untalented piece of garbage! Let's all give a big round of boos to Mr. XWF!
The fans are not sure whether to boo or cheer Mr. XWF after the way Shane introduced him. They want to disagree with anything he says, but they also aren't very fond of Mr. XWF and the way he constantly swears and talks about his dick.
Mr. XWF is brought out by two very muscular guards wearing loin cloths and paintball masks. Mr. XWF doesn't seem willing to be here! In fact, they've got a blindfold wrapped around his giant silver mask.
They shove Mr. XWF into the ring and Shane removes the blindfold from over his mask.
: How's it feel to be back?
Mr. XWF immediately goes for a Rock Bottom on Shane
!
The fans pop!
But Shane had a stun gun in his other hand and is already electrocuting Mr. XWF to the canvas with it... the temporary cheers turn to instant boos as Shane laughs.
: I'll answer the question for you then... what Mr. XWF meant to say was... "It feels shocking to be back!" HAHAHAHAHA!
He shocks him again and Mr. XWF twitches on the canvas.
: Alright enough of this... it's time for me to introduce Mr. XWF's opponent for this first match up here tonight!
With that, we see John Madison and NAZI walk out from the back along with Angelus who clearly does not want to be a part of this... The Black Circle is here in full force!
: Please welcome THE BLACK CIRCLE! And no, no people... Mr. XWF is not going to face The Black Circle. Instead, he's going to face THAT!
Shane points at one of the guillotines that are nearby as the fans shriek in horror.
: But you know what? Mr. XWF doesn't seem...
He kicks Mr. XWF while he's down.
: ...very "able" to compete so I think we're going to have to get a substitute for him. In other words, we're going to have to book a match RIGHT NOW featuring that guillotine versus...
Shane hesitates and lets the crowd wonder for a few moments...
: ...Mr. XWF's dick!
What?! The fans are shocked!
: That's right! All this guy ever talks about is his dick, so let's SEE what it's really made out of! It's time to put it to THE ULTIMATE TEST! Mr. XWF's dick versus my favorite guillotine! HA! Get him, boys!
Mr. XWF's dick
- vs -
Shane 's guillotine
Instantly NAZI and John Madison begin stomping on the already injured Mr. XWF and motioning for Angelus to join them but he won't do it!
: Ah, yes... as some of you might be noticing, Anj here wants to save his energy for the big moment... Anj himself wants to be the one to...
...
...
: Trip the guillotine! Yes! He wants to be the one to release that razor sharp blade and send it speeding down right through Mr. XWF's dick! What a guy! WHAT A GUY!
Shane begins to applaud Angelus as Anj shakes his head in disgust. John Madison and NAZI bring Mr. XWF over to the guillotine and it has now come time for the moment of truth...
Getting Mr. XWF's dick out, and locked in place... but neither man wants to be the one to do it! Madison tells NAZI to go ahead with it, but NAZI shakes his head "no" very rapidly and points to Angelus! Angelus simply crosses his arms and adjusts his weight to his other foot as if to get comfortable doing absolutely nothing.
: Somebody better get that boy's dick out and into that guillotine or we're going to have a problem.
NAZI tells Madison to do it and Madison just kicks Mr. XWF in the balls instead!
: Oooh! That's got to hurt!
Suddenly, NAZI gets an idea and yells it to Shane.
NAZI: Why don't we just cut his head off? Look, it's shaped like a giant silver penis anyway!
Shane
is a man who knows a good idea when he hears one.
: Do it! Off with his dome!
Madison and NAZI both grab Mr. XWF and bring him toward the hole that a person's head should fit through...
*clunk*
...but Mr. XWF's giant silver dome won't fit through it! Madison and NAZI keep trying, moving Mr. XWF back and forth as if they're trying to batter a door down or something.
NAZI: It won't work! We're going to need to remove the helmet!
: No! I want him beheaded while he looks exactly the same as he did every single time he put his filthy hands on me in the past! USE THE BEAR GUILLOTINE!
Shane points to an even larger guillotine that has a massive hole, large enough for a bear's head to fit through.
Why in the hell is there a bear guillotine here? And why are Madison and NAZI so happy about getting a chance to use it? They waste no time bringing Mr. XWF over to the bear guillotine and they force his silver dome through... it's a perfect fit. Locked. It's time to do the deed.
: This is your cue, Angelus. Get over to that bear guillotine and cut that son of a bitch's head off!
