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~~Juan Madison~~ · (09-07-2013)

Juan Madison:

Quote:Kyle Morrison: "I know the situation I have been placed in by Miss Jessie Diaz. Perhaps it is the management's way of trying to screw over a new guy, or perhaps it is just the "luck" of the draw, or what have you. The upstart rookie in his first ever career pro wrestling match going one-on-one with the "King" of the company, the best that the XWF has to offer. Surely, many if not all would say that the result is pretty predictable."

"Well, I've taken the time to watch Kyle Morrison's promo and I must say that I'm very disappointed in what I'm up against. I think that this cage fighter has taken too many shots to head. This guy, just like everyone else, is convinced that the man he's facing on Saturday night is John Madison. He must have a serious mental illness if he's confusing me with the great John Madison.

Is Kyle Morrison even medically cleared to wrestle in my ring?

Has Kyle Morrison had his brain scanned for injuries? I'm pretty sure he's had one too many concussions.

I don't want to held responsible for this moron having a stroke during the fiesta of a match we're having.

Answer this for me, Kyle. In all those fancy MMA matches of yours, how many times have you fought with a mariachi band playing in the background and Mexican food all around the ring?

You shouldn't even bother showing up, Kyle. There's no cage. No judges. No ring girls to hold up the cards. Why are you even here if you like to use mixed martial arts? That shit isn't going to help you in the ring.

Eli James IV doesn't use MMA (he's too fat and religious) and he's the United States Champion.

Luca Arzegotti doesn't use MMA and he's the European Champion.

Brock Lesnar can't even beat John Cena and Brock was once the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Have you even held the UFC Heavyweight Championship?

You don't stand a chance, Kyle. Go back to the cage where you're safe.

I do appreciate the compliment though as far as you calling me 'the best that XWF has to offer' and the 'King of the XWF.' Personally, I think those are words that best describe John Madison, rather than Juan Madison, but I'll take your word for it if you truly believe I am the best. Maybe one day John Madison will let me fight him for his crown. Until then I'm wrestling with posers like you who claim to have 'fought in various MMA companies,' or in other words, 'haven't accomplished shit.'

Who else am I stuck with as possible opponents this week? Let's see...

Quote:Juan Madison/~~Kyle Morrison~~
- vs -
D Shadows/John Austin
Some Fire Match for Good Measure: There will be fire, and lots of

Holy shit, I'm beginning to think that Jessie Diaz set this whole thing up just so Juan Madison could win. In the first round, she's having me load up on bean burritos and tequila, all of which will give me some bad gas. And then in the second round, she's putting my gassy ass in a match that contains 'lots of fire.'

Well, no shit there will be lots of fire because Diaz basically just handed me a flame thrower for the second round.

T Shadows and John Austin; you guys should be pissed that Jessie Diaz is having me eat a bunch of burritos prior to this match. You guys are at a serious disadvantage unless you start eating burritos, like now. I'm not even fucking around, John Austin and B Shadows. If you come near me and the fire, I'm gonna point my ass in your direction and light you up with my deadly farts. Do you boys even realize what Jessie has gotten you into?

And speaking of John Austin...

Quote:If Juan somehow makes it to the second round, he will have to face me again and that border jumper already lost in Thunderbowl....So yeah, all of you all can suck it.

Wow, this dip shit wins one semi-important match filled with rookies and Mr. XWF, and all of a sudden he thinks he's the hottest thing around?

John Austin said, 'he will have to face me again and that border jumper already lost in Thunderbowl"

I applaud you for trying, Austin, but that logic just doesn't work for you. Austin, you're a guy who wins some and loses some. Some times you squeak by and have a good night, which happened to be at Thunderbowl, but most of the time you're laying flat on your back while scrubs like Shawn Steele and Steve Davids pins you for the three.

I could bring up history and throw it your face just as easily, Austin. I outlasted you and scored more eliminations than you in the Rumble In Brooklyn. See how easy that was?

Basically what I'm saying is, you're the wrong guy to be bringing up history when you yourself don't have a whole lot to brag about.

Quote:John Austin: Now for you Kyle or Juan. You two go ahead and beat the ever loving shit out of each other. Just make my job a whole hell of a lot easier when I face either one of you in the second round.

Yeah, I bet you would like that. Actually, I bet you would love to have Juan Madison at less than 100 percent since you, just like everyone else in this federation, are a bunch of lazy fucks. Do you know what the best thing would have been to say which I'm now going to say to you?

'John Austin, I hope you show up at 100 percent, ready to go, amigo.'

But no, John Austin would rather have the easy way out. That's cool, Austin. I get it that you're unmotivated and you lack talent in the ring.