The crowd is roaring as
along with Madison and N.A.Z.I are demanding that Angelus pull the lever to the guillotine where Mr. XWF lays trapped inside.
: Pull the damn lever!!! I'm warning you, Anj!!!
MADISON: Pull the fucking lever before I put my boot through your face!
Angelus looks to the trio that makes up the Black Circle -- then to Mr. XWF trapped in the guillotine -- then to the crowd that is pleading for Angelus not to do this.
Angelus looks away --
Then, slowly, he raises his eyes to look at the Black Circle and --
He switches into his fighting stance!!!
Angelus is going to to fight the Black Circle!!!
The crowd is losing it now!
N.A.Z.I charges first and him and Angelus are trading blows back and forth. John Madison however has snuck around them and he marches over to the timekeeper who he throws from his seat and then takes the chair he occupied.
Angelus and N.A.Z.I are still throwing down, but Madison breaks that up real quick and CRACKS Angelus over the back with the steel chair!
Anj falls to Madison's feet and Madison flips the chair up and starts to drive the rounded end into Angelus' back while N.A.Z.I lays the boots to him.
The crowd is booing heavily now as
just watches with an awful smirk on his face. Angelus keeps trying to stand, but the Black Circle is too much and Angelus is still banged up from the US title tournament.
But then --
Something interesting starts to develop. One of the security guards in the front row, dressed in black slacks and a yellow polo, SUDDENLY turns around to face the action.
Nobody seems to notice this until the security guard hops the barricade and charges!! What the hell?!?!
Some of the booing stops as people look on confused. Is this guy here to help? Or another member of the Black Circle??
The security guard closes in on them fast and
does a double-take and tries to get Madison and N.A.Z.I's attention but it's too late! The guard sneaks up on Madison and locks in a devastating full-nelson choke and starts to swing his body like a rag doll. Madison is out cold--!!
The crowd is back to their feet again, but here comes N.A.Z.I!
The guard is too quick for him and he locks on that full-nelson choke before violently tossing N.A.Z.I's body across the floor in a full-nelson choke suplex.
He makes his way over to Angelus and begins to help him back to his feet. He shoots a glare at
who is staring menacingly, but isn't about to attempt anything after what he just saw.
Angelus and the guard slip out of the area and make their way over the barricade and into the crowd as
and the rest of the Black Circle look on in disbelief, fuming with hatred!
...
...
...but Shane has an ace up his sleeve. Something nobody would have seen coming! A name from deep in XWF's past...
: You know what? They aren't getting away that easily... GET OUT HERE, JASON!
Jason?
Jason who?
Many of the fans look around, and some of them who have been watching for over a decade instantly recognize this man who comes walking out from the back!
OH MY GOD!
IT'S JASON ORTIZ! He hasn't been seen on XWF turf for YEARS!!!
The fans who recognize him instantly start a "holy shit...holy shit..." chant as Jason walks right up face to face with
.
: You hear those fans? They're chanting HOLY SHIT right now, but they aren't the ones I want to be screaming... I want you to go track down Angelus and that secutiry guard and I want you to MAKE THEM PAY! NOW!
There is a brief moment of silence as the crowd anticipates what is to happen next...
Jason Ortiz stands back and puts his left hand up, about two inches away from the face of Shane
to shut him up!
Jason Ortiz: Woah! Slow your role
. I am a man of the people. I am a former legend around here in XWF. Look at the past Mr.
. I have stepped into the ring with other Hall of Famers. Bigg Rigg. Kore. The Brand. Why the hell would I waste my time on this fucking show as your lackey? I deserve better than this! I don't take orders from people like you, I give the orders. You brought me here like I was your slave. You wanted me to be this big ole muscle. This man that would help out The Black Circle. Well I hate to break it to you Shane, it's not going to happen.
Jason Ortiz lowers his hand down and beings to smile.
is livid! The fans are LOVING it!
Jason Ortiz: I
used you tonight
. I made you think like I gave a shit about your show. I made it look like I was going to be a part of your little posse. I made you think I was your savior for this show. You think for any length of time that Jason Ortiz wasn't going to use you? I made you sign that contract, but in reality I am jumping to Monday Night Madness! That's right! Don't you read over the fine print? I will become an even bigger legend than I was in the past on that show. I am a man of very little words, with more action coming from my fists. Tonight marks the return of Jason Ortiz. Tonight, you have to pull some hard earned cash out of your pockets, and line mine. I want to thank you Mr.
. You did me a favor tonight. I will leave you with these final words...
Jason Ortiz reaches out and back hands Shane
in the side of his face! Instantly Shane grabs his own cheek and looks Jason in the eyes in disbelief as those final words ring out for all to hear...
Jason Ortiz: The CRACKHEAD is back! AND SHIT JUST GOT REAL!
The fans roar their approval as Shane is stunned! He can't believe this!
Madison and NAZI both look at
, also clearly surprised by this turn of events. They don't seem sure whether they should go after Ortiz or not...
...but that no longer matters as Ortiz leaves the ring to a massive ovation and has completely distracted us all form something else taking place behind
and company...
ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!
Nobody saw Mr. XWF get out of the guillotine! He just Rock Bottomed Shane
again all these months later! Mr. XWF rushes over the barricade as Madison and NAZI are slow to give chase after being attacked by the guard earlier. Shane is laid out in the middle of the ring as fans throw garbage on Shane's body...
...for several minutes...
...until he finally starts to wake back up. Shane is very groggy and looks around for a second as though he has forgotten where he is!
Shane crawls over to the microphone and picks it up... Shane's got a funny look in his eye. Oh no... it can't be...
He slowly gets up to one knee... and then fully extends his frame. He lifts the mic to his lips and seems to have trouble bringing the words forth...
The fans quiet down, and that's when it happens...
He finally says it...
: ...Potato?
The fans explode! The roar that fills the air is like nothing heard before, especially with all the echoing in this cavern of an arena. The bats high above everybody start really getting riled up and some of the stalagmites break free and fall down onto the fans!
: HA! Gotcha! You pieces of trash WISH that I'd revert back to the potato loving freak I once was! You wish I'd lose my focus once more! HA! Never again, fools... never again. All Mr. XWF did was sign his own extermination papers because now he's going to be squashed like a bug when I finally get my way. Potato? Give me a break you idiots... you're all pathetic. And as far as that walking piece of crap Jason Ortiz goes? Well let's just say I'm going to make sure he suffers worse than anyone else on the roster when he finally DOES step into an official match. He'll learn very quickly that he can't escape my wrath, even if he does think he's safe on Monday Madness!
The fans shower Shane with boos once again as he moves right on to the next order of business...
: Now it's time for a little something I'd like to call a battle royal! It's not going to be ANY battle royal though. It's going to be a cage filled with stars while these friendly African men jab their spears into the cage and try to kill them! There's GOING to be blood... and the only way to win this caged battle royal is to be the last person NOT bleeding!
The fans are both confused and disgusted as Shane introduces the participants, who all get led into the giant cage by more muscular guards in loin cloths and paintball masks. The tribe of African men are getting very excited and doing some kind of death dance with their spears as people are loaded into the cage one by one...
Tyler Vegas
John Black
Neil Capra
Ursula Areano
Hickster
Peter Gilmour
Sarah St. James
Griffin MacCalister
Shane looks at all of them once they're in the cage and he seems to be having second thoughts.
: You know what? Get Griffin and Peter out of there. I've got something better for them to do right while this caged battle royal is happening.
She guards release Griffin MacAlister and Peter Gilmour from the cage and both men look very relieved. They walk over to Shane and Griffin actually has a smile on his face.
MacAlister: Smart move, Shane... you're going to let me beat Peter's ass while the rest of them get stabbed, leaving me the new champion?
Shane laughs and nods his head "yes" but then replies with something much different.
: Hahahaha NO. No, Griffin... not today buddy. You're going to be tested to the limits just like anyone else would be. It's just that... I think you and Peter would make THE PERFECT TEAM.
What's Shane going on about?
: Right now, as all of them are getting stabbed at by that tribe of angry Africans, you and Peter Gilmour are going to unite!
Shane grins as he continues.
: You ALL knew this HAD to happen one day! Ladies and gentlemen... I give to you...
...TEAM PETER GRIFFIN!
The fans burst out in laughter! It's true! If you take both of their names they become Peter Griffin!
: HAHAHAHA!
Both Peter Gilmour and Griffin MacAlister DO NOT look amused at all, but Shane clearly doesn't give a rat's ass who he pisses off. This is HIS show and he'll do whatever he wants!
...but wait?
If Peter and Griffin are teaming up right now, and everybody ELSE is stuck in that cage...
...who exactly are Peter and Griffin going to fight?
: I bet you're wondering who you're going to face, right?
MacAlister: I was actually wondering if I should knock you out, "buddy." I don't EVER want to be teamed with this piece of shit.