But you see, I have a loss on my record thanks to you, and that is a blemish in my record that I simply cannot leave untouched.

I'm glad you're so certain that you're coming into our match at 100 percent, Austin, because then you'll have no excuse when the rookie you beat at Thunderbowl takes back what rightfully belonged to him: the victory. You can keep the briefcase, Austin. You'll need it more than I will because I actually plan on fighting my way to the King's throne or to Luca's European Championship. Just like my mentor, John Madison, I won't need briefcases to win the top prize in wrestling.

As for the other option, C Shadows. Well, let's see what his state of mind is at the moment...

Quote:D Shadows: I'll kick his ass then light up a blunt after I win. He doesn't know what's coming, but the most fucked up part about this Saturday is after our match. We have to team up and take on The King of The XWF Juan Madison and his first round opponent Kyle Morrison in some type of fire match and I guess there will be a lot of fire

Hey dumbass, it's not a fucking tag match. Jessie was just being nice by saying that there's a chance that John Austin OR YOU could end up being my opponent. Also, dumbass, I'm not the King of the XWF. I'm JUAN Madison despite the popular opinion going around that I'm John Madison. The only accessory I wear on my head is a sombrero, amigo. Thanks for the compliment though.

As for the main event...

Exploding Barbed Wire Boards, Obscene Amount of Weaponry, Mood Lighting, Elimination Style, Fucking Insanity Match: Fuck.

And on that note, who fucking knows who my opponents might be. There's like a ten percent chance that I might face someone from outer space. Mr. Supernova is over one thousand years old if I recall correctly. That's good, because I could use a good challenge. I've never fought someone who has a millennium's worth of fighting experience. A victory like that could do wonders for me.

I think Archie Lawson mentioned something about Syria...

Peter Gilmour is still convinced more than anyone that I'm John Madison. Big shock there. Doesn't change the fact that he's fat and is being thrown into a match that is based on the only thing he's good at: eating. What was it-- chicken parm death match? Jesus, this might be the first match that Peter Gilmour wins decisively. There's simply no way Peter cannot win that match, is there?

His opponent is Andrew Morrison.

For one, Andrew Morrison doesn't win at anything, ever. Second, Andrew Morrison is a body builder so I doubt that he plans on screwing up his image by out eating Peter Gilmour. Third, even if Andrew Morrison wanted to, I'm pretty sure that he cannot even eat chicken Parmesan. Look at how Morrison used to look before he made all those drastic changes to his appearance:

Jesus, he's a fucking body building vampire, amigos. There's no way he can eat chicken parm unless they use blood instead of sauce.

Now he tries to hide it with all these changes he's made to his body. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's a shape shifter. Back in Mexico, I was a paranormal investigator so I've dealt with these kinds of things before. Peter Gilmour, be careful chico. Vampires usually target the chubby ones.

Who else is there? Sean Falcon? Is he my toughest competition? Apparently this guy is Vinny's go-to guy when it comes to protection, hits, or stealing cars. It's like this guy is living through the story mode of Grand Theft Auto. I'm expecting Little Jacob to pop up any second and sell Falcon some guns, or for his buddy Roman to invite him to bowling night.

My point is, Sean Falcon is a guy with his priorities out of order. Sean is spending too much time stealing cars for 'the boss,' instead of training himself for the 'Exploding Barbed Wire Boards, Obscene Amount of Weaponry, Mood Lighting, Elimination Style, Fucking Insanity Match: Fuck' Match. You know what I do every day? I go into The Black Circle's performance center, and I set mood lighting, rig exploding barbed wire boards, and fill the ring with weaponry. I then use all of those things to kick Luca's ass for practice.

Just think, Falcon; Luca is the European Champion and I've been killing him in the ring every day in the practice 'Exploding Barbed Wire Boards, Obscene Amount of Weaponry, Mood Lighting, Elimination Style, Fucking Insanity Match: Fuck' matches. What have you done all week besides get your wanted level up to four stars?

That shit won't cut it in my ring, Sean. You are clearly in over your head. You're not ready for the 'Exploding Barbed Wire Boards, Obscene Amount of Weaponry, Mood Lighting, Elimination Style, Fucking Insanity Match: Fuck' match.

In fact, no one in this match is ready for the 'Exploding Barbed Wire Boards, Obscene Amount of Weaponry, Mood Lighting, Elimination Style, Fucking Insanity Match: Fuck' match. On the other hand, I was born for this match. I've fought in iron man matches with mood lighting and fucking insanity around every corner.

I'm winning this match for all seventeen of my cousins in Mexico who cannot be here to chase after the American dream. Nobody can stop me!"

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