Gilmour: Likewise bub! Shane, don't make me team with this pathetic ass! I'm the single-handed tag team champions. I don't need him or want him! I've already got a partner and he's a beast!
Shane laughs.
: Oh really? A beast? Could that be who we think it means? Is "the beast" making his return to XWF to be your partner?
Peter doesn't answer and Griffin looks ready to attack Peter now just for the hell of it.
: Tell me... is your supposed partner as big of a "beast" as this guy over here? Say hello to your opponent for this handicap match! Let's see if TEAM PETER GRIFFIN can topple THIS beast!
Shane motions his arm over to a massive gate that required about a dozen guards to pull open... a loud roar is heard from within before the opponent comes out...
: Say hello.... to Mr. Bigglesworth!
Gilmour: What? The cat from Austin Powers?
: HA! No.... Not the cat from Austin Powers... Did I say Mr. Bigglesworth? I meant to say Mr. Beargglesworth!
Gilmour: What the hell are you talking about?
: I'm not talking about some cat from a movie! I'm talking about THE BEAR from over there!
Shane points again as a massive bear comes stomping out from behind those gates!
WHAT THE HELL!?!?
Team Peter Griffin
- vs -
Mr. Beargglesworth
handicap match
MacAlister: You've lost your damn mind, Shane! I'm not fighting a bear!
: Well technically you don't have to fight him... you just have to
decapitate him!
Gilmour & MacAlister: WHAT!!!
: Ah, I like that! Teamwork already! Now instead of saying the same word at the same time, I suggest you get to cutting that bears head off! And while that's going on, let's not forget there's another match happening at the same time over there!
Tyler Vegas
John Black
Neil Capra
Ursula Areano
Hickster
Sarah St. James
Caged Battle Royal surrounded by spear wielding African tribe
Last person to NOT bleed wins
The rest of the roster members are still locked in a cage, and by this point, they're quite glad to be there! Sarah Saint James makes sure they're locked in securely by jiggling the door to the cage to make sure it won't open, but she's stabbed in the arm by one of the African tribe members that quickly.
: Oops! Looks like Sarah's already bleeding! She won't be winning the caged battle royal! Hahaha! Ring the damn bell! Start both of these matches right now! MacAlister and Gilmour have to decapitate this bear and the rest of these ingrates need to try and NOT BLEED in that caged battle royal! Go! Go! GO!
The bell sounds as the African tribe surrounds the cage and begins poking wildly at the people locked inside. The beautiful thing about this caged battle royal is that once you're eliminated by bleeding, you still don't get to leave! You still might get stabbed again!
Shane
and his guards make their way safely over the barricade and join the fans in attendance while Peter Gilmour and Griffin MacAlister both look at each other in shock, not sure what to do... and then the bear charges them! They both jump out of the way in opposite directions as the bear ends up running right into the cage and knocking it several feet. The African tribe ignores the bear and continues to poke their spears into the cage as one of them catches John Black across the face and causes blood to gush from Black's face!
Meanwhile, the bear has snatched one of the tribe members! He's chewing on the man's arm and begins flinging the man back and forth while the other tribe members attack the bear with their spears to save their fellow member!
: No you idiots! The people in the cage! Stab the people in the cage!
None of them understand Shane's foreign language as they continue stabbing the bear with their spears and the bear eventually is soaked in its own blood as it falls to the ground. Team Peter Griffin looks on in shock as the tribe does their work for them!
: Bah! Humbug! This is NOT how this was supposed to go!
The tribe - satisfied with the job they've done to the nearly dead bear - turns their attention back to the people in the cage and they continue their job like nothing ever went wrong. They continue poking and very quickly cause Tyler Vegas and Neil Capra to bleed from their shoulders, but nothing too serious. Next, one of the tribe members stabs Hickster right in his ass cheek! He lets out a loud yelp and dances around in the cage with his hands on his ass while the others keep trying to push him away from them, and he ends up getting stabbed again right in the thigh and finally blood is very clearly visible!
This means Sarah, Hickster, Tyler, Neil, and John Black are all bleeding already! It's already down to just one left! URSULA AREANO is NOT bleeding! She has won this absolutely ridiculous caged battle royal!
...and then gets stabbed in the ass just like Hickster did.
But she was the last one to NOT bleed! So she still wins! She's done it!
Winner: Ursula
: Dammit! Well the caged battle royal is over but this handicap match IS NOT. That bear still has its head! Get to work, PETER GRIFFIN!
Both Griffin and Peter look at Shane very angrily as the African tribe is called away from around the cage and the other roster members are allowed to go to the back to rest.
: Get to the back and take a load off, guys! You've earned it!
What a nice guy Shane is, letting them all take a rest after being stabbed with spears that we now are finding out were not just ordinary spears.
: Yeah... you're going to need to take a load off because those spears were all poisoned. Why do you think Mr. Beargglesworth went down so easily? HA!
All of the roster members who were in that cage look very woozy now as the poison has started to take effect.
: Don't worry guys... it's not life threatening or anything like that. You're just going to lose control of your bowels and/or start vomiting. Once all the diarrhea and/or vomit gets out of your system you'll start to feel better and you'll be able to come back out again. Sound good?
Shane smiles as he waves at them all while they are rushed to the back by Shane's guards.
: And you two! Get to decapitating that bear or you're both disqualified and will NEVER hold a title in XWF! And Peter? That also means I will strip you of both tag belts! Do NOT test me.
Peter lets out an angry sigh and marches over to the bloodied bear, grabbing one of its legs and trying to pull the massive beast over toward... the bear guillotine!
So THAT'S why there's a bear guillotine here tonight! Shane
was just being thoughtful and making things easier for his roster members. What a great owner he really is!
Gilmour can't really get the massive bear to budge so he yells to Griffin to assist him. Shane glares at Griffin and Griffin finally gets the message... he's got no choice but to help Peter decapitate this bear.
Griffin walks over and looks at Peter. Neither of them are happy about this, but they finally both grab a leg of the bear and begin to pull... and it's working! The massive beast is being dragged over to the bear guillotine and a streak of blood is being left behind it. They get the bear to the guillotine and use perfect teamwork to get the massive head through the hole and lock it down. With the bear locked into the guillotine, Griffin and Peter both look at each other again....
...and they BOTH shake their damn fucking heads...
...and Griffin trips the guillotine! The blade comes crashing down!
CHOP!
Winners: Team Peter Griffin
The bear's head goes rolling toward Gilmour and he kicks it like a soccer ball. The head knocks into Griffin's leg and almost causes Griffin to fall, which really pisses Griffin off!
Griffin charges Peter!
Peter ducks and catches Griffin, lifting him up onto his shoulders!!!
THE KILLSWITCH!
Peter Gilmour just nailed the Killswitch on his own partner! AND SHANE
IS LOVING IT!
: Yes! Now that's what I call team work! Excellent job, guys! Bravo! Good show!
Shane is clapping as Peter Gilmour looks furious...
: Don't look so glum, chum... this is only the beginning.
Peter looks confused and so do a lot of the fans...
: Or, more specifically, this wasn't EVEN the beginning!
What's Shane talking about? The fans murmur and Peter Gilmour shouts at Shane asking for an answer to what he's talking about.
: Ladies and gentlemen... it is NOW time to begin the show. That's right... everything you just saw was COMPLETELY POINTLESS and had NO IMPACT WHAT SO EVER on who is going to walk out of here with the North Korean Championship!
Gilmour: What!? I just chopped off a bear's head for nothing!
: Hahaha! YES! FOR NOTHING! None of this had anything to do with tonight's matches or title crowning! NONE OF IT! HA!
Peter loses it! He charges at Shane with a clothesline but Shane ducks and runs over to... John Madison and NAZI who have returned on the scene.
Madison and NAZI both beg Gilmour to try and charge them, but Gilmour backs off while Shane continues to laugh.
: Fools! ALL of you! Every last one! From the idiots in attendance to the puppets in the back! This night belongs to ONE MAN and one man only... and that's... THIS MAN! He runs tonight's show! He is the one who will decide what kind of matches you fools take part in! HE is the mastermind behind the North Korean Championship.... and his name... is NORTH KOREAN WAR CRIMINAL!
Shane
, John Madison, and NAZI all clap wildly as the massive gate that once allowed a bear to walk though, once again is opened by a dozen of the loin cloth wearing guards with paintball masks on.
Here he is, at last...
AFTER THIS SHORT COMMERCIAL BREAK!
That's right! Not only were you all fooled but now you actually have to WAIT to see what's REALLY going to happen! Welcome to the hell that is SHOVE IT SATURDAY NIGHT!
Now go SHOVE IT! ...and we'll be right back after these words from our top sponsor!
...to be continued...
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